


Abnegation Love

by thebooktrooper



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, F/M, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-05-17 09:37:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 68,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebooktrooper/pseuds/thebooktrooper
Summary: Tris and Four meet in Abnegation before either has the chance to transfer. This friendship forges a path for them that neither expects nor regrets.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tobias and Tris are 1 year apart in this story, just for the sake of convenience and the plot.

Beatrice POV (12 years old)

"Beatrice, honey, could you help me with dinner? The Eatons are coming over tonight." Mom asked as I walked in the door after school. I put on my typical fake smile and nod, "Thank you, go pack up your things and you can help me with the peas"

I quietly walk up the stairs to my room, where I unpack my school stuff onto my desk. Though clutter is considered selfish, a few papers are scattered around my floor, and a stray hair brush lays on my desk when I couldn't bother to put it away this morning. I sigh and resolve to clean it up tonight after dinner before heading back downstairs.

"Hello. How was your day?" I ask as I start to cook the peas, taking care to make two bags instead of one.

"It was fine, thank you. How was yours, Beatrice?" Part of me despises how she can take the attention off of herself so perfectly in a way I'll never be able to. Selflessness has never come to me naturally, unlike the rest of my family. That's why I am going to transfer. To which faction, I'm not sure. I just know I need to leave. To leave and live my life like I want to. I love my family, but I couldn't bear to be suffocated by Abnegation for my whole life. It would be like suicide, except I wouldn't kill myself. I would kill my spirit.

"School was good, thank you." I reply, ending our short conversation. I strain the peas once they are finished, placing them to the side for my mother to serve later. The door opens in the living room, notifying me that the Eatons have arrived. "I'll go set the table." 

I take the proper amount of forks, knives, and napkins and walk towards the table, accidentally bumping into someone on my way. I look up to apologize, but the words die on my lips as I see the boy's dark blue eyes. His features are plain, but his eyes are not. They hold a carefully hidden pain, which I can only assume is from losing his mother 8 years ago.

"S-sorry! I didn't mean to bump into you, I was just coming to see if I could assist you with anything." He eases a bit as I offer him a forgiving smile.

"It's fine. It was really my fault. I wasn't looking where I was going. Here, could you lay out the napkins?" He nods and grabs them from my hand. We go around the table while laying out our various utensils in a strange silence. We finish at the same time my mom comes out to serve the plates. I return back to the kitchen to grab everyone's waters and place them on the table before sitting down next to Marcus' child, Tobias. We grab each other's hands so that we make a sort of circle, and murmur some sort of prayer that I memorized long ago. I think about Tobias' hand, and how it is slightly shaking. His hand is calloused from the days of community service and feels warm and right in mine. We finish the prayer, after which Tobias drops my hand as soon as possible, which stings. Wait, why does that sting? You barely know the boy! I push the thought away, and instead try and focus on the conversation going on between my father and Marcus. Something about the ridiculous reports made by Erudite. The ones that accuse Marcus of beating Tobias, because Tobias doesn't go to school or participate in many community activities. I silently eat my food, just like I am supposed to until Marcus turns towards me.

"How is school going, Beatrice?" He asks politely. 

"It's going well." I lie, smiling a bit, "I have exams soon, but they should go fine." I wish I could tell him that it's going horribly, about all the kids pushing me around and yelling things at me. But I didn't want to seem selfish. If I said that, it would look bad on my family. I hastily add, "I'm really sorry about those Erudite reports. They have no right terrorizing you." I take a bite of chicken and hear Tobias mutter something under his breath. Marcus nods in acknowledgment, before continuing to talk with my father about politics. When dinner is finished, Tobias, Caleb, and I clean the dishes. I feel a slight spark every time Tobias' hand brushes mine as I hand him the plates, but it dies as soon as it begins. We finish, and put the dishes away before saying goodbye to the Eaton's. I head to my room early, claiming to be tired from exams at school. I tidy my room, but all I can think about is Tobias and his strange behavior all night.

Tobias POV (13 years old)

"Tobias, why don't you go see if Mrs. Prior needs any help?" Though he asks politely, it's really a command. Nevertheless, I comply and head towards the kitchen when I bump into something. Or rather, someone. I look down to see a girl who looks to be about twelve years old. Her blond hair is pulled into a tight bun, and her startled grey eyes jump up to mine. She must be the Prior's daughter, Beatrice. I mentally curse at myself for not looking where I was going and bumping into her. It will definitely get me some extra whips tonight for selfishness or looking stupid. I stumble for words and apologize, offering to help her set the table. She reassures me that I'm fine with a smile. She hands me the napkins, accepting my help. I hadn't set the table with someone since my mother was alive. Ever since I had done it alone.

My father discusses politics with Mr. Prior for most of the night. The recent Erudite reports are brought up once or twice, earning me a subtle glare from my father. Halfway through the dinner, my father turns to Beatrice and asks her about school. I tense. "Its going well. I have exams soon, but they should go fine." 

I always wished I could go to school, to learn of course, but also to escape my father for at least a few hours. The most I was ever allowed to do was help the school with their computers. "I'm really sorry about those Erudite reports. They have no right terrorizing you." She comments, almost as a last resort to move the attention away from her.

"Yes, they do," I mumble, hoping no one hears me. I immediately regret the words as Marcus raises his eyebrows at me across the table. I mentally groan, knowing that it's going to be a long, painful night for me. Marcus nods to Beatrice in acknowledgment. Once we finish dinner, I help Beatrice and her brother Caleb wash the dishes. Beatrice and I wash and rinse them, and each time our hand's brush, I feel slight sparks. They disappear just as quickly as they appear, and it shocks me. Do I really like this girl that I just met? I shake the thought off, and help finish with the dishes. Then Marcus and I say our goodbyes to the Priors, and I leave to my own personal Hell.


	2. Chapter 2

Tris POV

After dinner with the Eatons, my week continues as normal. Wake up, make breakfast, school, come home, make dinner, eat, talk in the living room, sleep, then repeat. The normal life of the Abnegation. That is until Friday came about.

It had been a normal day at school. Which basically meant everyone ignored me, and I got the occasional shove from an arrogant Candor. I was walking home from school, when I bumped into someone. The person had been jogging, something unusual in Abnegation, and I fell flat on my butt from the impact. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, and I looked up to see who I needed to apologize to.

I'm surprised when I see that Tobias is the one I walked into. Again. He offers me a hand to help pull myself up, and I take it, still flustered from falling. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bump into you, again." I say, blushing slightly. He shakes his head.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. I should have watched where I was going, again." He says, a ghost of a smirk on his face. We stand in awkward silence before I decide to break it.

"Where were you headed? Can I help you with anything?" Typical Abnegation response. I typically hate how much it makes me sound like a robot, but with Tobias I find that it comes out genuinely.

"Er, nowhere. I was just walking around since my dad is at work," he says, shifting awkwardly. More like jogging, I think, but don't comment on his poor lie. 

"I was just coming from school, no ones at my house so I am left with nothing to do. Would you care to join me?" I ask, surprising myself. Why would I ask a boy that I just met on Monday to come over to my house, risking getting both of us in trouble? He looks conflicted, but nods.

"I don't want to be a bother."

"You wouldn't. You would be helping me, technically. By keeping me company." He raises his eyebrows at me, but nods nevertheless.

"Okay then. I have to leave for home at four though." Four. One hour. Alone. With a boy. Sounds logical. Not. But somehow I let it happen. I smile and lead him to our house. "So, how is school?" He asks, awkwardly. I put on a fake smile like normal.

"It's going really well," I say as lightheartedly as I could. Tobias looks at me as if trying to detect the lie. He nods. " How is homeschooling?" I ask to get the attention off of me. He shrugs.

"It's alright. I prefer it than going to school." I see him clench his jaw, and I know he is lying. I take a risk and ask a question.

"Why?" We reach my house, and I open the door for him. He enters and we sit on the couch together. Not close enough that it's intimate, but as if we were friends.

Tobias POV

What am I doing? If Marcus found out what I was doing right now, I have no doubt that I wouldn't be able to move for a week and would be locked in his closet for just as long. But somehow, the risk is worth it. To spend an hour with Beatrice. To talk with her, without Marcus listening to every word I speak. It's awkward, but I can feel the tension leaving more and more as time goes on. She asks me why I like homeschooling, which to be fair I don't even homeschool. I just know the basics. Because Marcus doesn't have time to teach me. He says it's selfish to want to learn.

"If you could choose any faction besides Abnegation, which one would you choose?" Beatrice randomly asks. I nearly smile. This is easy. I've thought of this question more times than I can count, during the long painful nights in that cramped dark closet, on my bed, trying to block out the pain searing through my back. I slowly answer.

"I would have to choose Dauntless. How about you?" I ask, cautiously. I don't want her thinking I am an overly curious Abnegation, and tell her father. Because that would put me in serious trouble. She thinks for a while. I notice how cute she looks when she thinks. Her eyebrows scrunched together, eyes squinted.

"I would choose either Dauntless or Erudite." She replies. " But I'm Abnegation now, and will stay that way." She adds hastily. I can tell she is lying. She bites the inside of her cheek, but I nod anyways. She smiles gently.

We continue to talk about random other things. About how much we hate the paste-tasting Abnegation food, what she likes learning in school, and other stuff. I look at the clock on the mantle and see that it's four thirty. Fuck. Marcus is coming home in thirty minutes and I still need to make dinner and do my homework.

"What's the matter?" Beatrice asks, probably noticing my startled face. Oh, how I wish I could tell her.

"Nothing. I just forgot I had some, er, homework to do. And my father" I wince at calling him that. He doesn't deserve that title. "Likes it done before he comes home, which is in thirty minutes. I should get going." I say hastily. Somehow she still manages to smile and nods.

"I'm sorry for keeping you. I hope you don't get in trouble because of me. I didn't-" I cut her off.

"It's not your fault. I should have checked the time sooner. I had a great time today. Can we meet again sometime soon?" I ask hopefully, though I mentally feel the clock ticking.

"Sure. Tomorrow?" She says.

"Tomorrow," I state, smiling for the first time in years. She waves, and I wave back before I head off towards my house.


	3. Chapter 3

Tobias POV

I leave Beatrice's house hastily, even though I wish I could stay and talk with her longer. I need to get home. Now. I scan the streets, and run as fast as I can to my house once I see no one is out. I reach my house, and open the door, drop my school bag, and head for the kitchen. I start making the normal chicken, peas, and bread. Thankfully I still have some bread I can toast from last night, so I do that. Once I get everything cooking, I manage to start cleaning the kitchen when I hear the front door open softly. Shit. I look, and see that everything is done cooking, so I start to put everything on the plates

" Why isn't dinner ready yet?" Marcus asks, casually. I feel sweat starting to form on the back of my neck. I finish his plate.

" Uh, I, er -"

" Hurry up. I hate stumbling."

" Uh, yes sir. I was just- er, the person in charge of the computers at the school held me up today. I just managed to get home. I'm sorry, it won't happen again-"

" Don't lie to me." He whispers.

" I'm not lying." I say. He scoffs.

" You know, I hate liars." He growls, and I shrink back, cowering away. " You got off early today. The person in charge had emergency family issues. So what were you doing?" I gulp. I can't tell him the truth. That would put both me and Beatrice in danger. I grasp for something that will be believable, even though it will probably mean a beating later.

" I- I walked around, in Abnegation and lost track of the time." I say. I'm not supposed to do this, so he should believe me. He gives me a look of disapproval.

" And are you supposed to walk around Abnegation?" He asks calmly. I shake my head.

" No, sir."

" Good. Now serve dinner and go to your room. I'll deal with you later." I nod, and set his plate, which is now a combination of his large dinner and my smaller one, onto the table. No dinner for me tonight. Hopefully having more food will put him in a better mood. I head towards my room, where I anxiously wait for the devil I call father to enter.

I wait in my room for an hour, waiting for him. He takes his time eating his dinner, knowing that every minute is another minute of my panic. Which apparently, he enjoys in that sick mind of his.

After what feels like forever, I hear the doorknob turn, and I can feel my face pale.

God, no. Why did my mother have to die and leave me with this monster? Why couldn't I just have a normal Abnegation life?

"Tobias, you have to start behaving." He says my name like I am a curse, which I might as well be to him.

" Shirt. Off. Now." I obey automatically, and then he says the next six words I dread with my whole being. " This is for your own good." I place my hands on my desk, and clench it tightly, like a lifeline, as the belt lashes down onto my back.. The familiar pain races down my back, and I bite down on the inside of my cheek, hard enough to draw blood, to keep from making a sound that would only anger him further. He continues striking me, until my back is numb with pain, eyes filled with restrained tears.

" That will teach you not to go wandering around without permission anymore, huh boy?" He tells me. I manage a nod. He aims a kick at my ribs, making me collapse on the floor, and leaves without another word. I pick myself up, and get into bed, not bothering to clean up my back with the first aid kit hidden beneath my bed. I lie on my stomach, like I do most nights, but tonight it's nearly as painful as it would have been to sleep on my back.

I think of Beatrice as the tears I have restrained all night stream down my face, and how her eyes hold a spark of rebellion. A spark that is suffocated in Abnegation. Perhaps I will see her tomorrow, talk to her like we are normal kids in Abnegation, as if I don't bear the scars of previous lashings on my back and she doesn't have within her that desperate, suffocating spark. I fall asleep to the memory of her stormy grey-blue eyes looking into mine when we met for the first time today.


	4. Chapter 4

Beatrice POV

I see with Tobias every afternoon for the next month. It turns out he helps out with the computers at school, and finishes the same time we do. So instead of taking the bus, we walk back home together. Sometimes we take different routes than the one that all other Abnegation kids take. We discover our own. It's a type of adventure, the kind we rarely find in Abnegation. For me at least, for him it's probably just to see if he can get home faster to help his father. Typical Abnegation.

I walk out of school today with my bag on my shoulder, exhausted. Exams were in two weeks, and all of the teachers were stuffing our heads with all of the information they could, along with giving us twice the usual homework. I spot Tobias out of the corner of my eye, casually leaning against the school wall, and walk towards him. During school today, when I was bored out of my mind during Faction History, I remembered somewhere that my mom brought me when we were little. It was a meadow. She didn't have a reason to bring me, and when I asked her if it was selfish she replied,

"Not if I am making you happy. Then I am helping someone. You." And I just giggled, and we talked. It was the best memory of my childhood. Probably because it was the only one that was colorful, and happy. I wanted to bring Tobias to that meadow. Today. My dad would be home late, which would also mean his dad would be as well. Caleb won't care where I am and mom is taking a double shift for helping the factionless. We are practically free until dinner.

"What has gotten into you?" Tobias asks when I reach him, slightly smirking. I feel a light blush appear on my cheeks. I ALWAYS blush. Its annoying.

"I just remembered a great place to go. And since both of our families are out, I thought we could spend some time there." I look up at him hopefully. He is deep in thought for a minute and then slowly nods his head.

"Sure. But I have to get back by..." he looks at his watch, "Five." I nod. He smiles gently, and I lead him to the meadow.

It's been awhile since I visited the meadow. I used to sneak off to visit it a lot when I was younger, to bask in its calm nature. I stopped going as I got older, and had to start taking on more service projects instead.

The walk is a quiet one. Neither Tobias or I say anything to each other. That is the unique thing about our friendship, how we can simply be in each other's company and not have to constantly find something to talk about. About ten minutes later we reach the meadow. If I remember right, the way back home should only take about 15 minutes, which means we have an hour to do whatever we want.

"Here we are!" I tell him, giving him a smile. He looks around, his face filled with wonder, a smile growing onto his face as well.

"How did you find this place?" He says, then flinches. "Sorry. I shouldn't be asking questions. That was selfish of me." His shoulders tensed, as if he was waiting for me to scold him or something.

"I don't mind you asking questions-as long as you don't mind me asking any." I say. He relaxes, and his smile returns. It blows my mind how he can change his emotions so much in such a short period of time.

"Deal." He says, "So how did you find this place?" He asks again.

"My mom took me when I was six, after I had won a contest in school. She took me on a celebratory picnic out here. After that I snuck here after school for a few years, but then stopped once I started getting more service projects." I take a pause, looking out into the blue sky. It had a few clouds, but it was good enough for me. " This is my first time back in four years." Tobias just nods, and we sit in silence for a while, listening to the occasional bird call and the wind in the trees.

" When you pick, are you going to transfer?" He asks suddenly, causing me to slightly jump. He chuckles and I smile. Am I going to transfer? I don't know. Do I want to? Yes.

"I don't know yet. I mean, I probably will, but leaving my family would be really hard, and I don't know if I could live in any of the other factions." His look darkens when I mention my family, and I wonder why. "If I had to choose another faction, it would be Dauntless. I always… I always admired them and looked up to them. But I could never be as strong or brave as them." I say looking down. "How about you?"

"I would transfer. Abnegation is stifling. I can't stand it. I'm pretty sure I am transferring to Dauntless. And I would probably fail initiation anyways. Like you said, I'm not strong."

"I said that I'm not strong. I didn't even mention you."

"Doesn't matter. What does matter is that I want to train. For Dauntless."

"Train?" I ask, dumbfounded. Not only does he want to transfer to the same faction as me…. but he wants to train for it too? In Abnegation?

He starts to look uncomfortable. He scratches the back of his neck. " Yeah, train. You know, to build our endurances and stuff. We don't have any equipment, but we could run, and climb. We would have to do it at night, but it could work."

"We?" I ask, still in shock.

"You want to join Dauntless, don't you? And I do too, so we can train together, that way when we join, we might actually have a chance at passing and getting a good is if you want to." He adds. He looks so confident, so excited for this plan that I can't say no. Besides, it couldn't hurt. Well, it could. We could get in a lot of trouble. But we won't. We haven't gotten caught yet, have we?

"Sure. Let's do this." He smiles.

"Great, now we just need a time and place."

"How about we meet here?" I suggest.

"I don't know the way."

"Right." I say. "How about I just meet you in front of my house? Then we can walk to the meadow and train here. The ground is hard most of the time, and no one could hear us." Tobias slowly nods his head.

"That could work. What time though? Everyone would have to be asleep." He says. We both think for a moment.

"If you don't mind losing a bit of sleep, one in the morning would be perfect. The city shuts down its lights and everything at midnight, so everyone would be gone and asleep at one, wouldn't they?" I ask. He smiles.

"How come all the sudden you are thinking of all the good ideas?" I stick my tongue out at him and he laughs.

"I think of good ideas all the time, in case you haven't noticed. And you were the one who thought to train. That counts for something."

"That it does." He replies. He looks at his watch. "It's 4:45, we should get going." I nod. We get up reluctantly, and with that I take the lead and lead us back to Abnegation.

When we get back, Tobias holds me back before we enter the group of houses.

"I don't want to look suspicious." He says, answering my confused look. "You and me walking together an hour later than we normally do. We walk into the neighborhood separately. Me first then you. Okay?"

"Okay." (TFIOS anyone?)

"So I'll see you tonight?" He asks.

"Technically tomorrow morning…." I say, and he laughs gently.

"Okay then. I'll see you tomorrow morning." He says, and with a wink, heads off into the neighborhood. And moments later, so do I, thinking one thing.

I can't wait until tomorrow morning.


	5. Chapter 5

Tris POV

Thankfully, I get home before anyone else does. Caleb must be studying in his room, so I make dinner for him. Then my dad gets home,and so does my mom. We have dinner, then talk in the living room, and finally Caleb and I are sent to our beds.

I set my alarm clock to one am, hoping that I could wake up quickly enough to turn it off before anyone can hear it. I get into my pajamas, but then quickly change back, switching my normal grey dress for a shirt. It would be easier to train without having to worry about a dress getting in the way. I get into bed, and hope my parents don't check in on me.

RING RING RI-

I bolt awake at the sound of the alarm, and quickly turn it off. I pause for a moment, to see if anyone's awake. I don't hear anything, so I guess I'm good. Now I realize I face a dilemma. How do I get out of my room? Leaving the normal way would make way too much noise, ensuring that someone would wake up and catch me. I look out my window. There are a few places where the cement is crumbling, and nobody has bothered to fix it, using the supplies to help the factionless instead. I smile to myself. This is perfect.

I open the window, and climb out. I cringe at the noise I make, but know it's not enough to startle anyone. I clumsily stumble along the side of the house. The cement isn't strong, and crumbles if I hold onto it for too long.

Finally, I reach the ground. I breath a sigh of relief. I made it. I walk around the house to see Tobias casually waiting for me. I smile, and he smiles back and waves. I jog up to him.

"Got out of your house OK?" I ask. He nods.

"Yeah. It's a good thing I set my alarm earlier, otherwise I would have been late. I had to get out the window." I nod.

"Same here." We pause, marveling at what we have just done. We had just openly broken about ten of Abnegation's rules, and were going to go break another 10. "We should get going." I say, and Tobias nods, his face becoming serious. I start to walk towards the meadow but he stops me.

"We should jog, not walk. As a sort of warm up."

"Okay then, Mr. General." He just smiles and shakes his head. We start to jog awkwardly, but it doesn't feel right. Halfway there he stops me again. " Is it just me, or does something not feel right here?" I nod, and he thinks. "It's too quiet. Beatrice, ask me something."

We start to jog more. My legs are starting to ache, and my lungs burn, but I persist. "Uh, okay then. What's your favorite color?"

"White."

"Why white? It seems like such a boring color."

"Because white just seems pure. Like if you do anything to it, it isn't white anymore. It's something else. There aren't any different shades of it like there are of pink, or red, or blue, its just that-white." He says.

"Feeling philosophical tonight, are we?" I ask, and just then we reach the meadow. It looks even more beautiful at night with the moon shining on the grass.

"Nah, just a bit sentimental." He replies. I lift my eyebrows, which he either doesn't see or ignores me. "So what do you want to do?"

"Well, we can't do much, since it's a meadow, not a gym. What do you suggest?" I say.

"Have you ever heard of push-ups?" I shake my head, "Okay. Get down onto the ground like I am." I copy his position. Knees are on the ground, my hands holding me up underneath me. "Now move your feet out, and keep your body straight, like I board." I copy him, but fall after a few seconds, my body weight too much for me.

"I can't do it. I told you, I'm not strong enough." I say, sitting up. He shakes his head.

"You ran all the way to the hill, didn't you? That counts for something. Anyways, do you think Dauntless are born with all that strength? No, they had to make it. Just like we are. Right now. We are going to make ourselves strong. But if you give up like that, then you are going to get nowhere and you might as well just leave now, because I'm not friends with quitters. And I know you aren't a quitter, Tris."

"Tris?" I ask. I heard his pep talk, and he was right. I couldn't give up. I needed to train for Dauntless.

"Uh, yeah. I just thought of it. It suits you. Beatrice is too long and Abnegation-like." He says, scratching the back of his neck. I smile and walk up and poke his nose.

"Well I like it, Toby," I say, giggling.

"Hey! That's not fair." He whines, making me laugh harder.

"Yes it is. You gave me a nickname, so I gave you one."

"Yes, but the one I made actually works for you."

"And Toby doesn't?"

"Hush, we need to get back to working out."

"But can I call you Toby?" I ask innocently. I know I'm getting on his nerves, but it's quite cute when he is frustrated.

"Sure, call me whatever you want as long as we can continue." I just laugh. He shows me the correct form for the push-up, and by the end of the night I could actually do a few, along with some sit ups and planks. After we do those we just run around the meadow, talking. After a while we decide to stop for the night.

"You don't want to over work yourself. We should take small steps, so that we reach our big goal. We can't just dive in, otherwise we'll strain our bodies and it won't end up good." I nod.

"When did you learn all this? Its not like Marcus would teach you about it or anything." He shrugs.

"I saw a few Dauntless working out after school when I was younger. I didn't think much of it at the time, but just watched them out of curiosity and learned a lot. I guess it came in handy." I smiles, and I smile back.

We walk back to Abnegation, as a 'cool-down'. When we reach my house I turn and give Tobias a big hug. I feel him flinch slightly, but then melt into the hug. We stand there for a while, hugging each other, before I break away.

"I should get going and get some sleep before school. See you tomorrow same time?" I ask and he nods. "Good night, Toby."

"Good night, Tris." He says, and waves as I walk around my house, climb up towards my window, and sink into my bed thinking of all the wonderful things I did tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

Tobias POV

I lie on my stomach once more on my bed. It was Wednesday. Which meant Marcus was extra stressed over work, which ultimately led to the worst beating of the week. Thankfully he didn't put me in the closet like he does most of the time, letting me suffer from the pain in my room instead. After a while I decide I should clean myself up, so that the lashes on my back don't get infected. I reluctantly get off my bed as quietly as I can, and reach for the first aid kit hidden under my bed.

Once I finish disinfecting and bandaging my back, I lie back on my bed, willing sleep to come.

But it never did.

I sigh, not knowing what to do. It's not like I could randomly get Tris to come to the meadow with me. I requested Wednesdays to be our rest day, because I knew I wouldn't be able to train with my injuries. She agreed, and thankfully didn't seem suspicious at all. But tonight I had to get out of the house, and do something. Anything.

I slowly get out of my bed, wincing as my now stiff back moves. I quietly open the window, and climb out like I do every night. I'm a bit clumsier tonight, as pain sears through my back every time I move. If I want to keep doing this every night, I am going to have to start getting better at it.

Once I reach the ground, I realize I have nowhere to go. I haven't memorized the route to the meadow yet, and I certainly don't want to get lost trying to reach it. I decide to just walk around and see if I find anything.

After walking through the roads for a while, I find myself near the train tracks. My mother sometimes brought me here when I was younger. We would watch the Dauntless jump on after they left school, trying to prolong our time away from the house. It worked, but Marcus was always more angry when we got home. It was worth it though, those extra hours with my mom. That was before she died. Leaving me with him.

I shake my head to rid my thoughts of Marcus. I look around. My eyes are already well adjusted to the dark, but I can still only see the outlines of objects. Suddenly, something catches my eye. What looks like a building stands a few yards away. It's most likely a factionless house or something, but I am intrigued and investigate it anyways. As I get closer, I see the details of the building more clearly. By now I am certain it isn't a factionless house. It's too nice. Not like any Abnegation building, really, especially not this far from the faction center. I decide to investigate. Maybe this could be Beatrice' and my new meeting place.

I open the door, and cringe when it squeaks. I walk in, and the lights flicker on. I assume they are attached to motion sensors, so that they don't waste energy, but yet they never turn off when you use them. Smart.

As I look around, I feel my jaw drop. This place is exactly what Beatrice and I need. It looks like an abandoned Dauntless training room. Probably somewhere the kids used to train here after school or something. I just hope they aren't still using it.

As I walk around, it becomes obvious this place hasn't been used in years. Dust covers everything, but that doesn't matter. Beatrice and I can clean it up. Or maybe I could. On my own, and then I could surprise her.

I look at each of the stations one by one, trying to figure out what we would do at them. The building is built for 3 people, which is great for us. On the right side of the back wall there are three targets. As I look closer I see old holes in the targets. They don't look like they were made from bullets, and I realize they are made from knives. I sigh. We don't have any knives to use, and it's not like we could steal the ones we use at dinner. Even if we could, they would be too blunt.

Punching bags are hung on the left side of the back wall, right next to the targets. These will be real useful, but a little tricky without gloves to protect our hands. But we can make do.

I turn around and observe the fighting rink. Its covered in dust, but looks usable. Not that I could ever spar with Beatrice. I couldn't hurt her, even if I was helping her. Plus, with Marcus beating me every night, I would probably go down with one blow, which wouldn't be much help for either of us.

All of the sudden a door catches me eye. It's on the right side of the wall, and I cautiously step towards it. I cringe when the door creaks, and then gasp when I see what's behind it.

It holds a full sheath of knives, and three relatively new punching gloves, plus a first aid kit. I open the first aid kit first, and notice that it has everything we would need if we got hurt in training. I look at the knives, and admire the fineness of each edge

I see a broom in the back of the closet and randomly decide to sweep. I have to start somewhere cleaning this place, and it might as well be the floors. So for the next half hour, which I thankfully know from the clock above the door, I sweep the floors, until I have all the dust in a neat pile, which I sweep out the door. Then I find a duster and dust everything. The punching bags, the targets, everything. It's about two a.m. when I finish, and I proudly look around the room. Everything is clean, and ready for when I bring Beatrice tomorrow night. I hope she likes it as much as I do. The possibilities are endless, and if we continue to train, we are guaranteed to make it into Dauntless.

At least I hope we will.


	7. Chapter 7

Tris POV

I lay in my bed, straining my ears to hear my family's snores. My mind subconsciously separates the three even though they are all the same. Caleb's is light, barely noticeable, whilst my dad's is deep and is mingled with my mother's which has a tone of calmness, if a snore can be calm. I decide now is a good time to leave, so I change into some pants and a shirt and pull my long hair into a high ponytail. I prop open my window and climb down carefully.

As soon as I touch the ground I bolt around to the front of my house where I know Tobias awaits me. I bask in the feeling of the wind whipping against my skin, sending chills down my spine. I long for this feeling – the feeling of freedom – all day. It's what keeps me going during the boring hours of school and the never ending service projects with my mom.

I abruptly stop when I reach the front of my house. Tobias sits on my porch step with a grin on his face. It's the first time I have ever actually seen him smile, and I find myself smiling back at him.

"I have a surprise for you." He says, still smiling. I raise my eyebrows.

"You do? What is it?"

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise would it?" I roll my eyes.

"Fine. Come on, are we jogging to the meadow?" He shakes his head, and I look at him confused. We always jog to the meadow, why would he change it after doing it for the past month?

"Follow me." He says, and I start to walk in his direction when he turns his head around, "I never said we weren't jogging." He tells me with a smirk. I roll my eyes at him, and go to catch up with him to this mysterious building.

It didn't occur to me until Tobias stopped jogging that this might have all been a set up. Tobias could be leading me to his father, who could then proceed to scold me and report me to my father who would do who knows what. I shake my head-Toby wouldn't do that. At least I don't think he would.

"Here we are." He announces, giving me a moment to survey my surroundings. I can't see much as I wipe the thin layer of sweat off of my forehead. Suddenly my eyes notice the large building in front of us.

"Are we going in there?"

"Yup."

"And it's safe?"

"Would I take you in there if it wasn't?"

"Oh I dunno - for all I know you could be leading me to your father to get me into trouble." Tobias scoffs, and a look of hatred flashes across his face.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Bea." He says, looking into my eyes sincerely.

"Bea? You seem to like nicknames an awful lot." I comment, with a slight smile.

"Something like that." A ghost of a smirk crosses his face. "Well, do you want to go in or not?" I stifle a chuckle.

"This had better make up for our workout Toby." I say seriously. He glances at me.

"Trust me, it will." And opens the door.

As soon as I walk inside I am speechless. Electric lights light up the entire room with a bright white light, and training equipment is everywhere. Punching bags are in one corner, with gloves and wraps laid out neatly on a table in front of them. Targets with their knives are in another corner, and a fighting ring in the middle. My jaw drops open, and I turn to Toby.

"How-How did you find this place? And all this stuff!" He chuckles, a smile growing once more on his lips.

"Last night I couldn't sleep, so I took a walk. I didn't want to wake you up in case I accidentally woke up your family. I came to the train tracks, found this, and cleaned it up." He said proudly. I smiled.

"You did all this on your own? For me?" You looks at me seriously.

"For us. You and I are going to make it into Dauntless, I know it. Now come on, what do you want to do first?" I look around and my eyes land on the punching bags. I look from them to Tobias and back. He nods. "Punching bags it is." My face lit up, "After we warm up." I groan, and he chuckles.

Two hours later Tobias and I finish, our bodies covered in sweat. We warmed up, and then proceeded to work on punching and kicking techniques before we moved onto knives. Tobias was amazing at both while I was just trying my best to keep up with him. I cast my eyes down. It won't be long before Tobias realizes how much of a failure I am, and makes me leave.

He must realize my slightly down mood, because he puts his finger under my chin and pulls my head up.

"What is the matter Bea? Are you okay?" I nodded.

"It's nothing - just tired." I lie. I know he doesn't believe me, as he gives me a look of disbelief.

"Well, okay then. Do you want to walk back home then?" I perk up and nod. He smiles.

"Then let's go, so you can go sleep before school tomorrow." I nod, and take my aching hair out of its ponytail and let it run free down my back for the first time today. We put away the knives and gloves, and then leave the training room for the night already anticipating the next night when we get to use it again.

We walk in silence for a while, before Toby breaks it. "Let's play a game." I quirk my eyebrow.

"Like what?" He thinks a moment before answering.

"How about 10 questions? You ask me a question, then I ask you one until we each ask each other ten." I nod.

"Okay. That sounds good. You start."

"What is your favorite color?" He asks me the same one I asked him. I think for a second.

"Orange."

"Orange?"

"Yeah. Not the bright kind, but like the sunset. The soft but bright kind. The window in my bedroom faces the west, so I have grown up watching the sunset since I was little." Toby nods, smiling slightly. Something shines in his eyes. Longing? What would he long for?

We continue to ask each other questions, until we reach my house. I turn towards him.

"Thank you Tobias. For finding that. I just had the best night of my life." He smiles.

"Me too." And walks away. I turn around to walk to my window before he stops and calls me.

"Tris!" I turn, to look at his eyes looking into mine. "You did good tonight. Real good. I knew you had it in you." We smile back at each other, and then he turns towards his house and I turn towards mine. I climb up the wall and into my bedroom where I change into my pajamas and try to fall asleep. Something feel weird though. Different. Then I realized.

It was the butterflies still fluttering in my stomach from when he called me good.


	8. Chapter 8

Tris POV

I cautiously get out of my bed. Even after two years, I am still worried about someone hearing and finding me. I slowly remove my sleeping gown, and replace it with my tightest shirt and pair of pants. I open the window, and climb down with the help of the crevices and crannies that line the back wall of my house.

I start to jog towards the training room, not bothering to stop and wait for Tobias. Last night he told me that for some reason he would be late, and to go ahead and meet up with him at the training room. Tobias and I have been training together every night for the past two years. Well, besides Wednesday nights. Those are our rest nights, so we don't over exhaust ourselves. Over that time we have both developed much more muscle than the average Abnegation has.

This proved to be a problem at first, because this new muscle was easily seen in our old clothes, so we had to find an excuse to get new ones that were baggier and would hang over our bodies instead of cling to them. However, we kept the old outfits to train in so that we wouldn't have to worry about our baggy clothing slowing us down.

With the help of Tobias, I have improved in all of our activities. However, knife throwing is my strength. By now I can throw a knife blindfolded and hit the bullseye. My fighting skills have also improved, though Tobias has much better form than I do. We take turns spying on the Dauntless during lunch and recess, which surprisingly teaches us a lot of techniques as they like to brag and show off to each other all the time.

Tobias still won't spar with me, no matter how much I ask him and show that I am strong enough. He always says that he doesn't want one of us to accidentally hit the other and then have to worry about making a cover story. Whenever I ask him though, I always see something flash in his eyes before he covers it up again and gives his excuse. It's always gone before I can identify it, but it leads me to think he isn't telling me his full reason. I don't pry though-he is already doing enough by helping me train. I should give him a bit of privacy.

The past two years have been the best of my life. I feel so free, despite having to sneak out all night. This is what I am meant to do, I know it. And in two years I can have it all without having to sneak around. We can have it all. Together.

Or at least that is what I want. He probably won't care a bit about me once he transfers to Dauntless. I am just someone who happens to have the same goal as him, and once he reaches that goal he is just going to leave me behind and forget everything. I try not to think about that though-instead I try to think about it if he actually felt the same way I feel about him. I wonder-

My thoughts are interrupted when I reach the training room. I open the door, and blink rapidly so my eyes can adjust to the sudden light. I head straight to the punching bags, not bothering to do the normal warm up routine since I just jogged. I strap my gloves on, and start to beat the bag making sure to stay in the form Tobias continually corrects me on. I let my thoughts drift on their own again, and once again I end up daydreaming about Tobias.

I wonder if he looks forward to these nights as much as I do. Or if his stomach fills with butterflies every time I smile at him. Suddenly I feel a pair of hands wrap around my waist, and a low voice whisper in my ear, "Keep tension here."

I wonder if he feels the same sparks I do every time our skin connects.

Tobias' POV

I groan as the cold water pounds against my bloodied back. Marcus had a meeting tonight, which meant a harsher beating than usual. It also meant I had to make an excuse as to why I would be late to training tonight. Or at least I think I will. Bea might not ask, but knowing her curiosity she probably will. I try to hurry anyways, knowing the longer I take cleaning myself up the less time I will have to train.

After I finish I check to make sure Marcus is asleep in his room, which he is, and climb out my window trying not to think about the height. Instead, I focus on Bea.

Bea.

I jog towards the training room so I won't have to warm up when I get there. Normally I will walk with Bea, and we will talk about our days together and enjoy the feeling of being able to be selfish for once. I have been happier the past two years than I have ever been before. Training has become a release for me. I can put all my anger and pain into my punches to the punching bag rather than giving Marcus the satisfaction of my tear stains on my pillowcase.

I want to tell Bea about Marcus, no I need to. She is the only person who cares about my existence and she deserves to know. I know she suspects something, I have never been Candor and I know she can see through my lies. Every time I cover up for Marcus, I see a tiny bit of her trust crumble away and it sends a dagger through my heart. If I want to tell her my true feelings…. I will need to have her full trust.

I quietly sneak into the training room and attempt to sneak up on Bea who is punching away at a punching bag. It is barely moving, and I notice she isn't keeping tension in the correct place so I walk up to help her.

My true feelings…. I have never felt this way about someone before. The longing to see her every night. The butterflies in my stomach every time she smiles at me….

"Keep tension here." I say, placing my hands on her waist. I feel her jump, and spin around to me with a huge smile.

I wonder if she feels the electric sparks that I feel every time our skin brushes.


	9. Chapter 9

Tobias POV

Tris and I train together for the next hour or so, alternating between doing bodyweight exercises, punching bags, and knife throwing. She hasn't asked me why I was late, but I can feel her eyes on me. Its as if she was trying to figure out herself, instead of asking me. I know I need to tell her the truth. She deserves the truth. But I don't think I am ready to handle losing her, because once she realizes how broken I am, how messed up my life is, I know she won't want to associate herself with me.

Stupid Marcus. Getting in the way of everything I care about, even if it is indirectly. I start to punch the bag harder, sending all my anger into the hard,rough surface. Why couldn't I have had a normal Abnegation childhood, following a dad to work dinners, helping a mom with the factionless? Why did Evelyn have to leave me? Was I not good enough for her, just like I am not enough for Marcus?

By now the bag is swinging, and I feel a small hand touch my sweaty shoulder. I slightly jump, from both pain and surprise.

"Tobias?" Bea asks softly, "You okay?" She looks between me and the punching bag. I nod slightly.

"Yeah. I just….just had a bad night that's all." I hate lying to her. Every lie is like adding another brick to a brick wall between us. She nods and spins me around so that I am fully facing her, and then holds my hands in hers. I hope she doesn't notice how mine are shaking from being so close to her.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" I raise my eyebrow at her. I am pretty sure that what I could tell her would scare her off within minutes. "I am serious. We have known each other for what? Almost two years now. I think it is pretty safe to say you can trust me." I shake my head. I have grown to close to her. I couldn't lose her-it would break me even more than my father already has.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I whisper, loud enough for her to hear. It's true. Even if I did get the chance to tell people, who would believe stupid Tobias over Marcus Eaton? Its hardly a question worth asking.

"Yes I would." She whispers. "You are my friend, and friends trust each other. I know you are hiding something, Tobias. And it is hurting you. Its hurting ME." I wince at her words.

"You would believe me over my father?" I ask. Her eyes flick down to the floor and then she looks straight into my eyes.

"Yes." I sigh, but gently lead her to the slightly raised platform that is meant for fighting. We sit across from each other and I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

"What do you want to know?" I ask. She thinks for a moment.

"Why were you late tonight?" A simple enough question, but the answer was much more complicated. I sigh.

"So, as you know, my mom died when I was six." Bea nods, but looks slightly confused as to what this has to do with why I was late. "My dad, er, Marcus. He… he beat her." Bea gasps, and I squeeze my eyes shut tight. "After she died, he… he started to beat me too. He whips me with his belt, then keeps me in the closet for days. That's why he tells everyone that I am a sickly boy, that I have anger problems and am overly shy of strangers. He doesn't want me to tell anyone, to ruin his perfect reputation as Abnegations' perfect selfless leader." I take a deep breath. "That is why I was late tonight. The meeting the leaders had tonight, the one I assume your dad went to, was stressful like all meetings are for Marcus. So like normal he took it out on me, which is why I was late." I keep my eyes shut. I don't want to see her ice blue eyes looking at me like I am a kicked puppy. But neither do I want to see her look at me like the disappointment that I am.

Instead, I feel a pair of arms wrap gently around me careful not to touch my back too harshly. A voice whispers in my ear. "You are so strong Tobias. So so strong." What? I pull back, and look her straight in the eyes. My deep blue ones scan her grey blue ones, searching for any trace of pity or disappointment. Instead, I am surprised to see compassion in them along with…anger?

Her actions shocked me so much it didn't even sink in that she believed me. She believed me. She didn't leave me.

"Wait. you actually believe me?" I ask. Bea scoffs.

"Why wouldn't I? You obviously are telling the truth. And you aren't the one to lie about this kind of thing." She glances at my back. "Can I, er, see them?" I look at her quizzically, but nod anyways. Why does she want to see my back? I gingerly lift my shirt over my head, wincing as I do so. Bea walks around, and carefully unwraps the bandages I messily put on only hours before. As soon as the bloody bandages came off, I heard her lightly gasp, and I stifled a groan. I knew it was too good to be true. I turn around.

"What? Is it really that bad? I tried to clean up as much as I could before I came here but I didn't want to keep you waiting longer than I already had and-"

"No, I mean yeah it is bad, but no that isn't why I gasped. Just." She looked close to tears now, but I don't know why. Why would she care so much about my well being? "How could someone do this to you? Let alone your own father? Why does he do this? Or is it just for his own sadistic pleasure?" By now her eyes hold an angry flame, one that I know won't go out any time soon.

"He says it is for the greater good. That I am not selfless enough, that...that I am a sorry excuse of a son and don't deserve him as a father, and… and…" I am near tears right now, but I need to hold it together. I can't look weak in front of her. "That I would be more use dead than be the burden I am to him." I sigh. Tris shakes her head angrily.

"Why haven't you told anyone? I am sure someone in Abnegation could help…." I shake my head.

"Nope. Even if they did believe me, Marcus has too much power and it would all come back to me in the end. And I don't particularly fancy being stuck in a closet unconscious for a week." Tris winces, and I feel bad. I carefully put my shirt on, and then wrap my arms around her small frame.

"Tris?" I mumble.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still trust me? Even after I kept this from you for two years?" She pulls back.

"Of course I do. I will admit I am a tad hurt, but I understand why you did it. If would have done the same if I were in your position." I wince as that thought occurs to me, but I shake it from my head. She looks up to me. "Are you sure you are going to be okay?" I smile and nod.

"Yeah. This doesn't change anything right?"

"Right." She hugs me. "Thank you for telling me, Toby. For trusting me." I smile at the nickname and nod.

"Thank you for believing me, and for not pitying me." I look at the clock and realize we have stayed an hour longer than we should have. "We should get going. It's late." Tris nods, and starts to walk out when she turns to me.

"No more secrets, okay? Promise me." I smile and nod.

"No more secrets. Promise." She returns my smile, filling my stomach with those darn butterflies again. She turns to walk out again, then turns back again.

"You chose Wednesdays as our rest day because Marcus has a meeting on that day, doesn't he?" I nod. She slightly smiles. "Guess you won't have to be alone then this week." And runs off before I can even figure out what she meant.


	10. Chapter 10

Tobias POV

I walk stiffly into my house after working on the school's coding program for over an hour. I walk into the kitchen, and wince when I see what time it is. Marcus should be home from his meeting in half an hour, and I haven't even started cooking dinner, let alone cleaning the house. I scramble to get the normal chicken on the stove, and the bread in the toaster. Maybe, just maybe I can finish before he gets home and my beating won't be too bad.

Who am I kidding? My beating will always be bad, no matter how perfect I am. Marcus just wants a punching bag to release his stress on, and I happen to be the closest thing available.

The chicken and bread finishes within twenty minutes, and I manage to plate them and serve them before I realize I forgot to cook the peas. My eyes widen, and I quickly take out a pan and start to boil some water. I mentally plead that Tris' dad will somehow strike up a conversation with Marcus, giving me some time. I place the peas in the boiling water, and hear the door creak open. I flinch. Just like always, the odds weren't in my favor.

"Why isn't dinner ready yet?" Marcus asks, standing right behind me. I jump, and spin around.

"Uh, um, the technician needed me longer at the school today and I came home later than normal." I stutter out. Marcus tsks disapprovingly, taking a seat at the small grey table in the kitchen.

"Why is it, that whenever you do something wrong, you always blame it on other people? Don't you know that is selfish?" He asks. I gulp, he always manages to twist my words so that whatever I say always turns against me. Which is why, when it comes to Marcus, staying silent is the best thing to do.

"I, I don't know sir. I'm sorry." It's better to just accept it, before I get myself into more trouble. The peas are done cooking, so I strain them and serve them on the two plates on the table. I start to grab them both, dreading having to eat under my father's glare, when he speaks up.

"There will be no need for two plates, Tobias, you won't be eating." I hold back a groan. I wasn't allowed lunch either, and my stomach was nearly eating itself out of hunger.

"Yes father." I say, placing what would have been my plate in the refrigerator. Maybe I can sneak down here later tonight and grab something. That is, unless he decides to lock me in the closet again.

"You may go to your room now, I will be up shortly." He says with a pretense of kindness, as if he were doing me a favor. I bow my head, and turn to walk up the stairs. I enter my plain room, and sigh. I fall on my bed, and try to clear my mind of all the images that were flying through it. Marcus with his belt, Tris, the darkness of the closet, Tris, the deep ache of my back after a beating, Tris. The words she spoke to me last night still haunt my mind. 'I guess you won't be alone this week.' What did that mean? Of course I won't, I see her every night. Except Wednesdays, since they are our rest days because of Marcus….

I bolt upright, the realization of what she meant. No, she wouldn't do that. Not for me, especially considering how much riskier it is and how much trouble we both would get into if we were caught. But this is Tris we're talking about, she wouldn't do something unless she completely thought it through and knew it would work.

At least I hope that's what she did.

The sound of my father's footsteps breaks me of my trance, and I jump off of my bed. He can't see me lazing around, that would just make him more angry. "Hello, father." I say politely.

Before I know it, I feel a stinging pain on my cheek and realize he slapped me. It's not the violence that shocks me, but the fact that he did it in an obvious place. "Cut the crap me, what are you supposed to do every day once you get home from school?" His dark blue eyes look black in the dark evening light. I gulp, cowering away from him.

"I immediately make dinner and clean the house." I whisper, too afraid to say something wrong.

"And what did you do today?"

"I was selfish and waited to make dinner, making you wait longer after work and didn't clean the house." The sentence makes me want to throw up. He should make his own food. He is the parent after all.

"Good. Wait here." Like I had anywhere else to go. I shiver, knowing full well that he hasn't decided to let me off the hook easily. No, he was going to go get his belt. The belt he always used to punish me with. The belt that made my life so painful.

"You know what to do." His voice is cold, filled with hate. I turn around and kneel, pulling my shirt off to reveal my bare back to him. The back that was already filled with scars and unhealed cuts. "This is for your own good, Tobias." I hear the belt fly through the air, accompanied by a loud crack as it hit my skin. I wince. "You are a disgrace to the community, I should have given you away when I had the chance, made you factionless when you were just a child. It would have saved me so much time and effort. Now I have to deal with you, you little shit." The belt hits my back in synchrony with the curse, but this time the belt buckle hits it. I groan, and feel a tear drop from my eye. No. I won't give him the satisfaction. "Aw, is little Tobias hurting? Maybe this will show you how much it hurts to have to call you a son." His words make me wince, and he whips the belt buckle again. I bite my lip to keep from screaming out in pain. When will this end?

He finished off his 'lesson' with a neat kick to my side, efficiently knocking me to the floor where he could then proceed to kick me more. Thankfully, he got tired of it pretty quickly and left me to clean myself up.

I lay on my stomach on the floor, and jump at the sound of my window opening. Tris. In the midst of my pain, I forgot that she was coming. I mentally scold myself, I should have at least tried to clean myself up before she came. Now she has to see me as the mess I really am.

"Tobias?" She whispers. Her voice alone makes me smile, the pain in my back and chest forgotten for a moment. I painfully sit up, ignoring my backs screams.

"Tris!" I whisper back. "Why did you come? I thought you were resting." It WAS our rest day after all.

"Well it doesn't look like you managed to rest much." She says, eyeing my back. I sigh, and her eyes soften. "Do you want help?" I shake my head.

"No, I'm fine. Just being here helps." I try and stand up, but my legs break under me and I fall instead. I wince, I hope Marcus didn't hear that.

"You don't look fine to me." She scans the room. "Where is your first aid kit?"

"Under the bed. Have to hide it from Marcus, because he claims it's 'too selfish.'" Tris snorts, and stretches her short arm underneath the bed to get it.

"Says the man who beats his son as a stress reliever. Aha!" She pulls out the red box, and glances at me nervously. "Are you sure you're okay doing this?"

I nod, "I wouldn't rather anyone else do it." Immediately after I say it I realize how flirtatious it sounded, and mentally facepalm. Why did I have to be so stupid? She smiled and came over, offering me her hand.

"Here, let's get you onto your bed and I can help you from there." I take her hand and pull myself up with her help. I can't believe how weak I am. I can't even stand up for goodness sake. "I am just going to wet your shirt, and I will be back." Before I can protest, she is out my door. I sigh, mentally begging Marcus to be fast asleep.

A minute later Tris returns with a damp cloth. "Lie on your stomach, okay?" She asks softly, her voice filled with comfort. I follow her instructions and lie on my stomach, so my back lies up. I gasp in pain, as I put weight on my bruised ribs. "Oh, God, Tobias, did he hurt you on your stomach too? I'm sorry, I should have asked. I'm terrible at this. Here, sit back up." I do what she says once more, not minding the pain. It helps me ignore the fact that she was sitting on my bed with me, in the middle of the night to help me, without any prompting.

She gently pressed the damp shirt onto my back, and I gasp. I feel her wince, and feel bad. "Don't worry about me. It doesn't really hurt. Just don't stop until you are done, otherwise it hurts more." She nods, and continues to wash off the blood and sweat from my back. After that, I feel a cool cream being smothered over my cuts, and suddenly I don't feel them anymore. I feel my muscles relax. This felt nice. Very nice.

Tris then wraps my back in bandages, and turns me around, running her hands gently along my chest, then my stomach. I wince when she runs over the places where Marcus kicked me, and her brows furrow.

"Did he kick you?" I nod slowly, and she sighs. "Not much I can do about that, you will just have to go easy in training." I start to protest before she cuts me off, "Tobias, if you don't let this heal then it will only get worse. And that won't be good, will it?" I shake my head, and she hands me another grey t-shirt putting the other in my laundry hamper.

"What was that cream stuff you put on? And where did you find it?" I whisper to her, looking into her eyes. I could barely see them, but I knew them so well that I could imagine them.

"Its called numbing cream. I managed to sneak some from when I helped my mom distribute supplies to the factionless this afternoon. I thought it would come in handy for tonight. Does it hurt?" She asks, I shake my head.

"No, it does exactly what it's suppose to. I don't feel a thing. Thank you." I whisper. Tris smiles, and I find myself smiling back. It occurs to me that her face is half a foot away from mine, and all I want to do is close it and press my lips to hers. But of course I can't, there isn't a single reason why she would like me the same way I like her. We are just friends, good friends. But I can't help but cling onto a sliver of hope that maybe she after tonight, that's highly unlikely.

"Okay." She whispers back, her voice cracking from whispering so quietly.

"Okay." I whisper, not sure how to respond. She giggles.

"Do you want me to stay? I mean, I don't want to be obtrusive or anything, and you should probably sleep. But, you know, if you want I can stay and we can talk….." She trails off, and I notice her hands are twisting together which I know she does when she is nervous. But why would she be nervous asking if she could stay?

"Sure, if you want. I mean, I don't want you to be tired for school tomorrow…" I say. She shakes her head.

"I'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about."

"Me?" Why would she be worried about me?

"Yes you, it's not like anyone else is here." I shake my head, but let it go. Tris and I sit and talk for the next hour about random things, and thankfully stay away from the topic of Marcus. Before I know it, my watch quietly beeps signalling that it's midnight. I look up at Tris, admiring how the moonlight from the window illuminates her face.

"It's midnight, and if you want to get a decent amount of sleep I would suggest you should go." Though I wish she could stay. She nods.

"Okay. Good night, Tobias. Are we still meeting tomorrow night?" I smile and nod.

"Of course." Tris nods back, and quietly gets off my bed. "Hey Tris?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. For coming tonight, for helping me, for… for being my friend." My voice cracks. "It really means a lot."

"Oh, Tobias." She turns around, voice soft with worry and care, and hugs me, taking care of not touching my back too harshly. "You don't have to thank me. I WANT to be your friend. And I wanted to come tonight. You shouldn't have to suffer this alone, no matter how much you are used to it." She lets go, and I immediately miss her warmth. "Good night, Tobias." She says smiling, then opens the window and climbs out. A small smile creeps up my face.

"Good night, Tris."

And for once in my life, this Wednesday night, no matter how painful, was indeed a good night.


	11. Chapter 11

Tris POV

It's been a few days since I visited Tobias in his room. It's Friday now, and I just finished school. I'm walking home when I see Tobias running towards me. Baffled, I immediately stop. Why is he outside? He is rarely outside during the day, because his good for nothing father doesn't want anyone seeing him. It's pathetic.

"Hey, Toby, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at home?" I check my watch, "Marcus will be home in half an hour, shouldn't you be making him dinner?" As much as I love him coming out to meet me, I don't want his beating tonight to be any worse than it already is. Nor do I want his dinner taken away-he is already starving. I can tell, but don't say anything because I know he hates being weak in front of me.

"Marcus is going to be late tonight." He pants. "He told me this morning. Apparently there is going to be a meeting or something, and he is going to have dinner there." He grimaces, and a wash of grief fills my heart. He shouldn't have to worry about whenever his dad is going to be home, or whether or not he is going to have a beating tonight. He shouldn't dread his dad going to meetings.

"Hey," I touch his shoulder gently, and savor it's warmth. Sparks tingle against my fingertips. By now we are a foot apart, but I want to close that gap.

Stop, you can't think of this now.

I knew I couldn't, but telling myself not to was of no use. I thought of him all the time. All. The. Time.

"No training tonight, okay? You need rest. If you want I can come to your room again and-"

"No."

"No?"

"I can't have you risking yourself like that. If your dad found out, or if, god forbid, my dad found out who knows what would happen. No, I won't let you get hurt because of me." I lightly glare at him, but don't push it.

"Okay then. I won't come visit you. But no training." I glance at him, not long enough so that I can get lost in his eyes, but long enough to see the pain in his face. The pain he tries to hide so hard. "We can go to the meadow, and hang out. We haven't been there in forever." A small smile creeps up his face.

"Okay. That sounds nice." His eyes stay lower to the ground. Why isn't he looking at me? Suddenly a thought occurs to me, and as I am about to tell him I decide against it and keep it in. I'll surprise him. He should like that. "But we start training again tomorrow. We can't slack off of it." I roll my eyes.

"Yes mother." A small chuckle escapes his lips, the laughter echoing in his eyes. I love that I can do that. I love that I can make him smile and laugh, even when his life sucks as much as it does. "Well, I should get home soon. Caleb is probably wondering where I am." Tobias nods.

"Yeah, okay. See you later then?"

"Yeah." He looked at me again, his mouth posed as if he were going to say something, but then decided against it and walked off.

I need to tell him. I should tell him. But I'm too afraid. I can't just throw it onto him, what if he doesn't feel the same way? It would totally ruin our friendship.

But what if he does like me the same way? That thought seems even scarier, but also more friendly.

I need to tell him. Maybe I can do it tonight, in the meadow. Seems like the appropriate place to confess your love for someone.

I reach my house, and thankfully Caleb isn't home yet. I quickly enter, and open up our closet. There isn't much in it, as most of our food is frozen. I might just have to steal some left overs from dinner.

I see a few apples on the counter, and grab two. Then I take two rolls from the bag in the kitchen. That will have to do for now. I can maybe get some chicken if I am sneaky at dinner. I rush up to my room and grab a pillowcase and drop the food inside then hide it in a drawer in my desk. I hear the door open, and rush downstairs.

"Hi Caleb." I greet my brother, and begin to take out the pans to cook the chicken and peas.

"Hello Beatrice." He said. "Here, let me help you with that." I nod to thank him. He takes over boiling the water and cooking the peas.

Soon my parents come home, and dinner is on the table. We all sit around it, and then we begin to eat. I manage to sneak a peice of my chicken in my pocket, and it joined the other one I snuck earlier before I set the plates. For once I am grateful I made dinner.

Soon we finish, and since it's Caleb's turn to wash the dishes I head upstairs to 'finish my homework' before we have family time in the living room. I place the chicken in the pillowcase, and put it on top of a blanket.

Now to wait.

Tobias POV

I groan as I push myself off the ground and into the bathroom. I look into the mirror, and my stomach flips. I look like a mess. A bruise decorates my jaw, and blood is scattered all around it. I wet the shirt I brought in with me, and gently place it on my aching ribs. I try not to think about how much I wish Bea were here right now.

You can't think that, Tobias I tell myself That is selfish. You should be glad she is safe.

Right. That is why I make her train with me every night. I move to my back, hissing in pain.

You can do it. Right after this you can go to the meadow with Bea.

I need to tell her tonight. It's cruel not to. But then again it might be cruel to tell her. I mean, I could just go ahead and stuff my feelings for her into a hole in the back of my mind and we could continue being friends for however long.

Or I could do the reasonable thing to do and tell her that I love her. That I have for a year now, and have been too much of a coward to say. And she could reject me, be disgusted by my feelings. Or by some miracle she could feel the same way, and we could be together.

I need to tell her. So I might as well tell her tonight, in the meadow.

I finally manage to clean myself up best I can, then I grab a random shirt and climb out my window. I smile when I see Tris in the road, waiting. The pain from my beating is forgotten, and instead it's filled with a warm fuzzy feeling.

"Hey." She whispers. She looks out of breath, and a trickle of sweat runs down her forehead.

"Hey." I glance her over. "Have you been running without me?" I ask in a teasing tone. She blushes. Or at least I think she does.

"Maybe." She teases back, a smile growing on her lips. "Come on, let's hurry." I raise my eyebrows.

"In a hurry I see." She rolls her eyes.

"Come onnnnnnn."

"Fine." I start to jog, ignoring the pain in my back. Tris suddenly gets in front of me and I stop.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Uh, hurrying like you told me too?" She rolls her eyes again.

"I meant to hurry up and start WALKING. No training remember? You need to heal. As of tonight I am your nurse. And as your nurse I command you to do no vigorous exercise, including jogging." I chuckle.

"Okay nurse Tris." She smiles. We walk in silence, until we reach the meadow I see Bea. I see her smile, but I don't understand why. Until we reach the reason why she wanted to come here quickly.

On the grass a blanket was neatly laid out, a bag of food in the middle of it and two plates next to it. I am speechless, and turn to Tris whose head is bowed almost as if she were nervous.

"I know it's not much-and I tried to get as much as I could but I could only get what wouldn't be noticed. And I know with everything going on your dad hasn't been letting you-" I cut her off, my heart nearly overflowing with gratitude.

"Stop apologizing, Bea. It's perfect." I glance at the food, realizing the risk she took to get it. For me. "You didn't have to do this you know. I would have been perfectly fine with just sitting in the meadow and talking." At this she lifts her head up, and through the moonlight I see her eyes glittering.

"I wanted to, Toby. You're my friend. And friends help friends." There is that word again. Friends. God, how much I wish we were more than that. I look her straight in the eyes, and try to convey how thankful I am.

"Thank you." I say. She smiles.

"Well, nurse Tris says you have to eat." I chuckle.

"Well then I guess I should eat then." She smiles, and we sit down on the blanket. She passes me a plate and then we both get too of everything, apples, chicken, and rolls. I raise my eyebrows. "How did you get the chicken?"

"There are certain advantages to cooking food without parental supervision." She said, smirking. I roll my eyes. I learned long ago I couldn't tame her rebellious spirit. Once I had let it out, there was no way to tame it again.

"Such a rebel." I say, smirking back. I take a bite of the chicken, and before I know it it's gone. So much for making it last. Bea eyes the chicken bone, and immediately I know what she is thinking. "Don't you dare offer me your share. This is more than enough. I can't ask you for any more." She rolls her eyes.

"In case you didn't notice, I already had my dinner. And by the looks of it, you didn't. So you are going to take my share, and you are going to eat it because otherwise nurse Tris will be very dissapointed in you."

"But-"

"No but's Tobias!" She says, her voice raising. I involuntarily flinch. I know she noices when her face twists. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. But really Tobias. You need it. I've grown up with enough food-you haven't. I hate to say it, but you are a growing teenage boy. You need at least twice the food I do, and you are getting half the amount I am. So take the food."

"Fine." I say, taking her share. Guilt floods my heart. This shouldn't be happening. I should be at home sleeping, my stomach rumbling. But no. Tris risked herself to get me this. I guess I shouldn't be selfish and deny her gift.

"Why do you care so much anywyas?" She asks, scooting closer. "It's not like that was the only food I have." I shake my head.

"I don't care about the food… I care about you. I care about the fact that you could have gotten in trouble for this, in trouble because you were trying to help me. I don't deserve your help, or your kindness, or any of it." I say. Bea looks at me.

" Oh Tobias." Her finger touches my cheek, wiping away the tears that stain it. I curse myself. I shouldn't burden her with my troubles. That was stupid. "Don't ever feel that way. Of course you deserve this. You deserve all this, and more. I'm just not able to give it to you." She nodded to the food. "So you eat that up. Then we can play 10 questions." I raised my eyebrows at her. "Or we could just talk…" She added awkwardly. I laugh.

Once all the food is finished, and my stomach is full for the first time in weeks, we settle onto the blanket together. I hear her take a deep breath and then turn to me, holding her head up with her hand.

"I have something to tell you."

"I do too."

"You go first." She says.

"Fine." I take a deep breath. I should have prepared a speech, a witty catchphrase, something. "Tris, ever since last year…. My feelings for you have changed." Her eyebrows raise.

"What do you mean?" She asked. I gulp, and feel sweat gather on my face.

"I love you Bea." I blurt out. "I have ever since last year, but I was too much of a coward to tell you until now. And I completely understand if you don't feel the same way, but it was only fair that you knew before I leave for Dauntless next year." My heart beats faster, waiting for her reply.

"Tobias?" She whispers, her voice soft and gentle.

"Yeah?" I hate how my voice shakes like that. Hopefully she doesn't notice. We are 4 inches away from each other, and all I want to do is close it so the space between us doesn't exist.

"I like you too." My head spins towards her. What?

"What?" She chuckles quietly.

"I said I liked you too. That's what I had to tell you tonight." Before I knew it, my lips were on hers. Fireworks went off, and heat filled my body. This felt right. Kissing her felt right. My hands subconsciously moved to her hair, tangling themselves in her blond locks.

We break apart for air, and then stare at each other. I hear a twig crack in the distance, and instinctively whip around to scan the trees surrounding us. When I don't see anything, I turn back to Tris who has a huge smile on her face just like me.

"You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that."

"You have no idea how long I have wanted you to do that." She replies, and my smile grows impossibly bigger.

"So, uh, what are we now?" She asked, after a moment of us just staring at each other.

"Uh, I guess we could be boyfriend and girlfriend?" I say, more as a question than as an answer. "Not that it really matters, considering we are in Abnegation and dating isn't even acceptable until you are like 20." Tris snorts.

"Yeah, okay." She looked me in the eyes. "But you have to promise me something."

"What?"

"That when you transfer to Dauntless you won't forget about me and move on to some prettier better girl." She glanced down. "And if you plan on doing that, don't even start a relationship with me because I'm not up for having my heart broken in a year." My eyes soften. I tilt her chin up with my finger.

"Hey." I say gently. "I would never do that. I promise not to leave you. I'll remember you, forever and always." She smiled, her face brightening again.

"Yeah." She repeated, "Forever and always."


	12. Chapter 12

Tobias POV

Pain sears through my back as I open my window. I stiffen as it squeaks, and strain my ears for any sound that would suggest Marcus was awake. The house was silent, besides the sound of water rushing through the popes and the air moving through the vents.

I slide my body through the window hole, and placed my foot in the familiar crevice. Then I heard a door open and footsteps. I froze.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit. This was not happening. I quickly pull myself inside, just as my door opens.

"Where might you be going at this time of night? Marcus asks, his face portraying no emotion.

"Out-outside sir." I say, shaking in fear. I hate how he does this to me. How much power he has over me. Marcus walked towards me, and I jumped when he slammed the window shut. I hope Tris hears it from the road and takes the hint and doesn't wait for me.

"And why," Marcus said, his teeth clenched in anger. "Would you go outside in the middle of the night?"

"I wanted some fresh air." I said, hoping he would believe my lie. "I wanted to walk around Abnegation, and can't during the day so-"

"You disobey not only my rules, but the rules of Abnegation by going out after curfew." I hang me head, feeling pathetic.

"Yes sir. I am sorry sir, it-"

"And you expect me to believe that this in no way relates to Andrew's daughter also sneaking out at the same time as you, and standing in the roads between her house and ours?" Shit. If he finds out about us….. I can't let him hurt Bea. I keep my face clean of all emotions, other than fear.

"What?"

"Drop the act Tobias." He spits my name like it is poison. "You and I both know you weren't going on a walk tonight. You are just digging yourself a deeper hole. How stupid do you think I am? Did you really think you could keep your relationship with Beatrice a secret?

"What are you talking about?" Maybe if I keep up the playing dumb act, he will eventually fall for it.

"You goddamn know what I am talking about, stop lying to me." I fall to the ground and gently touch my jaw where he punched me.

"Okay." Of course he won't fall for it. I will just have to blame it all on myself so it will look like she did nothing wrong. Marcus pushes his foot into my chest.

"Now explain."

"Well, I-I-" The foot pushes harder into my chest and I suppress a grown.

"Stop. Mumbling." He says, anger filling his voice. I nod.

"It started one day after school. I met up with her walking home, since we were released at the same time. We talked, and started meeting up after school more often. Then I suggested meeting up at night to avoid suspicion. She protested until I forced her to. I, I threatened her by telling her I would tell on her to you, and she would get hurt if she didn't follow me." Before I could react, Marcus grabbed my t-shirt and banged me against the floor. Spots blurred my vision.

"YOU." Bang. "TOLD." Bang. "HER." Bang. "ABOUT." Bang "THIS?" Bang. My head felt like it had been split open, and I could feel blood oozing from the back.

"No sir." I said, best I could. "I said since you were leader, I would blame her for something bad if she didn't come. And her punishment would be harsh, coming from the leader of the factions." Marcus eyed me, as if trying to detect my lie.

"Good." His words seemed fuzzy. I was positive he had given me a concussion, and that I would fall unconscious any minute. As much as I wanted to give in to the relief of unconsciousness, I couldn't. If I did, it would just make him madder. "Because if you had, I would have to set her straight, make sure we are on the same side. And I would hate to ruin that perfect face of hers." Marcus got off me, and I managed to sit up. One thing I had learned was to never lie down in front of Marcus. It lead to more pain.

"Let's see." He said, and I shivered. "Obviously the belt isn't teaching you anything. You broke more rules then I can count. We need to find you a new punishment." He glared at me, then as he left to go find a new torture device he added, "Don't move." Like I could after he banged my head six times.

When Marcus returned, he held something in both hands. I couldn't tell what either of them were through the haze of my concussion. But I could safely assume neither would be pleasant.

"Next time, think of the consequences before you go disobeying me." I took of my shirt without him asking. "This is for your own good Tobias." And the belt came down, belt buckle and all. It came again and again, until I couldn't handle it anymore. I gave into unconsciousness like a coward, my last thought hoping Bea wouldn't come 'visit' me any time soon.

Tris POV

I was worried for Toby. He missed training Tuesday and Thursday, and is late again tonight. Why was he abandoning me? The it clicks. Marcus. How was I so stupid? Without thinking I rush to Tobias' window, and climb up. When I reach the top I open the window as quietly as possible and pull myself in. I scan the room, but see no Toby. The possibility that this could be a trap flashes through my mind, but disappears as soon as it came. Where would Marcus put him? Downstairs? No, too obvious. And he wasn't in his room.

He locks me in his closet for days.

The closet. Of course. It's the reason Toby is claustrophobic. I try the handle, but find it locked. No surprise there. I grab a bobby pin from my hair, and stick it in the hole. I twist and push it until I hear a satisfying click. I open the door, and my heart melts at the sight inside.

Tobias was curled up in the corner shirtless, blood and bruises covering his body.

"Toby?" I whisper.

"Tris?" He whispers back. His voice cracked from lack of use and sounded dry. "Tris? You shouldn't be here. God, if he found out-"

"He won't." I say soothingly, though the noticeable tension in Tobias' shoulders don't go away. "How long have you been in here?"

"I-I'm not sure. What day is it?" He scoots into a sitting position, his eyes full of pain.

"Friday."

"Only three days then. Though Marcus probably is planning on keeping me in here for another seven." He said, a grim look on his face.

"What got him so mad?" I ask. "He hasn't locked you in here in months." Tobias sighed.

"He found out about us." I stiffen. No, no no no. This is bad. Shit. "Don't worry, I took the blame. I made up this crazy story about threatening you into meeting me every night. So you should be off the hook."

"You did what?!" He didn't do that for me. No wonder Marcus is so mad.

"Don't worry-it's just what Marcus expects from me. He would have been suspicious if I hadn't told him that."

"But, but-"

"Nothing. I'll be fine. We just have to be more careful from now on. "

"But look what he did to you!" I look at his arm, "Are those knife marks? Did he cut you?" Tobias shrugged, and tried to brush it off.

"Yeah, but by now it's numbed. I'll be fine. I couldn't let him think you did anything bad. Because I will be gone in a year, but I will be leaving you with Marcus for a year. And he will come straight after you if he has even the tiniest thing to hold against you. And-" Tobias falters. "If anything were to happen to you because of me, I wouldn't be able to handle it."

"Hey," I say, kneeling in front of him. I put my hand to his cheek. "Nothing is gonna happen to me. I will be fine. You just focus on yourself for now, okay?" He nodded. "Is there anything I can do to help? I could probably sneak you some food tomorrow or sometime next week."

"No. Just don't come back, okay? I don't think I can come up with another lie if he found you here." I nod, though I'm not too happy about it.

"Then I should be going." I look into his eyes, filled with pain and terror and suffocation. Before I know it, my lips are connected to his. The same fireworks that filled me last week fill me now, heat swells up in my body. "Come to training when you can, okay? Stay strong for me, okay? Be brave Tobias." And with that I get up, and close the door behind me. I re lock it with my bobby pin, and head out the window. How can Marcus do that, after hitting and cutting Tobias, without guilt eating him alive? I reach my window, then climb up the wall and into my bed. I fall asleep with the image of Tobias in the closet stuck in my head. Please, Tobias. I think Stay strong.


	13. Chapter 13

Tris POV

The guilt was eating me alive.

Every second of every day, knowing that Toby was in that closet in pain and starving was enough to drive me insane. I tried to tell myself that staying away was the best thing I could do, but that never helped. It was Sunday, and Tobias still hadn't come to training. I was helping my mom pass out food and clothing to the factionless, like we normally do on Sundays.

I needed to go visit Toby again. Maybe snitch some food from dinner, and bring it to him. The guilt had grown day by day, and I could tell it was about to burst. And I couldn't risk accidentally telling somebody. As much as it would help Toby, it would also make many other things worse.

As I hand out the last of my assigned clothing, I resolve to visit him tonight. He shouldn't have to sit in that closet alone until his good for nothing father decides to let him out. I don't care if Marcus catches me. Toby needs me, and the least I can do is to be with him.

Tobias POV

Pain. That was all I felt. Ever since I woke up in this closet, it had constantly filled me. But it was better this way. The pain was so overwhelming that it would block out the suffocating darkness of the closet. I know, as soon as the pain begins to numb, it will soon be replaced by the panic of suffocation.

The pain is better I tell myself. If only Bea were here….

No. Don't think that. The reason your are in this mess is because you wanted to be with Bea. My fingers skim the scars on my forearm. Pain prickles through my arm at my touch, but I ignore it. I have tried to figure out what the crudely carved letters spell, but it's too painful for me to figure it out just by touch.

I hear a creak, and footsteps approach the door. The handle jingles as Marcus unlocks it, and then the door creaks open. I shrink into the corner, dreading his after beating wrath. It's nearly as bad as the actual beating.

"Shhh, Toby it's just me." No, it can't be. I shake my head.

"Tris, I told you not to come back! What are you doing here?" I moved from the corner and sat up, and Tris gently hugged me.

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you okay." She handed me a bag. "Here. Leftovers from dinner." I looked inside of the bag. It had some bread, an apple, and some chicken. I look up to her.

"Tris, you-"

"I know I shouldn't have. I tried not to come, I did I promise. I kept myself as busy as I could with service projects and school, but the thought of you still being in here filled me with so much guilt I couldn't stand it. I had to come and see you, keep you company for at least a night." I sighed. I should have guessed Bea wouldn't stay away.

"Thank you," I say, "I know I have acted really ungrateful, it's just that I don't want you to risk yourself more than you have to. I can't bare the thought of you getting hurt because of me. But thank you. Really, thank you." She smiles. The little moonlight that escapes from my room reflects off of her face, illuminating it in a silvery glow.

"I know Tobias, I feel the same way." Her hand gently touches my bruised cheek, and I flinch immediately feeling bad as she pulls away. "But think about how I must feel. Knowing that I can do nothing but live my normal life while knowing you are locked up in here bruises and cuts covering your body?" I flinch again. She was right, I was so selfish. I had been totally and utterly selfish. What was I thinking?

She must realize she said the wrong thing because she hastily adds. "Oh god, I'm sorry Toby. I didn't mean it that way. You haven't been selfish at all, you have only been selfless. I have no right accusing you of that. I know you are only trying to protect me, and gosh I am so grateful for that." She looked me straight in the eye, tears threatening to spill out of them. "I think we both want the same thing for each other, and we are letting that stubborness get in the way of actually accomplishing that. We both want to keep the other safe and from harm, which in our predicament isn't easy." A tear leaks from her eye, and I raise my shaky hand to wipe it away.

"You know you can tell me anything right? Like I know I am the one in the shitty situation right now, but that doesn't mean I am the only one that is having problems. You can rant to me all you want, you know. I don't mind. That's what I am here for." Bea shakes her head.

"I don't know, I just… This sounds stupid. I feel bad for my good life, while yours sucks. And I feel bad for complaining about my problems when you are scared to come home every day and face your father."

"Hey, your problems aren't stupid. They are still your problems. You need to tell them to somebody, otherwise you are going to burst. And trust me, it won't be pretty when that happens." She bwed her head, and stared at the floor.

"The…. worse…" She mumbled.

"What?"

"The bullying at school." She said, "It's getting worse. It was never that bad, just the occasional stiff remark and push in between classes. But it's getting worse. The other day this kid called Peter punched my stomach." She grimaced. "It sounds stupid, I shouldn't be complaining about it. I should just suck it up and deal with it-"

"He punched you." I hissed, teeth gritted.

"Er, yeah. He was weak, so it didn't hurt much. Then everyone crowded around me and joined him in calling me names." She grimaced. "It wasn't the greatest day."

"And you are saying this is unimportant? Tris, he hurt you. He hurt you."

"I'm fine, I swear. Tobias, can we just drop it?" Reluctantly, I nod and grab the apple.

"If you eat it from the bottom up you won't need to eat around the core." She said. I nodded, and began to nibble it. The food seemed to awaken my empty stomach, and it growled. I blushed, and Tris looked like she wanted to laugh. Her eyes caught sight of my cut arm.

"Tobias, what is that on your arm?"

"Marcus carved something into it. I haven't been able to figure out what yet."

"Bring it here." She beckoned to the doorway of the closet. I scooted over, pain searing through my back as I did so. She grasped my arm gntly, and held it into the moonlit hallway. The word selfish was written in crude letters on it.

"He did something to me back too, but I'm not sure what." I didn't want to tell her I wasn't ready to know the state of my back. I knew it was bad. She nodded, almost as if she had read my thoughts.

"We can figure that out when you get out and we get it cleaned up." I love how she says we. I'm not alone anymore. Not with Tris. And I love it. She glanced at the bag. "You should get eating. As much as I want too, I can't stay forever and it would look suspicious if you just had an empty pillowcase in here."

I begin to eat, satisfying my stomach for the first time in a week. My mind keeps returning to what Tris said. Is school really getting that bad for her? Is it just going to get worse? Knowing Tris got hurt every day felt like a knife went through my heart.

I finish the food, and hand Tris the bag. "Thank you, for everything. You truly are amazing." She smiled.

"You are welcome Toby." She got up, and left the closet closing and locking the door behind her.

"Annnnd the silence returns." I mutter to myself, before I curl up and fall into a painful sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Tobias PoV

This was it. The night before the choosing ceremony. The night we had both dreaded since the day we met. Bea and I both agreed we wouldn't train tonight, and instead would spend our last night together in the meadow. I stood in the road between her house and mine, moonlight shining over me. The moon was full, both a blessing and a curse. The meadow would be extra beautiful tonight, but it also made it easier for Marcus to notice us. No, don't think of him tonight. Don't let any thoughts of him ruin your last night with Bea.

My back burned from where Marcus hit me today after he found my trunk of things. But it was the least of my worries tonight. What was I going to say? What was I going to do? I was leaving her for a year, a year. With Marcus. Stop thinking about him. He isn't worth it. I try not to think about him, but the thought that once I leave he could do whatever he wants to her and it would be all my fault sends a bolt of fear down my spine.

"Toby!" Bea's whisper shout jerks me from my thoughts. A smile forms on my lips.

"Hey." I say, enveloping her in a huge hug.

"Are you doing okay? How was your test?" Her concern warms my heart, and my smile grows. Gosh, the things this girl does to me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. The test went normal, Marcus told me everything I needed to do to get Abnegation as a result, as if my result is going to determine my choice tomorrow." I roll my eyes. "But how are you?" She shrugs.

"Fine, I guess. Better now that I am talking to you." We subconsciously start to walk to the meadow. Over the years the path has become familiar, and I could walk to the meadow with my eyes closed. Not that I am ever going to get the chance.

Bea glances at me carefully, her eyes looking almost silver in the moonlight. "What's bothering you? You look tense tonight. Is it the choosing ceremony tomorrow? Did Marcus hurt you?"

"It's nothing." I snap at her, and immediately regret it. "Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind. I shouldn't be taking it out on you." Her tiny hand grabs mine and she begins to rub circles on it. I feel some tension in my back relax.

"Do you want to talk about it?" We reach the meadow. Moonlight floods over the tall grass, which ripples with the gentle breeze. I sit down in a random spot, and Bea sits next to me and leans her head against my shoulder.

"Not really." I reply, and her response forms in my head before she can even speak it.

"Toby, you can't bottle up everything. Tell me, please. Maybe I can help." I shake my head. "Well, maybe if I tell you something that's bothering me and then you tell me something? A trade of sorts." I sigh.

"Okay. I guess, I'm just worried about leaving you alone with Marcus. I mean, he knows how to get to me and that's by hurting the things I care about. He knows I would take a thousand beatings before I let him come close to hurting someone I care about and if I am in Dauntless I can't do that. I can't keep him from hurting you and I know you are capable of taking care of yourself, but I hate leaving you alone and-"

"Toby, breath. Calm down." I stop rambling and take a deep breath. "Listen, I am going to be fine okay? While you are gone I am going to be the best Abnegation there could ever be, and I am going to avoid Marcus at all costs okay? Stop thinking about all the bad things, think about the good things."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact that you are one day away from living the dream you have dreamed about for years now. Or the fact you are one day away from escaping your abusive father. There are lots of good things Tobias."

"I guess, but they don't help numbing the bad things either." She sighs. "Now it's your turn."

"Mine is going to sound stupid."

"Why do you always say that? Your problems are never stupid. They are problems to you, which makes them important." She rolls her eyes.

"I don't know… I just…"

"Bea, you can tell me anything you know that right?" She nods.

"It's just…. I don't want to hold you back when you get into Dauntless."

"Hold me back? What do you mean by that?"

"You are going to transfer to Dauntless, and I am going to still be in Abnegation and there are so many prettier and more desirable girls there and-" I interrupt her.

"If you doubt for a second that I am going to leave you for one of them and betray you like that, you are dead wrong Beatrice." How could she think I would ever leave her?

"No, no, I don't doubt that will happen." Thank goodness. "That's just, uh, the problem."

"The problem? How is that the problem? Do you want me to break up with you?" My mind was whirring. What was she thinking?

"No! No…. it's just that, you deserve the best and I don't want to hold you back from having a better girlfriend and-" Before I know it, my lips are pressed against hers. She reacted immediately, her soft lips passionately kissing me back. I run my tongue along her bottom lip, and she opens her mouth. My hand gently caresses her cheek. Eventually we pull back for air and stare at each other, gasping.

"Bea, I love you. And that is never going to change. I don't want another girlfriend. I just want you, okay?" She nods, and I nod too. We lapse into a comfortable silence, and she is the first to break it.

"I am going to miss you Toby, so so much." Tears begin to fill her eyes. I feel my eyes begin to water, as it actually sinks in this is the last time I am going to see her for a year.

"I know, I am too." I hug her, as sobs begin to wrack her body. "Shh, it won't be that long. You could try and visit me on visiting day. And I could try and visit the training room once I finish initiation." Her sob . "Hey, I know it's gonna be hard. For both of us. But you are strong, I know you are. It's just a year, and once we get through it we can be together in Dauntless. Okay?" She nods.

"Promise me you will be careful okay? I get it's Dauntless and there isn't really any being careful, but just stay alive for me okay?"

" I think I can manage that. But only if you promise to survive the suffocation of Abnegation." She rolls her eyes, which are puffy from crying

"I'll try. But I don't know how much selflessness I can manage without you here to keep me sane." I smile.

"You will manage."

"I guess I will have to." She looked at the moon, which was beginning its decline in the sky. "I hate to say it, but we should get going." I nod, and stand up. I put my hand out, and help Bea to her feet.

We walk in silence as we head back to our houses. Once we reach her house, I grab her hand. "Just one more year, and we are going to be together in Dauntless. Just hold on to that hope, and you will be just fine." She looks up to me.

"I love you Tobias." I gently kiss her, wanting it to be my last memory of her as I head into Dauntless. Her hair radiating the moonlight, her almost silver eyes, her soft lips against mine.

"And I love you Beatrice."


	15. Chapter 15

Tobias POV

Today was the day. Today was the day that I would finally get away from Marcus. Today was the day that I would finally be free and join Dauntless.

But it was also the day that I would leave Bea.

I woke up this morning with my stomach churning with apprehension. I don't know why I am nervous, I know exactly where I want to go. Neverthless, it kept me from eating breakfast. I regret it now, but there is nothing I can do about it.

The choosing ceremony begins. The Dauntless leader, Max, begins by explaining each of the factions jobs and beliefs, and how/why they came to be. I ignore his speech, and instead try to find Bea in the mass of Abnegation grey. I flinch when I find her sitting right next to Marcus. Her hair is pulled back into a perfect Abnegation bun. It's weird to see her like this, a perfect Abnegation child, after spending the last three years with her acting like a Dauntless rebel.

The ceremony begins, and Max starts to call each person down for them to make their choice. "Zellnor, Gregory" He chooses Amity, his birth faction. Typical.

In no time at all, it's my turn. I'm not nervous when my name is called, excited almost. I reach the bowls, each representing a faction. I take the knife Max hands me, noting that it is a new one. A new knife for a new life. I pull it against my palm. My body doesn't even register the pain, probably because it is accustomed to much more extreme pain. I glance at my father, and he nods. I smile to myself. I put my hand over the Abnegation bowl, and I glance at Bea. Her face shows complete shock and almost… dissapointment? Marcus looks pleased, and as the blood begins to drip off my hand I switch it to the burning coals that represent Dauntless.

The room is so quiet that the sizzling of my blood on the coals echoes through the room. Dauntless bursts into cheers, and I smile.

I did it.

I am free at last.

I glance at Bea and Marcus as I move towards Dauntless. Marcus sits, shocked. My smile grows. I did that to him. I wasn't the perfect Abnegation child they thought I was. I was the first Abnegation-Dauntless transfer in more than a decade.

I see Bea looking for me, trying to catch my eye for the last thing before I am swallowed into the crowd of Dauntless. Our eyes meet, and I mouth 'I love you' to her. She nods, her eyes sending the message back from nearly across the room. My fears of her getting caught by Marcus are somewhat calmed. She just proved that she wouldn't do anything risky. She would stick to her promise.

At least I hope she would.

Tris POV

He did it. He made it. He nearly gave me a heartattack when he put his hand over the grey stones of Abnegation, but he made it. As he ran out with Dauntless, it was as if a piece of my heart was torn off and went with him. I felt hollow inside. I fought back the urge to cry, knowing Marcus was sitting next to me. I held back a groan when I realized I would have to comfort him. He doesn't deserve any comfort. He got what he had coming for, and quite frankly he deserved worse.

Once the ceremony ends, I help Abnegation clean up after everyone leaves. But I turn to Marcus first, deciding to get the worst over and done with.

"I am so sorry about Tobias, Mr. Eaton. What he did was awful, leaving you like that. Especially to join those helions of Dauntless." Each word hurt more than the last. How did Tobias put up with it when he went out?

A grim smile came across Marcus' face. "Thank you Beatrice. I… I don't know what I will do now that the house is empty." I gulp, and try to keep my comforting smile on my face.

"Well, if my parents don't mind, it would be my pleasure to invite you over for dinner tonight."

"I would love that Beatrice, but only if it isn't too much of a bother."

"I'm sure it won't be, let me go ask my mother." I leave him, and go find my mom who I find cleaning the bowls. "Mom?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"Can Marcus come over for dinner? I don't want him going home alone after everything today…."

"Of course sweetie! That is a great idea! How about you go ask?" I nod, and leave her. What did I just get myself into? I ask myself. You are keeping your promise to Toby. Nothing more, nothing less. I found Marcus helping cleaning the knifes. I go up to him.

"My mother said that she would love to have you over for dinner, as long as you didn't mind." I hated all this 'if you don't mind' stuff. It always sounded too reliant, like you could do nothing if nobody approved of it. Which, to be honest, was pretty true in Abnegation.

"Thank you very much Beatrice, now can you help me clean up these knifes?" I nod, even though helping him was the last thing I wanted to do at the moment.

Once we finish, everyone heads home. I rub my right hand. I had managed to cut myself more than once when cleaning the knifes. But I had managed to sneak one into one of the large pockets of my dress. It was almost a perfect throwing knife. Toby would have loved to throw it in practice. I guess he is going to be using much better training equiptment now that he was in Dauntless…..

Don't think about him. It hurts too much. Focus on being a good Abnegation girl.

I wish it was as easy as it sounded.


	16. Chapter 16

Tris PoV

It's been one month since I have seen Tobias. One month since he left for Dauntless and escaped his monster of a father. One month of lonely nights spent crying in the training room. One month of fending off Marcus.

I had to survive eleven more months of this.

I get to see him today, or at least I hope I can. It's visiting day today, when the initiate's family are allowed to see their child one last time. I skipped school, and instead jumped on a train that was heading towards Dauntless. I am planning to act like Tobias' adopted sister, that Marcus took me in from the factionless right after Tobias left and that he was letting me visit him today. Hopefully they will buy it without too many questions.

After jumping off the train and getting lost quite a few times, I finally found where I was supposed to go. I got in line with a bunch of other people. Some where in blue, and others in white and black. I felt slightly awkward with my oversized grey robes, but they let me hide with the shadows which I am thankful for.

Eventually it was my turn in line.

"Name?" A Dauntless woman asked in a monotone voice. She was obviously only doing this because she had too.

"Er, Sarah Lovelace."

"Who are you here to see?"

"Tobias Eaton?"

"Tobias… Oh! You mean Four. What's your relation to him?" She looked at me curiously.

"Uh, adopted sister."

"I see. Alright, go ahead. Remember, Faction before blood." I nodded to her, and went into the next room.

The room was a huge pit, filled with people dressed in black clothing. Everyone was talking, so I could barely hear anything. I tried to look around for someone who would look like Toby, or as I guess they called him here 'Four'. It was almost impossible though, black people were everywhere and I was so short so I couldn't see anyone's faces.

"Bea!" An all too familiar voice calls from behind me.I spin around, scanning the crowd to find the person that the voice matched.

I saw him.

For the first time in a month, I saw him. I ran up to him and jumped into his open arms. He smelled different. He smelt like metal, and clean soap. I loved it.

"I missed you so much." He whispered in my ear. I smiled.

"You have no idea." I look around, and quickly get out of his arms. His face dropped. "Look, I'm pretending to be your adopted sister, so act surprised to see me okay? Is there anywhere we can go to be alone?" He nodded.

"What the hell? Who are you?" He said loudly, causing me to jump. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm-I'm your adopted sister. Your dad took me in after you left him." Tobias scoffed at the word dad.

"Follow me." He grabbed my hand and dragged me through the crowd, swerving around everyone. After going through many dark hallways, we eventually reached a stone pathway, which stood above a raging river of sorts. "It's called the Chasm, and is extremely dangerous, but I know a good place for us to talk. Not many people know about it. " I nod, and he leads me down a path and we end up on a rock of sorts. Water rushes past it, and occasionally a light wave washes up against it causing a light mist.

"My friend Zeke showed me this place. No one comes down here, so it's sort of our hang out spot when we want to be alone." I smile, and turn towards him. He is sitting next to me on the rock, looking into the water. I take this time to observe him. He has obviously been eating better, and his muscles are extremely obvious under his tight black shirt. His hair had grown longer, and I longed to run my fingers through it.

"You look… different." I say at last. I obviously startled him, as I see him jump slightly. He grins, and finally looks at me.

"Yeah, it's amazing what a few good meals and normal fitting clothes can do for someone." I smile.

"So you are fitting in well?" Toby laughs.

"You sound like a concerned parent Bea. Yes, I'm doing great. It's you I am worried about." I blush, and look down. Toby puts his arm around my shoulders.

"I am doing fine. Nothing has changed much. School is the same, and Abnegation is as boring as ever."

"And Marcus? Has he gotten onto you yet?" I tense, and I guess he can tell because his eyes fill with concern.

"No, not exactly." He lets out a breath. I wish I didn't worry him so much, though I know he won't stop worrying until I come and join him in a year. "He has tried to get me to come to his house though. A lot. I've managed to avoid him so far, but I can't keep doing it forever." The concern in his eyes doesn't go away, and I sigh. I should have just said everything was fine. I shouldn't have gone and stressed him out like that.

"Bea, you have to keep avoiding him…. If he hurts you…." I put my hand on his arm to calm him down.

"I'll be fine, Tobias. Didn't I promise you that? I don't break my promises, especially ones this important. Okay?" He takes a deep breath and nods.

"Okay." A small smile curves up on my lips.

"Now what is this Four business all about?" I try and change the subject, and it works. Toby lets out a large laugh.

"When I first entered Dauntless, they put us through a Fear Landscape. Fear Landscapes are all of your fears mushed together in a huge obstacle course of sorts. Most people have ten to fifteen, but I had Four. So my instructor, Amar, nicknamed me Four. I wanted to leave Tobias behind in Abnegation, so I just let everyone call me that instead." I understand why he would would want to change his name, to escape Marcus completely.

"So, do you want me to call you Four?"

"No, it's nice to hear my name again. Just not in front of other people, okay?" I nod, and smile. For a moment, we just stare at each other. Taking in every detail, and committing them to memory. Before I know it, my lips are pressed onto his. My hands run through his hair, like I wanted to do so bad earlier. His hands run up and down my sides, sending shivers to run through my body. I had missed this. I had missed the electric sparks that flew through my body every time our skin made contact. I had missed the sweet taste of his mouth on mine. All too soon we were interrupted by a wolf whistle. Four broke away, gasping for air.

"Zeke." He muttered. "I am going to kill him." He looked at me with apologetic eyes. "Sorry." I shrugged, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"Nothing to be sorry about."

"Hey Four!" A boy around Toby's age comes down to where we are sitting. He looks at Toby, and then at me. "Ah, you must be the famous Tris I have heard all about." I raise my eyebrows and look at Toby who is currently glaring at Zeke.

"Famous?"

"Oh yes, Four over here hasn't shut up about you ever since we met." I blush. Has he really been talking about me that much?

"Shut up Zeke before I kill you." Four interrupts him.

"You wouldn't kill me. You like me too much." Zeke retorts, a smirk plastered on his face.

"Don't get too cocky. I could always get Uriah to put some hot sauce in your coffee tomorrow morning." Toby was smiling now, and I was too. It was good to see he was making friends, and not being the awkward Abnegation kid that I knew. Zeke puts his hands up in surrender.

"Okay! I guess I'll leave now, before you kill me in my sleep." And with that he leaves. Tobias turns to me.

"Sorry about that. He-"

"Shh, I don't mind. Let's just use the rest of our time wisely. Tell me about your training. What should I focus on? What should I do when it's my turn in initiation? Tips on the fear landscape?" I had so many questions and so little time. I needed to get going, or mom would get suspicious.

"Training here is mostly what we did at Abnegation, just with better materials and longer. Just keep on doing what we did as much as you can. And when you get here, don't show all your strength at once. They will get suspicious. Just show enough so that you will be slightly better than the others. As for the fear landscape, try and calm your heartbeat or face the fear head on I-" He stops abruptly

"What?"

"Nothing. It's not important. I forget what I was going to say." I roll my eyes.

"I'm not dumb, Toby. Tell me, I'm not going to make fun of you or anything." He sighs.

"I was going to say that it helped me to think of you during my fear landscape. It helped calm me down if I thought of you talking me through it. So maybe it would help you think of me…" He sighs. "Nevermind. It sounds stupid." I place my hand on his knee.

"No it doesn't it makes complete sense." I grimace. "As much as I hate to say this, I should get going. I need to get back home by the time I would normally from school." I begin to stand up, but Toby grabs my hand.

"Wait. I have something for you." I raise my eyebrow at him, but sit down. What did he get me?

He pulls out a black box, and hands it to me. I open it, and gasp when I look inside. Inside is a silver necklace. A silver heart with the words Forever + Always engraved into it lays on a plush pillow. It's connected to a thin silver chain, which I find to be quite long as I lift it out of the looks at me nervously.

"Do you like it? It's a promise necklace. I know that you are worried that I am going to leave you while I am here at Dauntless and you are in Abnegation. So I got you this. Normally it's suppose to be a ring, but I thought a necklace would be better because you can wear it under your dress in Abnegation. That's why I made the chain longer than normal. And then when you get to Dauntless, you can move the clasp so it is higher on your neck." I pull the necklace out of the box, and gape at it. The heart is cold and smooth. It's small, but not too small. It's perfect.

"This must have cost you a fortune Tobias. And you don't even have a job yet!" He smiled.

"One advantage of being brought of Abnegation is that you value everything you have. Unlike everyone else, I saved my point allowance that I have gotten each week. I wanted to get you something to remember me by for the next few months."

"You didn't have to do this Tobias. Just seeing you was enough."

"I know, but I wanted to. Here, do you want me to help you put it on?" I nodded, and gave him the necklace. He unclasped it, then hung it around my neck and reconnected the clasp and the chain so that it hung low. I took it and put it underneath my dress and turned around. Tobias and I stared at each other, and then we were kissing again. The kiss wasn't like before. We kissed as if we were never going to kiss again. Love and passion coursed through my body, along with sadness. We pulled away for air, though if I could have I would have kissed him for hours.

"I love you Bea. Don't forget it, okay?" I nod. "Are you still coming to the training room every night?"

"Yeah, why?" He nods.

"Good. I'll be there in two months, once my initiation is over. Wait for me, okay?" I nod. "I love you"

"I love you too Toby."

After Tobias and I's long emotional goodbye, I had managed to catch a train home. I should get there just in time. So nothing but me missing school will be suspicious. I bet I could forge a note or something saying that I was sick for tomorrow. The heart charm felt cool against my chest, and I closed my eyes to remember the events that had just taken place. I would get to see him in two months. That wasn't too bad. I just had to focus on schoolwork and volunteering. Then the next eleven months will fly by. Who am I kidding. Those eleven months will still be torture.

As the train nears Abnegation, I jump off. Unbalanced, I land on my butt. I quickly stand up, and my stomach sinks when I see who was waiting for me.

"I am glad you made it back from Dauntless unharmed Beatrice."

Marcus.


	17. Chapter 17

Tris POV

I was speechless. I didn't even think about Marcus.

"Hello Marcus." As soon as the words escape my mouth pain sears through my cheek as Marcus slaps me.

"Cut the crap Beatrice. What were you doing on that train?"

"I-I was," What was I supposed to say? Any excuse I could give would just dig me a deeper hole. "I was visiting Tobias in Dauntless." This was obviously the answer he wanted, as Marcus smiles slightly. His eyes glint with something dangerous, as if he were enjoying my pain. A shiver goes up my spine when I think about how Tobias saw that glint every night.

"And why might you visit Tobias, Beatrice?" I wipe my sweaty hands on my dress and gulp. I was in deep trouble.

"I guess I wanted to make sure he was okay." I hate how weak and vulnerable my voice sounds. Marcus glares at me.

"So you skipped school, almost caused your father a panic attack, and disobeyed faction rules by visiting another faction just to make sure Tobias was okay?" I hung my head.

"Yes sir. I'm sorry sir." Before I know it, I am being pushed to the ground. I fall with a grunt.

"Don't lie to me," Marcus hissed, pressing his foot to my chest. "I know why you visited him, so don't waste your breath lying. Now get up. Andrew is out of his mind with worry." I push myself up, and follow Marcus along the familiar path that lead to my house. I was so stupid for thinking I could escape Marcus with all the sneaking around I was doing.

Once we reach my house, Marcus turns to me.

"I won't tell your father about your relationship with my good for nothing son. You can tell him. As for your punishment, I am going to pull you from school for the next year." Well that wasn't too bad. Which was the problem. He must have something up his sleeve. "I will discuss what your other punishment will be with your father." I nod. I try and put up a calm demeanor, which is almost impossible when my insides are screaming in terror.

Marcus walks inside, and I follow. Inside my Dad is pacing, muttering things under his breath. When he hears us walk in he looks over at us, and when he sees me he comes and gives me a tight hug.

"Thank you Marcus, thank you." He stood up again, and looked Marcus in the eye. He worked with him every day for the past ten years, how does he not know what kind of monster he is?

Maybe he does a small voice whispers in my head and he just hides it to keep Marcus' popularity. No, he wouldn't do that. Would he?

I am starting to learn that people aren't just what they look like on the outside. Everyone has their own dark hidden secrets. And that even those who look calm and collected on the outside, can have a raging war of emotions on the inside.

"Where did you find her?" My dad asks. I wince, knowing what is coming. I hang my head, despite not feeling sorry for anything.

"By the train tracks. She says she was visiting Tobias in Dauntless, to make sure he was okay." My dad scoffs, and I can see the anger rise in his face.

"Andrew, how about we speak about this in the kitchen." Dad nods, and lets out a deep breath.

"I'll make some tea." Marcus smiles slightly. As my dad goes into the kitchen, Marcus turns to me before following him.

"Don't move, or there will be consequences." I nod slightly. I sit down on the stairs, and fiddle with my necklace. It was beautiful. I hear footsteps, and quickly hide the necklace undeerneath my obes as Marcus and my dad come back.

"Beatrice, I am extremely disappointed in your behavior today." I hang my head as my father scolds me. "I believe Marcus has already told you your punishment?"

"Yes father." I mumble.

"And since you will have so much extra time on your hands, Marcus and I have decided it would be best that you spend it at his house. You are to go over in the morning and help clean while he is gone. Then when you comes home you two can have dinner together, and you can return back home if you wish." My stomach sinks. Toby's worst fears were coming true. "Do you understand?" I nod.

"Yes father." He nods back and says goodbye to Marcus. Once he leaves my dad turns to me. His face is filled with anger, but I don't shrink back. Stay strong for Toby, stay strong for him.

"Do you have any idea what you put me through today?!" He yells. I flinch. My father is never angry, or at least never shows it. "You are stupid! If Marcus hadn't been so understanding I could have been fired! SELFISH!" I stare at my dad, shocked. He had never acted like this before.

"Go to your room for the rest of the night. I don't want to see you. I'll tell your mother and brother what happened, you can answer to them later." I give him a slight nod, before walking quietly to my room. I sit on my bed, and try to slow my rapidly beating heart. It hadn't sunk in yet. I was going to have to spend the next 11 months in Marcus' house. I would have to be friendly to him on a daily basis. My hand goes automatically to my necklace. I would have to hide it well from Marcus. Otherwise my already awful predicament could worsen.

Two months.

Then what? What would I tell Toby? He knows when I lie, just like I can tell when he lies. If I tell him about Marcus… it would destroy him. I couldn't do that to him. Not until I transfer.

How would I train? I will have to do it during the day when Marcus is gone. I guess I will have to clean the house super quick, then hopefully I can sneak over to the training center without being noticed for a few hours. A feeling of dread sinks in my stomach and expands until every part of my body is filled with it.

Stay strong, for Tobias. You will be fine. It's just a year. Tobias survived Marcus for ten years. Don't be a coward.

I lay my head on my pillow, and hold back the tears that threaten to fall. I already miss him. But he is so happy in Dauntless...which is good. I am glad for him. He deserves it.I just have to survive the next eleven months and I can join him.

Slowly I fall asleep, my cheeks wet from tears and my heart full of longing.


	18. Chapter 18

Tris POV

Nine months. Nine months until I abandon my family to transfer to Dauntless.

I get to see Tobias tonight.

It will be risky to leave at night like I use to, but he is worth the risk. I'm still not sure how I am going to hide that I am living with Marcus. I'm hoping he won't ask, but knowing him it's probably going to be one of the first things he asks me.

The necklace he gave me has helped a lot. I always wear it, though it would be safer to hide it in the training room where Marcus can't find it. The stone is smooth, and i find myself rubbing it whenever I am alone. It helps calm me down, and helps make the unbearabe pain of missing him bearable.

It helps me through the beatings.

The inevitable heatings started a week after I began living with Marcus. At first I fought back, beating back his insults with more insults. It just made him angrier, and as much as I hated to I stopped. I haven't gone home much. And when I have, no one is really home. It's easier to just sleep in Toby's room.

I strain the peas that I am making and divide them onto two plates. I make sure Marcus gets the larger portion though. I hear the door open just as I place our plates on the table.

"Hello Marcus." I greet him politely, bowing my head as a sign of greeting. Marcus sets his briefcase down, then sits at the table.

"Hello Beatrice." I sit down on the opposite side of him.

"How was work?" I wait for him to take a bite before I do, just as he has told me too. As much as I hate being so obedient, I can't afford to make him mad tonight.

"It went well, thank you for asking." We fell into an uncomfortable silence. I ate my unseasoned chicken. I feel Marcus' gaze on me, almost as if he were staring into my soul. I try to act as if it doesn't bother me, but I can't help but fidget in my seat. I think of Tobias' face, and try to ignore Marcus. I think about how good it will be to see him in just a few hours….

"Beatrice?" My head snaps up. I must have zoned out too much.

"Yes?"

"You must start paying attention more." His eyes blaze, and I know that isn't good. "Please take our plates and clean them. I have a little paperwork that must be done by tomorrow. I'll meet you in your room in a bit." I nod, and take our plates to the sink. I wash our plates and silverware, while mentally scolding myself for not paying attention. All of a sudden, I feel a hand wrap around my neck. I freeze in shock. Marcus pulls off my necklace, snapping the clasp in the process.

"Oh Beatrice, I thought I had taught you better than this." He gestured at the necklace. "Did he give this to you? Did he tell you to wear it? What does it say, Forever and Always?" Tears burn in my eyes as I look at the necklace that is now in Marcus' hand. I knew I should have hidden it.

"He didn't make me wear anything." I snap without thinking. Marcus smiles.

"Of course he didn't. Because you are stupid enough to love him, and so you disobey all faction rules to follow him like a stupid lovesick puppy." He scoffs. "Go to your room, I'll deal with you later." I rush upstairs before he can see the tears streaming down my face.

I was selfish. I knew I shouldn't have worn that necklace, especially with Marcus watching me like a hawk. I should have left it in the training room, and I could have worn it during the day when Marcus wasn't home. Now he was going to punish me. And that meant I wouldn't be able to see Tobias. He is going to think I abandoned him. And I won't be able to give him an explanation until I transfer to Dauntless in a few months. This is a disaster.

"I thought we were getting somewhere Beatrice." Marcus hisses. His belt drags on the floor. "This is for your own good." Before I can react, I am pushed to the floor. I slowly pull my shirt up. I hear the belt whip in the air before it lands on my back. I put my knuckles in my mouth to keep myself from screaming. Marcus continues non-stop. The pain makes me dizzy, but I push myself to stay awake for Tobias. But it soon becomes too much, and I let the tempting relief of unconsciousness consume me.


	19. Chapter 19

Tris POV

4 months. 4months until I get see Toby and the suffocation of Abnegation. Each day the longing and grief grows stronger. Training helps. It gives me something to do, something to set goals for. Anything that keeps my hands busy and my brain focused helpls. Sometimes, when training is over and all of the cleaning is done I like to sit and draw. I never keep the pictures, in fear that anyone will see them. Instead, I rip them into shreds in the training room. It's safer that way.

I take my last bite of oatmeal. I need to steal back my necklace before I go to Dauntless. Taking it the night before the choosing ceremony would probably be the best bet, but Marcus is probably expecting that. I need to take it sooner. I want to take it sooner. I get up and wash my dishes. I'll steal it today. Right now, while Marcus is away at work and hide it in the training rom. I mean, the worst that could happen- actually, I don't want to think about the worst that could happen. After putting away my dishes I head upstairs and into Marcus' room. Even though no one is home, I still feel uneasy in here. Determined to get out as soon as I can, I look around for possible hiding places. I look everywhere, his desk drawers, his closet, even underneath his bed. It isn't anywhere. Then I decided to look in the bathroom drawers. I open the top one to find it empty, then the middle one which normally holds his razor and hair cutting stuff. Then I see it, hiding in the corner of the drawer. Gently I pull it out of the drawer. I hold the cold but familiar stone in my hand and cloe my eyes. If I try hard enough I can put myself back in that chasm on the rock with Toby. Only 4 more months until that can become a reality.

Leaving during the day to train is harder then leaving at night. I have to walk along all of the backroads, while staying alert for a factionless, or worse, and Abnegation member. Thankfully, I reach the training room without bumping into anyone. I open the door and watch the lights flicker on. The air smells like the familiar scent of sweat and metal. I walk inside and look around, figuring out where to hide my necklace. I notice something on the fighting mat, and walk closer to see what it is. It's a note. From... Toby? I pick it up and read it.

Dear my sweet Bea,

I miss you so much. I hope you are doing well in Abnegation

I am going to be here in one night and if you want we can meet up

And train together. I can also tell you more about Dauntless now

that I have made it through intitiation. I love you.

Stay brave,

Toby 3

Stay brave. My hand subconsciously fiddles with my necklace. He has no idea how much I need that encouragment. How much I need him to tell me tht in person. But he can't know. Nom noit until I see him in Dauntless. If I see him agsin, it'l just remind me too much of my broken promise. But I need to see him. And I know he needs to see me too.

One night.

As long as Marcus doesn't find out about my necklace-which he won't-then I'll get to see him tonight. So soon. Not four months, but tonight. Filled with new motivation, I put my necklace in the supply cabinet and start training.

After a good two hours of training, I decide I have had enough and start my cool down. Then, after taking special care to rip up Toby's note in the trash, I walk back to Marcus' house. I still need to take a shower, make myself lunch, clean the house, and then make dinner before Marcus comes home at 6. For the first time since I saaw Toby on Visitors day, my heart feels light. Marcus no longer had my necklace, and I was going to see Toby tonight. It was almost too good to be true. AS soon as I got back to Marcus' house I immediately got to work. I took a quick shower and ate some lunch. Then I did laundry, cleaned the floors, dusted, and did all of the dishes. By then Marcus was due home in thirty minutes, so I start dinner and thankfully I finish just as he gets back. I quickly set the table, and then rush to greet him as soon as I hear the door open.

"Hello Beatrice." Marcus says. I bow my head in greeting, taking his coat and bag from him and placing them where they belong.

"Good evening Marcus. How was work?"

"It was very stressful." That is never good. "Thank you for making dinner Beatrice."

"I was happy to help. You must be exhausted, please, sit down." Marcus complied, and sat down in his normal seat. I sat across from him as always and waited for him to begin eating. Marcus always had me to everything after him, probably to show that I am inferior to him. WE eat dinner in a stiff silence, like we do most nights. Afain, I'm not allowed to speak unless he speak to me first. Many nights he doesn't speak, leaving me to the whirlwind of thoughts in my mind. I always have to be careful not to get too laughts in my thoughts, otherwise Marcus mak ask me something and I won't ear. The punishment for that is awful. Once we both finish our dinner, I take up our plates and wash them while Marcus oes upstairs to do who knows what. After pitting our dishes away, I wipe the table and countertops, then sweep the floors. Just as I finish I hear heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. I stand stiff as a board. Marcus never comes back downstairs at night. Worse case scenarios begin to spring into my mind. Normally I would just head to my room (which used to be Toby's) after cleaning and stay there until morning. Occasionally I go over to my house and sleep in my actual bedroom, but Marcus beats me enough that I rarely ever have no bruises that would lead them to suspect anything. Not that I would mind them finding out. But that would make Marcus mad, and when Marcus is mad bad things happen.

Like now.

Maybe he found out about the necklace. Oh please Marcus, please don't have opened that drawer. If he has found out, I am doomed. And I won't get to see Toby tonight.

"Looks like you have been busy while I have been gone." Marcus says. The glint is back in his eyes. The same glint that was there when he caught me on that train. The glint that means I am in for a painful night. "Care to tell me about your adventures while I was away?"

Before I can stop myself, I let out a sarcastic response. "Sure. Once upon a morning I woke up in a strange, mysterious bedroom. Desperate to find food, I went downstairs and had a breakfast of bland disgusting oatmeal. Then-" Marcus cut me off by slapping me.

"Shut up you stupid bitch. You know what I am talking about." Marcus growls.

"Ohhh, you want to know about Beatrice the Great. That story is even more great. By which I mean suffocatingly boring." Without warning I'm pushed onto a wall, Marcus hold my neck as if he were to choke me. Not tight enough to actually choke me, but tight enough to get me to shut up.

He's done this before.

The thought disgusts me, especially knowing who he has done it to.

"I'm talking about the necklace stupid. Where did you hide it?" Marcus says, his teeth clenched. I smirk.

"Somewhere you will never find it." I say. Then I do something no one has ever done before. I spit in Marcus Eaton's face. "Take that you bastard." I'm not going down with a whisper, but with a bang. Like Toby would want me to.

Marcus narrows his eyes. "You asked for it bitch. You need to be taught a lesson. With that he knees me in the gut. I collapse on the ground in agony, where he continues to kick me in the stomach. I bite my lip to try and not scream.

"I am going to ask you one more time. Where is that necklace?" Marcus spits each word at me, fire burning in his eyes.

"Like I said before, a place where you will never find it." I say, my teeth clenched in pain. I brace myself for another hit, but it never comes. I hear a knock at the door, and Marcus stiffens.

"Get up and go upstairs. If you make a single sound I will jurt you more then you could imagine." Dazed, I nod and painfully push myself up. I walk upstairs as fast as I can and sit at the top to listen. "Hello Andrew." Marcus freets mt father as he opens the door.

"Good evening Marcus. Where is Beatrice? I would like to talk with her." Why does he want to talk with me? I haven't seen him, or any of my family, for weeks. TO be honest, I had thought they had given up and forgotten me.

"I sent her out on an errand a few minutes ago. She shouldn't be back for a while. How are you doing Andrew? Why don't you come inside?" Marcus quickly changes the topic. Smart.

"I am fine. I was coming over for Beatrice. None of my family has seen her in weks, and she isn't going to school anymore. Is shy alright?" So they haven't forgotten about me. They are just blindly following Marcus.

"Beatrice is well. She had the flu a week ago and is still recovering-"

"So you send her out oin a long errand? No wonder he hasn't recovered! You aren't giving her a break!" My dad defends me, interrupting Marcus in the process. I'm surprised. No one ever dares to interrupt Marcus. "Marcus, I agree she needed to learn her leasson, but her punishment wasn't seperation from society. She was to help you for a few hours a day then return home for dinner and family time. That hasn't happened once." My father pauses, as if he was reconsidering what he was about to say. My heart inflated, they were worried about me. Maybe I could escape this hell hole soon. "I am revoking Beatrice's punishment."

"Andrew-"

"No. She is my child. She can finish her punishment by helping Natalie with the factionless. I want her home by the end of the weekend."

"Please, Andrew, reconsider. I don't believe she has-"

"Been beaten enough? Been used enough for your selfish desires? I won't pretend I don't know what happens under this roof. It's happened for too long, and I have stood by for too long. If Beatrice isn't home by the end of the weekend I will personally confirm Erudite's rumors." I'm shocked. He has known all this time? Part of me is thankful that he is finally taking a stand, and part of my is dissapointed he hasn't done it sooner. Tobias wouldn't have had to go through so much pain.

"You wouldn't." Marcus growls.

"I would. Good night Marcus." The door slams shut, and I scramble into Tobias' old rom. I hear Marcus walk up the stairs, and my whole body tenses as her enters the room.

"YOU BITCH!." Marcus yells, and I cower backwards. "You told him didn't you? Tell the truth!"

"What-What are you talking about?" I pretend that I didn't hear the conversation downstairs, though I know I can't fool him.

"You know what I'm talking about. What did you tell him?!"

"No-nothing sir!" I protest, but Marcus isn't buying it. He tsks at me.

"You aren't learning your lessons Beatrice." Marcus Hisses. "All I'm trying to do is help you." I scopp and wince when he slas me. Marcus begins to unbuckle his belt, and I cower back preparing myself for a long painful night.

After what feels like hours of pain and torture, Marcus finally stops and throws me in the closet. My naked body is covered in blood and tears as I curl into a ball in the closet. I slowly fall asleep, eager to escape the unbearable pain. Before I fall into the abuss of sleep a terrible thought crosses my mind, cause me to sob hard. Tobias was going to think I abandoned him.

Tobias POV

The late night air rushes through my hair as the train I am on rushes past Dauntless. A rare smile fills my face. I am going to see Tris for the first time in months. My mind spins a million miles an hour, and butterflies fill my stomach. What if she isn't there? What if she decides I'm not worth the risk? SHe wouldn't do that, would she? She could have been busy last time, or was in a situation where she couldn't come. She wouldn't purposely miss a chance to see me. Would she?

Or Marcus could have her, and she could be locked in the closet every time you visit. A shudder runs down my spine when this thought crosses my mind. Marcus couldn't have Tris. She was too smart for that. I try and convince myself it's not a possibility, yet I know it's quite likely.

Fear,anxiety, joy, and anticipation all fill my stomach as I jump off of the train. Once I reach the training room, I hesitate before opening the door. All of the quiptment is clean, and there isn't a speck of dust anywhere so Tris still trains. The air smells just like the Dauntless training room, of sweat and metal. I had come to enjoy the scent, it's familiarity slightly soothing my nerves.

I looked around, but didn't see Tris. Maybe she was late. But as the hours ticked by and 2 am passed, I knew she wasn't coming. I should have guessed this would have happened. It was silly of me to hope she would still come. After she didn't come last time, I should have taken the hint. She wasn't interested anymore.

Why? I thought she lovefd my. I thought-no knew-I loved her. Tears fill my eyes and I fall against the wall and onto the ground. Was she still coming to Dauntless? And if so, would she just ignore me? I don't think I would be able to handle that. It would be too painful. Pull yourself together Tobias. I tell myself This is stupid. I slightly nod to myself, and then making sure to wash all emotion out of my face, I jump on the next train to Dauntless.

I live the next four months as if nothing was wrong. I hang out with Zeke and his friends. Work in the control room. Prepare for the upcoming initiates. I had become well practiced in hiding emotions in Abnegation, and now my skills were being used. Inside my heart was broken, and only one person could fix it. Tris.


	20. Chapter 20

Tris PoV

I wake up slightly dazed. I slowly get out of my Abnegation bed and get dressed in my normal grey dress and oversized pants. It doesn't register what today is until I am half way down the stairs.

It's choosing day.

Despite my confusing results, I know exactly what faction I'm choosing. I've known since I was 13, and have trained for this moment ever since. I'm going to Dauntless today. More importantly, I am going to see Toby today. Just the thought of seeing him fills my stomach with butterflies. Heat floods my body, and I have to take a moment to make it go away and to make my smile disappear.

Then I go downstairs and eat the plain Abnegation breakfast for the last time. It feels so good to be back with them, but it will feel even better when I get to be back with Toby. How will he react when he sees me? Does he think I abandoned him? Will he just ignore me? The thought of either of those happening sends a sliver of ice through my heart. He wouldn't do that. He promised me he would wait for me.

After breakfast I walk to the ceremony with my family. We walk in the proper, Abnegation way with Caleb next my dad and me next to my mom who is next to my dad. We walk into the hub, and after walking up the long flight of stairs I join the outer circle of students with Caleb. I watch as our parents pick out a seat and sit down together. A sharp pain stabs my heart when I realize how they will react when I transfer.

Soon the leader of Erudite, Jeanine, begins speaking. I tune her out, having heard the faction meanings and history enough times to have it memorized. Soon enough, Jeanine calls out the first name. And then another. And then another. And then the first transfer comes.

I watch as the person goes and sits with his new faction. His parents are sobbing, and have to be escorted away as to not disturb the ceremony. I can't help but think, will that be my parents? No, they are too selfless to cry and disturb the ceremony. Plus they will have Caleb, the perfect Abnegation child. I'm just relieving a burden by leaving. At least, that's what I tell myself.

Then it's Caleb's turn. I watch as he walks up to the 5 bowls, and carefully cut his palm. I see him flinch with the pain. He looks between the Abnegation and the Erudite bowls, before finally placing his hand over the clear glass that stands for Erudite and letting his blood drip onto it. A loud gasp is heard from all around the room. Abnegation never transfer, let alone Caleb. The perfect, selfless Abnegation child.

Before I can register anything, my turn comes. I shakily walk up to the 5 bowls, each holding a faction's symbol. I take the knife that lays on the table, and cut my palm. I'm used to the pain, and don't wince. I let blood gather on my palm and close my eyes. Breathing in, I put my hand over Dauntless, and let it out as I turn it over.

The blood drips on the coals, and the sizzling can be heard all through the room. No one makes a sound. I'm only the second Abnegation to Dauntless transfer in the past century. I smile at the man who offers me a bandage for my cut and carefully stick it on. I walk towards the Dauntless, who are cheering as loud as ever. Smiling, I sit down in a random seat among them. I did it. I made it into Dauntless.

Tobias POV

Two years ago today I stood in front of the 5 bowls that would determine my destiny. Of course, I knew exactly what I would choose, but that didn't stop me from being just as nervous as everyone else choosing. I was just nervous for completely different reasons.

I stand at the net, waiting for the first transfer to drop down. I couldn't go to the ceremony. I couldn't watch Bea choose, watch her choose something other than Dauntless. It would have just broken me more than I already am. Maybe she chose Abnegation. Or maybe Erudite. She is definitely smart enough to make it.

I miss her. I miss her smile, and her hair, and how she can always make me smile. I miss seeing her gorgeous grey-blue eyes. Maybe, just maybe, she will choose Dauntless. At least then I could train her, as hard as it would be. I could still keep her eyes in my life (*cough* Hamilton *cough*).

I'm brought out of my thoughts when I hear Eric yelling at the initiates above the net. I pay attention to the net, waiting for the first jumper. No doubt it will be a dauntless born, probably Uriah, but still. The first jumper is a big deal, especially if it's a transfer.

Then I hear it, the gentle whoosh of the first jumper. I see a grey blur fall down, and my mind doesn't comprehend what it means until I hear it. Tris' laugh. She just jumped down a 10 story high building and is laughing. Butterflies flutter in my stomach, and I pull the net for her. She slides down to me, and I give her my hand to help her jump down.

"Name?"

"B-" She hesitates.

"Think about it." I say, a small smile on my face. "You don't get to pick again." She nods slightly.

"Tris. My name is Tris." I have to keep myself from smiling too big. I made that nickname

"Tris..." Lauren says behind me. "Make the announcement Four." I look into Bea's eyes. I wonder if she recognizes me? I'm not sure if I want her to, not yet. It would just make initiation even harder for her.

"First Jumper! Tris!" I reluctantly let go of her hand. "Welcome to Dauntless."


	21. Chapter 21

Tris POV

Tobias. As soon as I jump into the net I see him. My heart starts beating faster, and my breath quickens. I hadn't seen him in months.

"Name?" His voice wakes me from my thoughts, causing me to stutter.

"B-" I pause. Beatrice doesn't fit me anymore. It's too long and formal.

"Think about it, you don't get to pick again." His voice is calm, but firm. It sends shivers down my spine. I clear my throat.

"Tris." I state, trying to match his tone.

"Tris…. Make the announcement four." A girl in the midst of the crowd of black yells. Tobias, or Four, smirks.

"First Jumper, Tris!" Cheers break out among the Dauntless as I hear the scream of the next jumper echo off of the walls. "Welcome to Dauntless Tris." Four says, gently pushing my back towards the group of people. I smile, and head into what I hope to be my new faction.

After our tour of the place I head down to dinner / with Christina. The only two seats next to each other are besides Four. I point to them, "let's go there, there is no where else to sit." Christina's eyes widen.

"You want to sit next to Four? He is terrifying!" I chuckle.

"No he isn't. Here, I'll sit next to him if you are so scared." It looked as if a weight had been lifted off her chest as we walked towards the seats. To be honest, it was a dream to get the chance to sit next to Toby. I hadn't been able to do that in months.

"Er, hi. Do you mind if I sit here?" I ask, trying to play the initiate role. Toby nods, then goes back to his dinner without a word. "So much for a warm greeting." I mutter. If he hears me, his face doesn't show it. I sit down with Christina and wince in pain. Ever since that night things hadn't felt right down there. I would have to get that checked out soon.

"Told you." Christina whispered. I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up."

"Ooo! You're feisty for a stiff, where did you learn shut up from?"

"Don't call me a stiff ever again, or I swear you will have a broken nose before you can say Dauntless." I growl, fists clenched. I had been called stiff enough at school, I didn't need that to catch on here. Christina's eyes widened, and she nodded.

"Ok, sheesh. Chill tiger." I raise my eyebrows.

"Tiger?"

"Tigers, a very large solitary cat with a yellow-brown coat striped with black that are extremely rare." I boy across from me automatically replies.

"What textbook did you swallow?" Christina asks, and I laugh.

"It's called actually paying attention in History class." The boy says. "I'm Will by the way."

"Christina, and this is Tris." I blush as she introduces me, still not used to attention. I'm going to have to work on that. I poke the brown patty like thing in the middle of the table.

"What's this?"

"Hamburger." Four grunts. "Here, put this on it it's called ketchup." I jump, forgetting that I ws sitting next to him.

"Thanks." I say simply, taking the red sauce.

"Have you never seen a hamburger before?" Christina asks, bewildered. I notice that she has already eaten hers, and is now eating strange yellow looking things.

"No, I've seen one. Just not eaten one." Christina sighs. /

"Girl, we are going to have to seriously change some things." I hear Tobias snort next to me, and I gently kick his foot. I take a bite of my hamburger, and moan.

"This is so good." I say through a mouthful of food. Christina and Will laugh, and I can feel Tobias shake with laughter next to me. "What are these?" I say, picking up a strange stick thing. Christina smiles.

"That, my friend, is a french fry." She nods towards the ketchup. "You can dip them in there, but honestly I like them without ketchup." I dip it in the ketchup and take a bite.

"I could get used to this." I mumble. Tobias gently chuckles and whispers so that only I can hear.

"It gets better, wait until dessert." I finish up my hamburger and fries, and then wait for Christina to go up and get us dessert. She comes back with multiple plates of some brown thing that I recognize as cake. Chocolate cake. My mouth starts to water. I only had chocolate once with Toby when I had managed to sneak it out of the factionless stores. I take a plate and dig in. The chocolate cake melts in my mouth, and it tastes magical. "I take it that I was right?" He whispers. I smile and nod.

"Can we meet sometime?" I whisper. Christina and Will are talking, not bothering to pay attention to Toby and me.

"I think I can sneak away sometime." Tobias whispers back. "How does tonight at midnight sound? Meet me by the chasm." I nod.

"Ok." We eat our cake silently for a moment. "I missed you." Tobias gave a small smile.

"Yeah, I missed you too.

A few hours later I'm stuck in the dorm, surrounded by sleeping bodies. I can hear Peter's snores from across the room, and Al's pitiful cries above me. I check the watch that came with my first Dauntless outfit. 11:45pm. I decide to leave now, giving myself extra time in case I got lost. Cautiously, I get out of my bed and leave the room. I don't bother to put shoes on, since I'm only walking to the chasm. Right before I leave though, Al sits up.

"Tris?" Al whispers, his voice strained. "Where are you going?"

"To get water." I whisper. He nods, and then places his head down. Hopefully he falls asleep before long, otherwise he might just come looking for me.

I take a deep breath of the crisp air outside of the dorm. It feels good to be alone. I slowly walk the path I remember taking towards the chasm. After a few wrong turns, I eventually just follow the sound of rushing water towards the chasm. I sit down on one of the paths, and wait for Tobias to come find me. Nerves begin to bubble in my stomach. What if he doesn't come? What if he hates me for never coming to our meetings?

A few minutes later, I hear footsteps running down the path and my heart quickens. I look down to see Tobias running towards me. A small smile grows on my lips as he nears. Before I know it I am being swept and twirled in the air. I laugh and all nervousness disappears. Tobias gently puts me down and I envelop him in a hug. He is a full head taller than me now, so his head rests gently on my shoulder. "I missed you." I mutter. "So, so much."

"You have no idea." Toby whispers in my hair. He pulls back. " I love you Bea."

"I love you too, Toby." He gently puts his hand on the back of my hand, and pulls his lips towards mine until there is no space left in between us. His rough lips press against mine, and I tangle my hands into his brown hair. He pushes me against the stone wall of the chasm and I start to panic. Memories of Marcus doing the exact same thing start to overtake me. Tobias notices and immediately stops. His hair is tousled, and his lips swollen.

"Oh my gosh Bea, did I go too far? I'm sorry I wasn't thinking. I-" I cut him off with a quick peck on the cheek. I've managed to calm down my heart and breathing. However, images and memories are still flowing through my brain. There goes my sleep for the night.

"It's, it's fine. I just-" My voice cracks, and I wince. I just what? Was raped by your dad who abused you for years? Can't even kiss my own boyfriend without having flashbacks? Tobias squats down so we are face to face.

"Hey, it's ok alright? Do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head. There is no way he can know. "Ok. You can tell me anything though, I promise. Nothing you can say can make me love you less." Oh how very wrong he was.

"Can we talk about something else?" I ask weakly. Tobias nods. "So what are some things I need to know for initiation?"

"Well first off, I'm your trainer. So you need to act scared of me, and like you hate me." I scoff.

"Easier said than done." I mutter, Tobias laughs.

"I know, it's going to be hard for me too." He tilts my chin up. I stare into his dark blue eyes. "But hey, once this is all over and you pass initiation, we get to be together whenever we want."

"What if I don't make it?" I whisper. "What if I'm cut?" I know I've trained, but I am going against Dauntless borns who have been training all of their lives.

To my surprise, Tobias laughs. "Bea, I would say that if anyone was garunteed to pass initiation it would be you. If anything, you are going to have to act like you don't know anything so you don't raise suspicion." Toby's words comfort me, and I nod.

"We have so much to catch up on, I have no clue where to start." I say, Toby nods.

"Well let's start with you. How was Abnegation?" I know what he is really asking, and I know I can't answer him truthfully. I shrug my shoulders.

"Fine. Normal, boring Abnegation. It was awful without you." Tobias narrowed his eyes.

"Is there any particular reason why you didn't go to school at all after visiting day?" I stiffen.

"How do you know that?"

"I asked Zeke's younger brother, Uriah, to find you at school. You two are the same age, so it wouldn't have been hard for him to spot you at lunch. But he could never find you." I flinch. How am I going to be able to get out of this one?

"Tris!" A voice called out. I spin around to find no other than Al running towards me. His eyes are bloodshot from crying.

"What are you doing initiate?" Toby's voice turns hard, and my blood runs cold. He sure is good at this scaring initiates thing.

"Tris said that she was getting water, and she didn't come back and I got worried so I came looking for her." Tobias glances at me, and I look around.

"Well hurry up you two. You need to be up early and it's late." WIth one last glance at me, he turns on his heel and walks away. I turn to Al.

"Thanks." He smiles.

"No problem. What were you doing here?" We start walking towards the dorms.

"I needed to clear my head so I took a walk and just so happened to bump into Four."

"He terrifies me." I nod my head, even though he doesn't. Might as well get used to pretending I hate Four. We reach the dorms and I give Al a light smile.

"Thanks again. Try and sleep well." He dips his head lightly.

"You too." It doesn't take much for me to fall asleep. Once I do, I dream of what Tobias and my life could be once initiation is over. And it's wonderful.


	22. Chapter 22

Tobias POV

Tight ropes bound me to a chair, stinging against my already raw skin. With a quick glance around I realize that I am back in Abnegation. Marcus stands in front of me, and from what I can see another person is in front of him. After a closer look, I realize the person is Tris. Her shirt is torn and bloody, and she is kneeling on the ground. I struggle against the ropes harder, but they just dig into my skin harder.

"This is for your own good Tobias." Marcus says, his teeth clenched.

"No! Don't hurt her! Hurt me instead, Tris did nothing wrong!" I shout. Marcus grins, and his eyes sparkle with an all too familiar hatred.

"Tris? Must be something you Dauntless hooligans made up." He says, and starts to unwrap his belt from where it was wrapped around his wrist. "You see, if I hurt her, I in turn hurt you. And I am sure little trissy over here would much rather take it then watch her dear old Tobias in pain, wouldn't she?" I hear a grunt, and grief fills my heart. Tris is in pain because of me. Before I can say another word, I hear the sharp crack of whip against skin. A pain filled cry fills the air, and my heart breaks.

"Stop! Please stop!" Marcus ignores my pleas and continues to whip Tris until her cries quiet and she collapses. Satisfied, Marcus walks off, not bothering to untie me. After a moment of shock, I quickly set to work at the ropes. I manage to wiggle my hands out of the ropes, and then untie my feet. All of the while I watch Tris slowly bleed.

After a few minutes I get myself out of the chair, and make my way over to Tris. Blood pools around her, and is mixed with my tears.

"Tris." I whisper. "Don't leave me, please don't leave me. I'll heal you, just hold on." My voice cracks. Her eyes open briefly.

"I can't make promises I can't keep." She mumbled hoarsely. "I love you Tobias." And then slowly I see the life drain from her eyes as I weep over her body.

I jolt awake, sweat trickling down my forehead. My fresh sheets were twisted and soaked in sweat. I sigh, I haven't had a nightmare that bad in months. It must be seeing Tris again. Glancing at my alarm clock, I run a hand through my hair. I still had an hour before I had to train initiates. I get up, and decide to go to the training room early. Might as well get my daily work out in. I throw on a shirt and some pants, then after lacing up my sneakers I jog down to the training room.

I walk in, and instead of it being empty like I expected I see a familiar figure standing at the punching bags. Images of Tris lying dead on the floor of my dream flash through my mind, but I push them back. That never will happen, I'll make sure of it.

I quietly walk up to her. Her golden blond hair swings back and forth in the ponytail she put it in. Sweat glistens on her skin. Her shoulder muscles have grown, and are obvious underneath her sheer, black sleeves. Though she has the strength, she still doesn't keep tension in her stomach. I place my hands there, and whisper in her ear.

"Remember to keep tension here." I whisper. I feel her jump, and she lets out a tiny shriek. Pulling back her hand, she slaps my shoulder. I wince.

"You scared me!" She hisses. "What are you even doing up? You surely don't start setting up for 8 am practice at 4 in the morning." I shrug.

"Couldn't sleep." I mumble. Her eyebrows contract. "Why are you up? You should still be sleeping, you must be exhausted."

"I'm fine. I figured out that since I wouldn't be able to exercise much during training since I have to bad, I might as well warm up now and get my work-out in now." I raise my eyebrows.

"Tris, you went to bed at 1 am, there is no way you willingly woke up at 4 to train early.: She shrugged.

"I wasn't tired, and couldn't sleep." It occurs to me that we are probably here for the same reason, and both of us have made the same excuse. I hold back a chuckle at how similar we are. I decide not to question her further, so I just nod.

"Do you mind if I join you?" I ask, silently praying she says yes. She smiles.

"Sure." She turns back to the punching back. Taking the hint that she doesn't want to talk, I head to my own punching bag. Tris looks up and smirks. "Nope, not yet. You have to warm up first." I roll my eyes.

"I ran here." She shook her head.

"Nope. Go do warm-up." I groan, but go and do our traditional warm up. I fall into the familiar routine of pushups, situps, and stretching.

"So." I say. The silence in the room is suffocating, but I don't know what to talk about.

"So." Tris repeated, and took a hit at the bag. It swings a foot or so. I smile.

"Nice hit." She shrugged. "You are quiet today." Another hit and shrug. I'm curious, but decide to not ask any more questions. I finish my warm up and head towards the targets. We were practicing guns in training, so even though I knew my aim was fine, I still wanted to practice before hand. Picking up a few knives I stand in front of the target and start to throw.

My tense shoulder muscles begin to loosen as the familiar sound of knives sinking into wood and a swinging punching bag fills the air. The horrors of my nightmare begin to fade as I focus on hitting the center. Eventually I get bored of throwing, and I got to the punching bags. I begin to punch, letting out any of the remaining stress from the dream.

I let my mind drift off. Why isn't Tris talking to me? Is she mad? Did I push her too far last night? Why didn't she come to any of our meetings? Why wasn't she at school at all last year? I have so many questions, yet I hold them back. She is already overwhelmed by all of her new surroundings, I can't overwhelm her more. That wouldn't be fair of me.

I glance at my watch. The hours flew by, and now it's 6. "Hey, I am going to stay in here and set up. It's 6, so they should be putting out breakfast now. If you want something good I suggest you go up and get it now." Tris stops punching, and turns to me. Her body is drenched in sweat, just like mine, and hair is falling out of her ponytail.

"I wouldn't know what to get if I went up there." She said. I smile.

"That's ok. Do you want me to go with you? Or do you want to shower then go with your friends?" Tris lowers her head, but not before I noticed her blush.

"Can I go with you?" I chuckle.

"Sure, come on. No one is ever really up this early unless they have too. We will be fine."

Tris POV

Tobias leads me to the kitchens. He looks a lot more relaxed than he did when he first walked into the training room.

I feel bad for not speaking to him. To be honest, I just don't know what to say. He has obviously changed since he has come here, and I can't tell him anything that happened in Abnegation. I'm stuck.

I follow Tobias up to the counter where there are rows of baskets filled with of it I recognize from when I helped my mom with sorting food for the factionless, and some of it I have never seen in my life.

"Do you trust me?" Tobias asks, breaking me from my train of thought. What kind of question is that? Of course I trust him. I wouldn't have switched factions if I didn't.

"Of course." I say. Tobias smiles. I love to see him smile. It's a rare sight, but that makes it even more special when he does.

"Good. Then you can trust me to order breakfast for you?" I shrug.

"Anything is better than oatmeal and eggs." Tobias shrugs, and orders two plates of bacon and french toast. When they come back he brings them to a table in a corner.

"You wait here, I'll go get our drinks." Before I can protest, he is walking over towards a drink machine. I stare at my plate. The french toast looks like toast, but different with white powdered stuff on top. The bacon looks good, but weird. After a few moments Tobias holds two mugs of a steaming liquid. I stare at the dark brown liquid curiously. "It's called coffee." Tobias says. "I like it with cream and sugar, but some people like it plain. It really just depends on your preference. I got you some cream and sugar to put it just in case you want to." I nod.

"Thank you." Tobias smiles.

"It's my pleasure." He points to the french toast. "That is toast covered in eggs and cooked. They put powdered sugar on it. You normally would eat it with syrup." He pushes a container of dark liquid towards me. I take it and make a puddle of it near my toast. Tobias points to the bacon. "That is something called pork, or pig meat, and is sliced and then basically fried. It's my favorite. You can also eat it with syrup." I nod. I take a sip of my now cooled coffee, and don't bother to add cream or sugar. It tastes fine to me.

"Thank you." I repeat again.

"Thank you," Tobias says, looking at me sincerely. "You didn't have to follow me here, but you did." I smile.

"I wanted to, it's not like I could have stayed in Abnegation. The suffocation was unbearable." Tobias nods.

"But you still left your family. So thank you." He nods towards my plate. "You should eat up before people begin to come." I nod and take a bite of the toast. I wonder how I had lived with such bland food all of my life. Tobias looks at me with a look of amusement.

"Hey, don't judge me! I bet you were the same way." He chuckles.

"I was, that's why I find it so funny." I smile and continue to eat my breakfast. Tobias and I have light conversation until we both finish.

"And now back to instructor initiate mode." I whisper. Tobias gives me a quick hug.

"I love you Tris. As mean as I will be in training, just remember that." I nod. His hug leaves my whole body tingling as I follow him back to the training room.


	23. Chapter 23

Tobias POV  
After breakfast, Tris stretches in the training room as we wait on the other initiates. The silence wasn't as awkward as before which is definitely an improvement. My shoulders stay relaxed as I carry the guns from the supply closet to the middle of the room. There are already a few out for public use, but I always bring out a set for the initiates to use. That way there are still some if a random person wants to practice at the same time as us.

Soon enough the initiates start to trickle in. I glance at Bea as she stands up from her spot on the floor and goes to join everyone by the entrance. I notice that she is starting to become friends with the Candor girl and Erudite boy, as they are talking in a group in the corner. The one who came and found her last night, Al, is hanging close by their group. Not close enough to be part of it but not excluded either. I'm not sure how I feel about him yet.

As soon as the clock hits 7 I yell at the initiates to get their attention and start the lesson. I start off with a brief explanation of the agenda for the day and explain the structure of initiation. I start to hand out the guns, noticing how each initiate reacts to holding them for the first time. Bea stares at her gun and weighs it carefully in her hands. I slowly walk back to my position in the front and watch the initiates for a second before the idiot Peter speaks up.

"What.." He interrupts himself with a yawn. "What does firing a gun have to do with…bravery?" I walk towards him and quickly flip the gun he was fumbling with out of his hands and hold it to his forehead. I click a bullet into place, freezing him mid yawn.

"Wake. Up. You are holding a loaded gun. Act like it." I slowly lower the gun. I answer his question, which was actually not a bad one compared to others I've received, and then start to shoot at the targets. I automatically fall into position, my muscles having memorized their place long ago. I close an eye and aim before pulling the trigger. Bullseye. I do it again, slower this time, just so they know what to do. Finally, I walk back and let the initiates start shooting on their own.

I sit back against a wall and observe them. Eric stands next to me, but neither of us talk. It takes a while for any of them to hit the target, and I notice Bea struggling more than most. I had thought she would do well with the guns having practiced aiming before, but I hadn't taken into account her size. The rebound thrusts her body back after every shot setting her off balance. She would do much better with a pistol. My legs itch to walk over to her and fix her stance and to give her tips, but I can't show favoritism. I shouldn't even be watching her as long as I am. I can't let Eric get suspicious of us.

I start zoning out, as I often do while watching the initiates. I need to make sure Eric does most of the rankings. I know after initiation Bea and I are going to go public and I can't have people assuming favoritism had to do with her rank. That also means someone else should do most of her simulations, but if she is what I'm assuming she is I might just want to do her first or second…

After two hours of shooting I call lunch break and collect the guns from the initiates. They walk slowly to lunch, already exhausted. Tris stays back for a bit though pretending to shoot a little bit longer. I walk up to her once everyone leaves and gently place my hand on her shoulder. She jumps and spins around her eyes flashing with fear. It disappears quickly once she realizes it's me. I choose to ignore it, though warily.

"How are you doing?" I ask gently. Tris shakes her head.

"My fingers are cramping, but that's all. I'm doing fine." Beads of sweat drip down her forehead. I give her a small smile.

"You need to work on your stance. Stand with your feet farther apart, that way you won't stumble as much from the rebound." Tris nodded. "Are you sure you are okay?"

"Yeah, it's just a lot to take in that's all. I've been dreaming about this place since I was what, ten? It's weird adjusting to this," she gestures to the room with her hand, "after being used to that small training room."

"Yeah, I get it." I say, wiping a bit of sweat from her forehead. "You should go eat. You must be starving, and your friends are probably wondering where you are."

"What are we going to be doing after lunch? More shooting?" I shake my head.

"We are preparing for fights tomorrow. You should be fine today, I'm going over everything we did in Abnegation so you already know it. You might have to go easy at first though. Don't want to show all your strength at once so you can show improvement." I have to stop myself from lecturing her. She nods and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving for lunch. I sigh, and run my hand over my face. This is going to be a long three weeks.

After an hour the initiates start to trickle back in. Their faces are harder than before, more determined.

"We will go over technique today, and you will start your fights tomorrow." Bea's face turns pale at the mention of fights. I don't blame her. Fighting is one of the few things she hasn't practiced at all. She already knew how to aim, which helped her with shooting but fighting was different. Even though we had the sparring rinks in the training room, I never would fight with her. No matter how much she asked me, I always had said no. I was too afraid to hurt her like Marcus had hurt me.

I had no doubt she would do fine. The other initiates had half the muscle and experience she did, but she didn't know that. The only one I was worried about was Peter, but I doubted she would be paired against him. That was as unfair as unfair can get.

I start explaining the fights, and demonstrate all of the basic moves. I mentally take note of who is listening, keeping track of who was actually trying. Those were the people I would help first. I could care less about the idiots who daydreamed while I was demonstrating.

Once I show off the last move I direct the initiates to the punching bags, and let them practice on their own. I walk along the line of initiates, critiquing poses here or there. And then I reach Tris. I step back a few feet to observe her stance. It's nearly perfect, but I notice she puts all her tension in her legs and in her arms. It doesn't affect her much now but I know she will definitely feel it tomorrow morning.

Without thinking I place my hand on her rib cage, my long fingers stretching over her stomach. I feel her take a sharp breath. Quickly I try to remember what I was going to say, why I was being bold.

"Remember to keep tension here." I whisper. "You have muscle, so fighting with your fists and feet shouldn't be a problem. If they ever get tired or injured though, your knees and elbows are just as powerful." She gives me a sharp nod, and I notice her breath's uneven. I reluctantly let go of my hand and walk off towards the next person in line, trying to ignore the fluttering in my chest.

I finally let the initiates go for dinner a couple of hours later. The room stinks of sweat, and it's starting to get nauseating to all of us. I walk out with them, debating whether or not I felt like being social and eating in the pit. I let the initiates walk ahead of me, and slowly wander the hallways no direct destination in mind.

"Four! I need to talk to you." I spin around, shoulders tensed. Eric stands in front of me.

"What do you want Eric?"

"We need to talk about the initiates today." I hold myself back from rolling my eyes.

"It's too early to tell any of their rankings, it's the first day.." I turn around, a sudden desire to eat in my apartment alone filling me.

"It's about the stiff." I spin around, suddenly worried.

"What?"

"I'm curious...She seems pretty strong for her size. It's abnormal for a stiff to be so strong on the first day."

"Do you realize who you are talking to?" Did he already forget that I was the stiff who sent a punching bag flying at the end of our first day?

"I was wondering if you knew anything about her. You know, being stiff buddies and all." I clench my jaw.

"She probably just prepared for choosing earlier than the other initiates did. It seems like she has wanted this for a while."

"And how do you know that?" I shrug, trying to hide the panic that is quickly rising inside me.

"Just a guess. I wouldn't think too much of it."

"Do you think she may be...Divergent?" His tone is full of suspicion causing me to gulp.

"It's too early to tell. We'll just have to see during stage two."

"If she makes it that far." Eric says, his voice lowering. "I'm going to start watching her closely from now on. Don't forget the things I could do to her, Tobias." A shiver runs down my spine as he says my real name. With one last glare Eric turns around and stalks towards the pit for dinner. I sigh, and rub my tired eyes with my calloused hands. Tris was already getting attention and it was the first day. So much for fitting in.


	24. Chapter 24

Tris POV

Once training ends Al goes to get a tattoo with Will while Christina and I go shopping. Since training is over we get to do whatever we want until it's time to sleep. Honestly it's pretty exciting. Despite my aching muscles a large smile sticks to my face. I finally get to experience the freedom I have been longing for for so long.

Christina starts talking about how we should 'look the part for Dauntless'. I roll my eyes.

"I'm not getting a piercing or changing my hair." I sigh as she sends me a look. "I'll let you pick out my clothes though." Christina's face lights up, and she grabs my wrist and drags me to the closest shop. Soon enough my arms are filled with black shirts and pants and I'm being pushed into the changing rooms. With a deep sigh I strip off my loose black top and pants and start to try on everything she picked for me.

Surprisingly I liked most of the things she picked out. There were a few crop tops and short skirts that I didn't even try on and immediately put in the 'doesn't fit' pile. The clothes were tighter than I was used to and were a bit uncomfortable, but I was Dauntless now. If I wanted to make it, I had to look the part didn't I? I couldn't let my Abnegation past control my entire life now. That wouldn't be fair.

I step out of the dressing room and drop the clothes I didn't want in the basket outside of the dressing room labelled for unwanted clothes. A part of me itched to fold everything nicely and put it back, but I pushed the urge aside. That was someone's job. It would be selfish to take that from them, wouldn't it?

Christina takes the clothes I chose and took them to the counter with hers. A bright smile lit of her face, making the one on mine grow as well. After she paid the correct amount of points for the clothes, she handed me a bag.

"Here. Now let's go do your make-up. Then we can go get tattoos of our own." I raise my eyebrow, but follow her. I'm not completely against getting a tattoo, it's just I'm not sure what I'm willing to get permanently inked into my skin. Plus there was the problem of my scarred back. Whatever I got would have to be on my arm or collarbone, unless I could trust someone enough to do my back. That was unlikely though.

A tortuous hour later and Christina had successfully done my hair and makeup. She hadn't cut anything, just put it into something called a braid. It was nice having it held back in something other than a ponytail. The makeup felt foreign on my face, almost like she had stuck a whole other face onto it. After I had changed into my new black clothes, she was right. I looked striking.

We meet up with Will and Al at the tattoo parlor. Will decided not to get a tattoo, and apparently Al got one of a spider on his arm. I don't ask to see it though. Christina leaves me to go look through a book of ideas with Will, so I decide to go explore. Maybe the pictures on the wall will give me an idea of what I want. At least, that's what I hope.

I pass a picture of a hawk and a raven. It isn't exactly what I would want, but I like the idea of having birds. They were free, but not only free. They were free and happy, exactly what I had yearned for when I chose Dauntless.

I walk deeper into the room, and slowly the pictures get darker. The once bright colors turn dark, and soon black. Out of the corner of my eye I see a tiger running out of a cage, escaping to freedom. Suddenly an idea comes to me, and I start to walk back to Christina and Will. I just needed to find an artist…

"Can I help you?" I spin around, and find myself face to face with Tori, my aptitude test administrator.

"Do you work here?"

"I do. Beatrice, isn't it?"

"I go by Tris now. Do you mind doing my tattoo?" She gives me a small smile and nods. She leads me to a room as we continue to talk.

"I've heard that name, weren't you the first jumper?" I nod. "That's impressive for a Stiff." Not sure how to respond, I smile. Once we enter the room, she gestures towards a chair in the middle of the room. A strange sense of Deja Vu washed over me as I sat down and watched her fiddle with the tattoo gun.

"What do you want?" I tell her, being sure to explain it in detail. I notice that she sketches as I explain, occasionally erasing and redrawing when I mention a detail I had previously forgotten. I saw it perfect in my mind, and all I could hope was that I could explain it well enough that she could as well. "Ok, I got it. So something like this?" She shows me the piece of paper, and I let out a sigh of relief. It was even better than what I had seen in my mind. And that was just a sketch.

"That's perfect."

"Cool. Where do you want it?" I take a deep breath.

"Can you do it on my lower stomach? About the size of my palm on the right side" She nods, a thoughtful look on her face.

"Are you sure?" I nod. "Okay then, let me get the gun and ink and we can start."

Before long I'm pulling up my shirt and letting her start on the tattoo. Thankfully Marcus never really hit my stomach, and the few times he did left excusable scars. The needles hurt their sting sharp like a bee, but not as sharp as the stinging from Marcus' belt. Tori and I mindlessly talked while she does the tattoo. After a few hours, she finishes and wipes the sensitive skin with a cool wipe which makes it tingle.

"There you go. I have to say, that looks amazing on you. And I'm not just saying that. You can go pay up front. I'll see you around, Tris." Suddenly, I'm curious. She's the only one who knows about my Divergence. I need to ask her, need to know what she knows.

"Wait, can you-"

"No, I can't. Have a good day Tris." I sigh, and walk out. Christina and Will must have left a long time ago, so I pay and head out to the cafeteria. It's dinner time, and my stomach is growling. Thinking about my stomach, I lift my new shirt up and smile at the sight of my new tattoo. The skin around it is red and swollen, but the black ink stands out against it boldly. A cage with a bird perch represents Abnegation and the suffocation that it held. Two birds are flying out of the cage, bursting open the door to it. They represent me and Toby. Toby. What will he think of the tattoo? Does he have a tattoo? I need to ask him that, though I do think I noticed some black creeping up the back of his neck. Though that might have been my imagination.

I grab a tray of food and cake before sitting down at the table with everyone else.

"Tris! We were going to wait for you, but you disappeared and we just thought you were getting a tattoo and Will got hungry so we left. I'm sorry, how is your tattoo? What is it? Can I see it?" Christina babbles on and on, making me laugh.

"It's fine Christina, don't worry about it. My tattoo's fine, you can see it later in the dorms okay? I just want to eat right now. I'm starving." She nods, and we eat. They served soup today, but it wasn't the watered down soup we had in Abnegation. It was thick and well seasoned. I had two bowls before my stomach refused to eat any more.

Eventually we walked back to the dorms. After taking a quick shower, I got changed into some looser clothes and laid in my bed. Other initiates started walking in, and the sound of showers and people changing filled the room slowly lulling me into sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

Tris POV

I follow Christina and Will into the training room, nerves bubbling in my stomach. Today was the first day of fights. Every time I think about it, my stomach clenches into a bunch of knots. Punching a bag is one thing. Punching a person is another. And I don't only have to punch them-I have to knock them out completely. I have to make someone go unconscious.

I know I'm physically capable of it, but mentally? That's a whole other story. What if I'm paired against a friend? I wouldn't be able to hurt them, but if I let them beat me my ranking would plummet. I can't afford that.

Reaching the training room I hold the door open for Christina and Will, the Abnegation in me creeping out. Walking in behind them, I see Tobias waiting for us inside along with Eric. They stand side by side, but their shoulders are a good three feet apart. They obviously hate each other.

"Since there is an odd number of you, one of you won't be fighting today," glancing at the board on the wall I sigh in relief. There's an empty space beside my name. I won't have to fight. Not today at least. Al and Will are first. Christina nudges me in the ribs, causing me to wince.

"Look, I'm up against the tank."

"Who?"

"Peter's slightly more feminine looking sidekick, Molly," she goes on to explain about Peter, Molly, and Drew. I tune out a bit, watching the fight. Al seems to be beating Will, though both are putting up a good fight. It takes a lot not to wince every time a punch or kick is thrown. One good thing is that I'll have the advantage of endurance. While some people will go down with a single kick or punch, it'll take a lot more to get me to fall.

Al wins the fight against Will, and Tobias carries Will to the infirmary while Christina walks up to the rink against Molly. I lean forward, nerves tugging at my stomach. Christina acts fast, aiming a swift kick at Molly. Molly reacts by diving towards Christina's stomach, knocking her to the ground. She punches her face repeatedly. Blood streams down her face onto the mat, staining it a dark red.

Christina attempts a weak punch at Molly, managing to wiggle out of grasp and get on her knees. I beg for her to go unconscious. Blood coats her fingers. Her shoulders shake with sobs. My heart aches, knowing all too well the pain she is feeling.

Molly kicks her side, "Stop! Stop! I'm...I'm done." Christina begs, her voice is thick with tears. Eric looks at her, his eyes swirling with fury. I flinch, knowing whatever he is about to say isn't going to be pleasant.

"Excuse me? What did you say? You're done?" Christina nods slowly. "Get up." His voice is quiet, careful. The voice that means he isn't just going to yell at her. The voice that means he is going to do much, much worse.

Grabbing Christina's arm, Eric yanks her to her feet and drags her out the door. "Follow me," he says, and we do. Too scared to disobey him.

Watching Christina hang over the chasm for 5 minutes was terrifying. If I lost her...I already feel that I can trust her, which isn't easy for me. Neither was watching all of the fights. I hate watching people get hurt and doing nothing about it. It makes me feel like Marcus. Feel dirty.

I shower and change in the bathroom. White scars fill my back and wrap around to my stomach. Looking at them makes me feel sick, so I quickly pull my shirt over my head and pull on my pants. When I come back spray-painted on my bed is Stiff. And on the bed-frame. And my pillow.

Whirling around I see Peter innocently fluffing his pillow. I stalk over, anger bubbling in my stomach.

"How dare you," I growl, pushing him up against the bed frame. "I'm not a stiff anymore. Get over it."

"Oh yeah?" Peter asks, "prove it." Without hesitation, I punch his nose, not caring that blood starts to drip down.

"Is that enough proof for you perfect boy?" He nods tersely. "Good."

I quickly wrap my sheets and pillowcase in a ball and shove it underneath my bed. I'll deal with getting new bedding later.

Today is the second day of fights. I know I have to fight today. As long as I don't have to fight Christina, Will, or Al I should do alright. Maybe even win if it's someone annoying like Molly. I'm strong, and I have experience with pain. Both good things to have going into a fight.

Reaching the training room my eyes immediately go to the board with all of the fights. Skimming down the list I find my name next to...Peter?

"Oh no," Christina says, standing next to me. Her face is black and blue, but other than that she is standing and fine. At least she is acting that way. I know her ribs are killing her. "They are making you fight him? That isn't fair at all." I shake my head. Peter beat Drew in less than 5 minutes yesterday, and today Drew's face is more black and blue then skin colored.

Summoning the anger I felt this morning I walk to the fighting arena. Peter stands in front of me, blood still slowly dripping out of his nose. I take a deep breath. I can do this. Peter underestimates me. I can use that to my advantage. I glance at Tobias, who is watching us from the corner of the room. His mouth is puckered, almost as if he had just eaten something sour. I know he had nothing to do with this pairing, there is no way he would have chosen to put me against Peter. Especially for my first fight.

"You okay there Stiff?" Peter asks, a smirk growing on his face. "You look like you are about to cry. I might go easy on you if you cry." Gulping, my gaze turns cold. Anger at the nickname builds up in me. I kick at his side. It's strong enough to make him stumble, but he doesn't fall. I groan. I just showed my strength. So much for him underestimating me.

"Feisty I see. I can work with that." Without warning, he aims a punch at my head. Without thinking I duck and move behind him. Disoriented, Peter stumbles around for a second trying to find me. Taking advantage of it, I try to kick him in his side again. This time he trips and falls. Images of Marcus doing the same flash through my mind. Images of my cowering back in fear nearly overwhelm me. Peter kicks out, causing me to fall on my back.

He jumps at the new opportunity and quickly pounces at me. He aims a punch at my forehead, but I turn so it hits my cheek instead. I barely feel it. I attempt to punch him but he pins my arms down. Memories of Marcus doing the same thing before raping me flood my mind. I try to push them away, but it only makes the memories worse. My breathing picks up, and I panic. I bring up my knee, hitting Peter in the back surprising him.

I take advantage of his surprise by flipping over, putting myself in control once more. I push myself off the blood stained mat and aim a final kick at Peter's head. It lolls to the side as he falls unconscious. Relief floods me, but also guilt. Tears prick my eyes as I leave the mat, nearly falling into Christina's open arms.

"Damn Tris, that was badass. You beat Peter, you're almost guaranteed to stay in the first cuts!" Her words create a small smile. Beating Peter was good for my score, I wouldn't have to worry as much during training. That was good.

Memories and images are still flashing through my mind. I scan the room for Toby, maybe I could leave and he could follow. But do I really want that? No doubt he will ask why I spaced out. What would I say? I don't know, and I don't know where he is either.

He left in the middle of my fight.

Why? Pain stabs my heart. Eric has Will carry Peter to the infirmary while the next fight, Drew against Molly, started.

How am I going to finish the rest of the first stage of initiation if I can't even spar with someone without having flashbacks? I see Marcus enough in my dreams, why do I have to have flashbacks of him during the day too?

Christina glances at me, a worried expression on her face.

"Are you alright? You were doing really well and then you kind of just, stopped." I shrug.

"I honestly don't know what happened. My mind blanked out I guess. Must have been from panic."

"If you're sure…" I nod, "How is your cheek?"

"Fine," I say, which is true. I barely feel it. Just a small sting. "Is it bruised?"

"Yeah, a lot."

"Must be the adrenaline," I say though I know it's not. It's from the countless punches I've received on the same cheek.

After Drew and Molly's fight, Tobias comes back in. His face is red, and his eyebrows were furrowed together. He scans the room until he finds me. His eyes rest on me for a second, scanning my injuries. I nod a bit to let him know I'm alright, but it just causes his eyebrows to furrow more.

Finally, the fights finish. Eric releases us for lunch, walking out the doors with us. Tobias stays back.

"Tris? Can I talk to you for a second?" I turn around, not surprised he called me. Quickly letting Christina know I'll be back soon, I follow him to a bench in the middle of the training room. "We need to talk."


	26. Chapter 26

Tobias POV

Before Bea leaves for lunch I call out for her, "Tris? Can I talk to you for a second? We need to talk." She stops walking and says something to the Candor transfer, Christina I think, and then walks over.

"Yes?" Her voice is careful, cautious. My eyes catch the bruise starting to form on her cheek. Guilt stabs my chest. Why did Eric have to put her against Peter of all people?

"Are you alright?" I stand, walking over to her. My fingers gently brush against her cheek. Heat spreads through my hand. A small smile creeps onto my face. She nods.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It doesn't hurt, I promise," I look at her doubtfully. The punch should have hurt more than she was letting on. Either she was used to the punches, or she was lying about the pain. I wish neither was true.

"I doubt that," my hand rests on her ribs. She winces, but tries to hide it, "where else did he hurt you?"

A fierce look fills her eyes, "You would know if you had stayed to watch the whole thing, wouldn't you?" I flinch.

"Does it really bother you that I left?" Her silence answers for itself, "I'm sorry. I just couldn't watch it. Watch you get thrown around like that. It made me sick."

Bea bows her head, looking intently at the ground, "Look. Something is obviously the matter. You haven't been yourself at all lately. What's up? Is it something I did?" Desperation fills my voice.

Ever since I left her in Abnegation all I've looked forward to is her coming to join me. Except, now that she has it hasn't been the same. I mean, I'm not either. I have a completely different name for goodness sake. But she's been distant ever since she fell into that net. She hasn't been her full self. We used to be able to trust each other like that, and I need to know why she feels like she can't anymore.

"What? No, you did nothing. I'm fine, promise. Just a bit overwhelmed with initiation."

"You know, when people say they are fine, they normally mean the exact opposite." Red tints her cheeks, and her eyes stare at the ground again.

"Seriously Tobias. I'm ok. "

"You aren't hurting anywhere?"

"I mean, I just got beat up by the biggest kid in our initiation class. I'm as good as can be after that." Her blue eyes stare into mine. Their gray like storm clouds, but mixed with a light blue, like water. Water reflecting a cloudy sky.

"Do you want me to get ice for your side?" She looks in surprise. "You winced when you touched you earlier."

"It's ok, I'm good. I better get going before Christina comes looking for me." I nod slowly, squeezing her hand tightly. Something still isn't right, but I know she won't tell me. I'll just have to wait, have patience just like she did for me. But it's hard. All I want to do is help her, but that's impossible without knowing what's wrong.

"Ok, I love you." She gives me a small smile, and a peck on the cheek.

"Love you," she quickly leaves, not giving me time to say anything else. Sighing, I lean against one of the pillars supporting the ceiling. First, she ignores my meetings in the training rooms, and now this? It's almost as if she wants to break up with me, but doesn't know how to tell me.

My heart starts to beat faster. Is that it? Has she finally realized what a mess I am? That she deserved better? My stomach sinks. That can't be true. She just said she loved me, she wouldn't lie. Would she?

I wrap my hands and start to punch a punching bag. Something had to have happened in Abnegation, otherwise, she wouldn't be acting like this. The possibility that Marcus got her flicks across my mind. It made sense, but no. She would have told me about that. Bea would have been smart enough to stay clear of him. Smart enough to keep far away.

My knuckles sear in pain as they beat against the tough fabric of the punching bag. At least Tris was doing well in initiation. Despite what she may think, she was already in the top three spots. There was no way she could be cut. As long as Eric away, she should be good.

I take the bloody wraps from my hands and lean against the pillar once more. The initiates won't be back until tomorrow. I should probably go to my apartment and rest while I can, but my body refuses. It needs to be active to keep my mind off of Bea. I've been thinking about her too much lately, I mean I always think of her, but not as often as I am lately.

Sighing, I leave the room breathing in the damp air feet automatically lead me where I always seem to end up. The fear landscape room.

After finishing initiation, most people never come back here. There isn't really any reason too unless you have something to prove. However, I'm not most people. I came in here once a week, always hoping that my fears would change, or that I would somehow lose one. It's a stupid hope. I have the least amount of fears in the whole compound, it's extremely unlikely I'll lose one.

Pulling out a syringe I fill it with the serum. My fingers are steady as they perform the memorized actions. With a deep breath, I stick it in my neck and inject myself before everything turns dark.


	27. Chapter 27

Tris POV

After talking with Tobias and eating lunch, I decide to finally go to the infirmary. I need to make sure nothing happened when Marcus...raped me. Nerves bubble in my stomach.

Hi, my name is Tris. Can I get a check up? I haven't been feeling well.

It wasn't a complete lie. My hips and waist had been sore ever since that night. The countless times he cornered me and did it again didn't help either. Even though the thought of telling someone what happened terrified me, I needed to make sure everything was good.

I tentatively walk up to the front desk, not sure what I was supposed to do. A lady with a black tattoo crawling up her neck sits in front of a computer. Her hair is cut short, a piercing sticking out from her nose. She sends me a kind smile.

"What can I do for you today?"

"Um, my name is Tris. I, um, I, can I get a check up?"

"Sure honey, what for?" I freeze up. I hadn't planned this far ahead.

"Um," my brain blanks, "some things haven't been feeling very well. I want to make sure everything is ok." The lady gives me a knowing glance. Nerves bubble in my stomach again.

"Sure thing. Shauna doesn't have anyone right now. I can set you up with her. Just wait out here while I call her and fill out this paperwork. I take the clipboard and pen from her and go sit in the corner of the room.

The paper consists of easy questions, most easy like 'have you gotten your period', and 'have you ever had surgery'. I nearly finish it without a problem before I see the last question.

'Have you had sexual intercourse in the past year?'

My hand freezes. I have to check the box with yes. She is going to ask me about it, no doubt about it. She's going to think I'm a slut. A whore. She'll tell everyone. I'll be known as the Stiff who had sex before she even transferred to Dauntless. I shake my head. Doctors aren't allowed to share that. Are they?

With a shaking hand, I check the box with 'yes'. I bring it back up to the lady at the front desk, not daring to look her in the eyes. She doesn't look at the paper as she puts it neatly in a folder and hands it to another girl in pink scrubs. She has dark blond hair, almost like mine, and warm brown eyes. Her smile is warm, slightly easing the tension in my shoulders.

"Great. I'm Shauna, and I'll be your nurse. Come on, let's go in the back and talk a bit before I start your check up." I nod, not trusting my voice. She leads me down a hallway, then turns right and right again. She unlocks a door and holds the door for me.

"Thank you," I whisper. She nods and smiles.

"Of course. Now, I always like to get to know my patients a little bit before I do anything. So why don't we start by introducing ourselves and then I will ask a few questions. Is that alright?" I nod. "Alright. I'm Doctor Jenkins, but please call me Shauna. I got 5th place in my initiation two years ago and got lucky enough to have the opportunity to train to be a Doctor. I specialize in helping domestic violence and rape victims, but I help with whatever I can around here." My heart starts to beat faster when I realize it's my turn to talk.

"Um, are you allowed to tell anyone about what I tell you?"

"No, honey. Not unless it's something illegal and you're secretly a murderer or something." I smile a bit.

"Alright. Um, my name's Tris. I'm in initiation right now, um, there's nothing left to tell really. I came from Abnegation so my life's been pretty boring so far." That's a lie, but it's what is expected. I prepare myself for a Stiff joke, but it never comes. Shauna just nods and writes a few things on her pad of paper.

"Ok, Tris, it's nice to meet you. Your name sounds familiar. You were the first jumper weren't you?" I nod. "Oh! And you're friends with Four. He talks about you all the time." I blush, not sure how to respond. "Anyways, this is getting unprofessional. Is it alright if I ask you a few questions now?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, let's see." She flips through the pages on her clipboard. "Let's start with something easy. Why are you here today?"

I gulp, trying to push away the tears that threaten to come out of my eyes. The answer isn't easy at all. If only it was.

"Oh gosh, was that too straightforward? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to get upset. Here," she hands me a tissue. I wipe my eyes a bit. "I'm sorry. Are you not ready to talk about it yet?" I shake my head.

"I…" My head spins trying to find where to begin. "In Abnegation. I um," I furiously wipe my eyes with the tissue again. This is pathetic. I shouldn't be crying.

"It's alright. Whatever it was, I'm not going to judge you. I'm not allowed to tell anyone, so whatever it is is safe with me."

"I was raped," my voice is barely a whisper, "and abused." I slowly raise my eyes, scared to see her reaction.

Shauna wraps me in a hug. Tears freely fall down my cheeks as I rest my head on her shoulder and return the hug. It feels so good to be held, to not be scorned upon or yelled at.

"Oh sweetie," she whispers, her voice soft and gentle. "I'm here for you. Don't worry, you're not with them anymore. You left." I nod slowly.

"Thank you." She nods.

"I assume you want me to do a check up on everything to make sure nothing is torn or damaged?" I nod again. "Alright. Let me set up a room. I'll be right back."

She comes back ten minutes later and leads me to a different room. A machine sits in the corner, and there is a desk with a computer on top of it. A bed lays in the middle.

"I'm just going to perform a few tests, alright?" I nod. "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. If anything hurts tell me."

She performs a few tests, though I can't remember what they were called. It hurt a bit, which I told her. When she was finished everything was sorer than it was before, making it hard to sit. Shauna gave me a pitying glance. "Let me take these results to the lab real quick, and I'll be back with your results."

By now it was nearly dinner time, Christina was probably wondering where I was. Excuses fly through my head. I decide to stick with the story that I took a walk and got lost, but found my way back eventually and went to the dorms.

"Alright, I'm back." Her voice lost its cheerful perk, and her eyes were dimmed. I gulped. "There's good news and bad news." I nod.

"What's the good news?" I was desperate to hear something positive for once.

"Well, you aren't pregnant, and you didn't get any STD's, which is really good." I nod, relief washing over me.

"And the bad news?" Shauna looks down.

"Well, from the ultrasound it looks like one of your ovaries collapsed from the trauma. That means… it means that you are 50% less likely to be able to have a child. I'm so sorry Tris." Tears sting my eyes. My throat clogs up. I simply nod, accepting the news.

How was I going to tell Tobias? 'Hey, your abusive father beat me after you left, and now I'm 50% less likely to have children?' Would he leave me because of it? He wouldn't. Would he?

Tears streamed down my face faster, and my shoulders shake with sobs. Shauna wraps her arms around me again. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She whispers. I just cry. I cry out the pain, the disappointment, the shame. All I can do is cry.


	28. Chapter 28

Tris POV

After calming myself down a bit and wiping my face until it looked normal, I head straight for the Cafeteria. Christina, as predicted, was waiting for me.

"Where were you? I haven't seen you all day! I thought Eric found you or something!" The corners of my mouth turn up slightly at her worry.

"I went on a walk. I needed time to myself after the fight. I guess I just got lost, didn't pay attention to where I was going. You know?" The lie slips easily off of my tongue. I've become accustomed to lying, a bad habit that's helped me more than it should.

"Yeah, ok. Are you hungry? I got you a salad and some steak while I was in line. Is that alright?" The Candor in her begins to peek through as her words tangle together in a fast slur. I chuckle and nod my head.

"That's great. Is everyone else at a table?" She nods and leads me over where Will and Al are sitting.

"Why's your face so red? Are you sure you're ok?" I look up quickly, surprised. I nod.

"Yeah, fine. Does it really look that bad?" By this time we are sitting at the table. I look down and see that Christina did indeed get me a salad and steak, whatever that is, which smells amazing.

"Your left cheek looks like a child's coloring page when they only have black and blue crayons." My eyebrows raise. Will begins to choke on his salad from laughter, Al has a concerned look on his face.

"Don't listen to her. Your face looks good. It always looks good. I mean-" His cheeks are bright red by now. "You look brave. Like a true Dauntless."

I tilt my head in thanks, but can't help but feel uncomfortable. Al's alright, but I hope he doesn't think we have a chance together. I have Toby, but even if I didn't I couldn't be attracted to him, especially since he is so fragile. I need someone strong, who can help me be strong. I need Toby.

"Tris, while you were gone Eric told us that we are going on a field trip tomorrow. We have to be on the train tomorrow by 8:15," I smile at Will.

"Thanks. Any clue where?" He shook his head, and I sigh. "Lovely, a surprise from Eric in the morning. What a great gift." The lingering tension from earlier breaks as everyone laughs. I smile, and for a small moment, forget about all the terrible things I had found out, and all the worry of telling Toby.

The next morning I wake up stiff and sore, though the feeling isn't new so I push through it and quickly get dressed and head out with Christina and Will to the train tracks. We stop by the cafeteria to pick up a quick breakfast and eat it on the way.

Four stands in front of the tracks, arms crossed in front of his chest. His shirt is tight, revealing he defined abs and arm muscles. I blush as I realize I'm staring, and stare at the ground instead. His eyes scan over the group before nodding to himself and running beside the oncoming train. With ease, he grabs the handle and jumps into a cart.

The rest of the group follows, some faster than others. My legs burn from stiffness as I struggle to keep up. My lungs burn, my head hurts, but I keep running. I've run with worse injuries, this is nothing.

I'm near the end of the tracks now. Taking a deep breath I grab the lowest handle on the train and pull myself into the cart. Four discreetly nods to me, the most interaction we are allowed in front of the others. If he could he would tell me good job and ask if I was alright after the fight. But he can't, and it hurts me just as much is it does him.

"Feeling ok there? Or are you a little...stiff?" Peter and his jockeys laugh, while I roll my eyes. The stiff joke got old by 4th grade. By now I'm sick of it.

"I'm in awe of your incredible wit. Are you sure you don't belong in Erudite? I heard they don't object to sissies." I smile at this and lock eyes with Christina. She nods when she recognizes the message I'm trying to send, thank you.

Soon enough the train stops, and we follow Four onto the field. Dauntless troops roam the empty prairie land.

"If you don't end up in the top 5 you will probably end up here, guarding the fence," Four states bluntly. Faces drop, but mine hardens. I will be in the top 5. I have to be.

"Guarding what?" Will asks. Four shrugs nonchalantly.

"I guess you'll find out if you join, won't you?"

"What rank were you?" Peter's voice pipes up from the back of the group.

Four's eyes let through a tad of pride. "I was first."

"And you chose to do this? Why didn't you get a job in government?" I flinch. I know why it's because that meant seeing his father again. That made him more like the monster he spent his whole life fearing.

"I didn't want one." His tone made it clear that was the end of the conversation.

An Amity truck drives up, filled with people who have huge grins on their face. It stops near us.

"Beatrice?" My head snaps in the direction of my name, and I see Four turn his head too, confused as to who knew my name and why.

Robert hopped off of the wagon and walked towards me. "Beatrice, what happened to your face?"

"Nothing, just training." My voice is flat, emotionless. I want this conversation over with as soon as possible.

"Beatrice? That's your name?" Molly sneers.

"What did you think Tris stood for?" I retort, angry that she was picking another fight.

"Oh, I don't know, stupid maybe. Oh, wait, my mistake. That doesn't start with Tris."

"They don't seem nice," Robert whispers, "You know, if you wanted to go home I'm sure Abnegation would make an exception-"

"No," I state stubbornly, refusing to even think about the gray city. "Dauntless is my home now. Faction before Blood. This is what I chose." Robert gives me a dubious glance, and with a small pat on the shoulder, turns around and heads for the truck.

Four clears his throat and instructs the group to head back to the train tracks. Everyone complies, but Four stays behind them. I follow his example and soon we are walking about two yards behind everyone.

Guilt immediately stabs me. He doesn't know anything. It's terrible for keeping up this pretense, and every time I see him it gets worse and worse. I need to tell him soon, but it never seems the right time. Is there a right time to tell your boyfriend that his dad raped and abused you?

Toby's shoulders are tight, and I sigh. "What's wrong?"

"I don't like how he talked to you." I roll my eyes.

"It's not like I'm having a fling with him or anything. It's just the Amity happiness. Nothing you should be worried about."

Toby stops suddenly and touches my cheek. "How are you feeling?" I shrug.

"Fine, I've been through worse." I flinch, realizing what I just let slip. I begin to sweat, stressed out trying to find a reasonable response. Toby raises an eyebrow but says nothing.

"I love you." I look up at him, surprised by the sudden display of emotions. I grab his hand and squeeze it quickly.

"I love you too." He shook his head.

"No, you don't get it. I love you. I don't know what I would do if you were hurt because of me, or if something happened to you. I mean, gosh, it kills me just to see that bruise on your face." The guilt comes back. Each word is like a stab in my stomach.

"It's ok, Tobias. I'm fine. I'm here right where you can protect me. I love you back, nothing is going to happen to me." I look into his eyes sincerely, and he gives a tiny nod to reassure himself. I nod back, and we jump on the train.


	29. Chapter 29

Tris POV

Toby sure wasn't kidding when he said Dauntless training is brutal. Even though I've been practicing since I was 12, never at the intensity I am now. I fought Myra today. It was easy enough, she took a few hits and went down. Though I didn't get hurt, I wish I did. Hurting someone that week who didn't fight back makes me feel like Marcus. Makes me feel sick.

The second I close my eyes to sleep, the dorm lights flicker on. Blinking rapidly I sit up, glad that I sleep fully clothed.

"Everybody up!" A voice I recognize as Eric's says. My eyes search the group until they find Four. Our eyes lock, and I understand what he's trying to say don't worry. "You have five minutes to get ready and meet us by the tracks."

I slip on my shoes and quickly jog to follow them. Christina catches up to e a few minutes later.

"Gosh, TRis. ARen't you tired?" I realize that I'm way ahead of all of the transfers and blush. I'm used to midnight runs and training. They aren't

"Sorry, guess I was just caught up in the moment. Adrenaline, you know?" She smiles and nods. I slow down my pace, hoping it didn't cause too much suspicion. Honestly, everyone's probably too tired to notice.

We soon reach the train tracks, right after the Dauntless born. I spot boxes of guns and turn to Christina confused. She shrugs her shoulders.

"Everyone, grab a gun!: Eric shouts. I grab a gun and a box labeled 'paintballs'. I smile at the name, realizing that this is our ammunition. The gun is heavier and larger than the ones we normally shoot with, but it won't be hard to get used to. I sling it on my back and go to join the group.

A circle of light appears as the train approaches. Four is the first to jump on. I run after him, not waiting on Christina. He grabs my hand and pulls me up. I blush as I notice how defined his arm muscles are.

"Thanks," I whisper, Toby smiles back. He pulls me into a quick hug. I tense at first, before savoring the comfort of his arms. "I love you."

"I love you too," he whispers, letting go. I shiver from the sudden cold air. Without a second to spare Christina jumps into the car.

"Damn, Tris. You're fast." I blush from the compliment.

"Thanks," I mutter before leaving Four's side and joining her. Once everyone jumps in, Four speaks up and explains the game we are playing. Capture the Flag. At midnight. Typical Dauntless. My eyes and brain are alert as I absorb the rules. They seem pretty straight forward, and I find myself becoming more and more excited as they're explained. This is a true Dauntless game, a tradition. And I get to be a part of it.

Christina yawns, bringing her hand up to her mouth to try and muffle the noise. I'm once again reminded that these are ungodly hours to everyone else. I need to use that to my advantage. I need to win this game. Even though they say it's just a game, I know it's more than that. It's winning. That's big in Dauntless. It's like having the title first jumper. It's bragging rights, which are everything in Dauntless

Four and Eric begin picking their teams. Eric picks Edward first, no surprise there.

"I want the Stiff." Four states confidently. Shock ripples through me. I knew he would pick me, but why first? Wasn't that too obvious?

"Got something to prove? Or are you just picking her so you have an excuse when you lose?" I flinch. As much as I know his words aren't true, they hurt.

"Something like that," I cringe more. My body relaxes as Four touches the small of my back gently to remind me that it's just a lie. Another shiver runs down my back at our closeness. He's certainly being bold tonight.

Halfway through them picking Dauntless borns, I figure out their strategies. Eric is choosing the strong and broad people. The ones who would win a fight. But that's not necessarily true in Capture the Flag. From the sound of it, it's more about speed and agility. Four is choosing the small and fast people. The ones who can sneak around easily. Smart.

Eric lets us get off first. As soon as I prepare myself to jump I feel four hands push my back, unbalancing me and causing me to tumble out of the car. Instinctively I duck my head curl into myself. My breath is knocked out of me as I fall, and I give myself a second to regain it. Slightly shaking from the impact, I uncurl myself. Looking up, I see a tall Dauntless born standing in front of me, hand outstretched.

"Rolls are pretty advanced for newbies, maybe you should wait until you're an actual member before you go trying something like that." I roll my eyes and grab his hand. He pulls me up.

"It was instinct. I couldn't really prepare myself to be pushed out, could I?" He chuckles. I feel my cheeks heat up. Though it's dark I look down so he can't see them, and brush off my pants.

"True, I'm Uriah by the way," I look up again, noticing his features for the first time. He has brown skin with matching dark eyes. Handsome.

"Tris."

"I know. First jumper, the transfer who masters everything the day it's taught. It's hard to not know who you are." I blush again and look down. "Plus, Four's told me a lot about you." My head snaps up.

"What? He has?" Play it cool Tris, play it cool. But I thought we were staying a secret until after initiation? We begin to jog and catch up with everyone else.

"Yeah, he's pretty in love with you. He and my brother Zeke are pretty tight, so naturally, I know everything he told him," he snorts, "He also told me to find you at school. Watch out for you, try and connect before you transferred so you knew someone other than him coming in. I never found you though."

"I, uh, I homeschooled last year. Family stuff." Sweat begins to form and drip down my face. Toby knows I got pulled from school? That's not good.

"Well, it's good to finally meet you," he smiles, revealing two large dimples, "it must be hard for you and Four to hide everything, huh?" We've reached the back of the group by now, but no one pays us any attention. They're all arguing about strategies.

"Yeah, I guess. It's no different from back home though, so it's nothing new." Uriah grins and pushes me forward.

"Well then go talk to him while you have the chance!" I smile back at him, before pushing through the group and finding Toby.


	30. Chapter 30

Tris POV

Hey," I whisper. His tight face melts and turns into a small smile. I love that I can do that to him.

"Hey, are you ok? That looked like a bad fall." I nod.

"I've gone through worse." His face tightens again.

"I don't like that you have. Are you sure you're alright?" I open my mouth, but before I can reply a girl comes and lays her hand on his shoulder. My muscles tighten. Though I know I shouldn't be, I'm jealous. Her hair is thick and pretty, her chest is full and she has curves. The opposite of me.

"Where did you hide the flag when your team won, Four?" She blinks flirtatiously. I look away. Have girls been like this to him since he came to Dauntless? Who am I kidding, of course they have. I mean, look at him.

"Tell you wouldn't be the nature of the game, would it Marlene?" His voice is cold. She huffs away after he brushes off her hand.

"Navy Pier! My brother told me." Uriah shouts. The group nods, and unanimously agrees to head in that direction.

"Hey, are you ok?" Tobias looks at my worried. Realizing I'm still glaring at the ground, I look up.

"Huh? Yeah, fine." I shouldn't be jealous. I mean, I was just talking to Uriah who could just as easily be my boyfriend as Marlene could be Toby's girlfriend.

"I see you've met Uriah," Four mutters, obviously tense. I brush my fingers against his, hoping to calm him.

"Yeah, Zeke's brother right?" He nods, "He mentioned how you told him 'all about me'." I smile as a blush forms on his face and he rubs his neck.

"I didn't tell him all about you…"

"And how you are 'totally in love with me'," I continue. Somehow, Toby's face grows shades redder

"Well, it isn't a lie," I laugh, which causes him to grow even redder.

We eventually reach the Pier, where everyone beings to argue about strategy again. What would I do if they would listen to me?

We need to know where Eric's team is. The safest way to figure that out is to climb somehwere to spy it out. The Ferris Wheel.

Slipping away from the group I sprint to the Ferris wheel unnoticed. A large ladder leads from the ground to about halfway through the circle. Taking a deep breath I begin to climb, the metal cold underneath my hands.

I get about ten feet above the ground before a voice breaks the silence. "What do you think you are doing?" Toby's voice is clear in the quiet night.

"I don't think I'm doing anything. I'm climbing to get a better view." I don't have to look to know the exasperated look he is probably wearing on his face. I begin to climb again, though seconds later I hear another pair of shoes clanking on the metal bars. I freeze.

"What are you doing?"

"Following you. You don't think I would let you go up by yourself do you?"

"But...you're afraid of heights! You don't need to climb up. I'll be fine." Warmth crawls up my spine as his hands wrap around my waist. My breathing stops for a second. Even though we're barely above the ground, Toby's breath is already shallow.

"Undoubtedly. I don't know the next time I'll get the chance to be alone with you like this. Let's take advantage of the opportunity." He's willing to face his fears to spend time with me. My chest warms.

"What did I do to deserve you?" I whisper, "You're so brave." Toby squeezes my waist in response before reluctantly letting go. I begin to scale the ladder, occasionally looking back to check on Toby. The higher we get the larger my smile gets. The height is refreshing and freeing. I pause, listening to Toby's labored breaths.

"Are you alright?"

"Are you human Bea? Being up this high doesn't scare you at all?" The words come out in a panicked gasp. I sigh.

"Toby, go back down. This isn't worth it. You're terrified, I can't make you come up here with me." I'm not worth it. He chuckles a bit.

"You have no idea how much this is worth it, Bea," he takes another step up, "keep climbing, we have a flag to find."

And so we climb. Higher and higher. Eventually, we reach the top of the ladder. Carefully, I get off and stand on one of the sideways spikes that poked out from the center of the wheel. I sit down and begin to scan the trees for the other teams glowing flag. Toby soon sits next to me. I wrap my arm around his shaking shoulders.

"Hey, it's alright. I'm here, we're safe. You're god.:

"I know, but it's so high! Tris aren't you worried you'll fall? At all?" I shake my head. Touching his chin, I tilt his head so he's looking at me.

"Focus on me, alright? Don't look down, don't think about the height. Think about us." His breath slows down a bit, and his shoulders stop shaking.

"Did I tell you how pretty you look tonight?" I blush and took away, causing him to smirk, "You look even more beautiful in black than you did in gray. I didn't know that was possible." My cheeks grow hotter.

"You don't have to lie, Tobias," I whisper, "I know I'm not, it's ok." He shakes his head.

"How do you not see it?"

"How can you see something that isn't there?"

"I'm not going to win this, am I?" I shake my head. We sit in silence for a bit, looking for the flag. "I love you, Bea." He says suddenly. I look over at him, noticing how his dilated, dark eyes glow in the night.

"I love you, Toby." His face leans in. Pushing thoughts of Marcus away, I meet his lips. Joy and passion fill me. My fingers tangle in his hair, which he has grown out since Abnegation. His hands wrap around me, pushing me closer to him. For a second I forget. I forget the secrets that I have to hide, the pressure that I'm under. All that matters is him. It's perfect.

Tentatively, we break apart.

"I missed that," Tobias whispers. I giggle.


	31. Chapter 31

Tris POV

After looking around a bit more, I finally spot the flag. Pointing it out to Toby, he nods and starts to climb down. I wait a bit for him and then come down after him.

Halfway down, a rail breaks at my feet. A small scream escapes my throat as I dangle.

This is it. I can't hold on forever.

I jump in surprise as two familiar hands wrap around my waist.

"I got you," Toby

"What do I do?" Panic leaks through my voice. Stay strong, be strong, you're Dauntless. Prove it.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course," what kind of question was that? Would I have followed him to Dauntless if I didn't? Illegally train in the middle of the night for years with him if I didn't?

"Let go. I'll catch you and lower you where you can stand." Comprehending the plan, I slowly nod realizing that this scares him as much as it does me, if not more.

"Ok, one," Oh gosh, what if I fall? "Two, three!" I let go of the metal bar, relief flushing through my arms and hands. We tilt back a bit before Toby leads forward and guides my feet to a sturdy rail. We both breathe a sigh of relief.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"Anytime," he breathes back, "now let's get off this damn thing." I chuckle, waiting for him to continue down before following him. Slowly, we reach the ground. After what feels like forever, my feet finally touch the solid earth.

"This is better. Much, much better." I give a light breathy laugh, still in shock from what happened. "Are you alright Bea?" I nod and brush my sweaty hands on my pants.

"Fine. I'm just a bit shaken up, that's all. I'll be ok. We have a game to win."

"You got that right," Tobias says, laughter evident in his voice. As we walk back, Toby's face morphs back into Four's. Cold, hard, calloused.

"Where were you?!" Christina demands, "and what were you doing with him? Are you ok? You're not in trouble are you?" I shake my head, a grin forming at her concern.

"I-"

"While you were twiddling your thumbs and arguing, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel." Pride leaks through his stern voice, my grin widens.

"What? Why?" Four ignores Christina's question, and the rest of the group turns towards us.

"We know where the flag is. B-Tris, why don't you tell everyone your strategy?" My mind whirls as I piece together my ideas.

"Let's split. Four of us will head down as a distraction and keep their team busy while three of us go and get the flag. Anyone left will stay here and guard our flag in case some sneak away." Slowly, everyone starts to nod. They mutter between themselves and begin to find their friends and group together.

I end up in the group of three with Christina and Uriah. We nod to the group of four and sprint off to our destination. The cool air bites my nose, waking me up even more. The burn in my legs is familiar, a good friend that I'm glad to see, or rather feel in this case, again. I make sure to stay with Christina and Uriah, only a few strides ahead.

It occurs to me that only one of us will get the flag. And no matter what I did to get us there, it won't matter when we get there unless I'm the one who captures it.

We reach the end of the pier, and I immediately scan the area for the other team's blinking flag. It isn't too hard to find. A chorus of yells and the splats of paintballs begins. I take it as my cue to go after the flag. Sprinting as fast as I can, we charge towards the flag. It's nearly unguarded. Uriah shoots the only guard in the knee, and they throw their gun to the ground in defeat. I smirk.

The flag hangs in a tree, just above my head. If it was only me, I could climb it and retrieve the flag, but Christina is taller. Without thinking, she jumps and grabs the flag with ease.

"Come on Tris, you've already been the hero today." She says. Turning away from me, she waves the flag and gives a big woop of victory. Shaking his head, Uriah runs up to her and joins in. Pushing away my jealousy I join in. It's probably for the best like Uriah said, I've been gaining a lot of attention lately. That probably isn't good.

The shooting stops and our group join together in a huddle cheering together. Their joy is infectious. I squeeze out of the close circle, standing on the side occasionally joining in with their cheers.

"I know you didn't get the flag, but that doesn't mean I'm not proud of you." Startled, I turn around. Toby stands behind me, smiling. "You were great back there. Well done." I smile back, thanking him with my eyes. He gives my shoulders a small squeeze before leaving.

Though I didn't get the flag tonight, didn't get to be my team's hero, my time with Toby tonight made it all worth it.


	32. Chapter 32

Tobias POV

I wake up to the annoying sound of my alarm clock. Groaning, I hit the stop button multiple times before it shuts up. I slowly sit up and stretch, taking my time. Capture the flag last night lasted until two in the morning, leaving the transfers and me with a solid four hours of sleep if we were lucky. Exhaustion clouds my brain as I change into my training gear and head into my kitchen. I grab a cup of coffee and a bagel, not trusting my stomach with something heavy.

I walk towards the training room, my Four mask growing every step. The caffeine does its job, and by the time I reach the training room I feel as if I had a ten-hour sleep. It'll wear off by lunch, but hey, that's what the coffee bar is for.

The initiates don't have to be here for another half hour, however, Tris is already fighting a punching bag in the corner. I chuckle and shake my head.

"Why am I not surprised that you're already here?" I ask, throwing away my coffee cup. I head over to the supply closet and begin to take out the targets. The sound of fists against tough leather stop. "How long have you been here?"

"What time is it?" Her voice sends warmth down my spine. Footsteps echo off the walls as she walks over to me and takes out a target.

"Six-thirty," I reply, taking the target from her unwrapped hands. Dried blood is sprinkled against the pale skin of her knuckles. "Stop, let me do this. Wrap your hands before you hurt them more."

"It's fine, they barely hurt." She mutters. Heading back into the closet she emerges with another target. "Let me help you."

"Fine," I sigh, "and you never answered my question." I cross the room and begin to set up the targets. Bea lines hers up with mine and sighs.

"Well, I've been here since four, so two and a half hours?" I look at her.

"Bea, that means you only got two hours of sleep. That's not healthy." It reminds me of when I was in initiation. Nightmares kept me up for half the night, leading me to practice all morning in the training room to keep the disturbing images from my mind.

She simply shrugs. "I'm not that tired. Plus I got a little sleep before capture the flag, so really I got four hours. I'm fine." I shake my head.

"No, you're not. You had a hard night, four hours of sleep, and have already had a high-intensity workout for nearly three hours. Does that not seem the smallest bit insane?" By now I've set up all the targets, and have started to set up the knives.

Bea's small hand gently touches my shoulder. I twist around, my eyes meeting hers.

"You don't need to worry about me, ok? I'm alright, I feel fine right now. I want to make sure I can stay in Dauntless and I…I needed to let some frustration out. That's all."

"You know you can tell me anything Bea, right? Your problems are my problems, I've told you this before. I'm not going to judge you or be mad at you. I'm here for you." Her gray blue eyes flick back and forth, taking in my face. Carefully, I bring my hand up and cup her face. Her eyelids flutter shut, revealing her gentle eyelashes. "I love you," I whisper before bringing my lips to meet hers.

The kiss isn't harsh or passionate. It's gentle and reassuring. Slowly we both lean back.

"I definitely feel alright now," Bea jokes. I chuckle and roll my eyes.

"You have nothing to worry about Bea. You've been rocking initiation, and you're going to rock the lesson today. We're throwing knives." Her eyes brighten at the mention of the lesson and I smirk. It always was her favorite thing to practice. "I hope you kept practicing after I left."

"Of course I have." She groans, "I'm going to have to pretend I'm not good at it, aren't I?" I nod.

"Only for a little bit," I say, "Then you can rock it and blow everyone else out of the water." She chuckles. I glance at the clock, and then back at the door. The other initiates should be here any second.

"I'm going to go wash up a bit, wrap my hands like you said," Tris says. I nod and kiss the top of her head quickly before she leaves. I sigh before picking up four knives and facing a target. Taking a deep breath in, I am the knife and throw it on my exhale. Bulls-eye. Perfect.

"Good to know your aim hasn't changed at all." I roll my eyes and turn to see Eric standing behind me, arms crossed and smirk on his face.

"Do I really need to prove that to you? Why don't I just use your head as a target for the demonstration this morning." Eric's eyes narrow.

"Careful, Tobias, don't forget who's really in charge here. You aren't in any place to make threats." I flinch at his use of my name. Eric says it just like Marcus did, threatening and with hatred.

I walk towards the target to retrieve my knife and then walk back and put it with the other three on the rack. The initiates begin to walk in, and Tris goes to stand next to a girl with mocha skin...Christina, I think her name is. The one I yelled at on the first day.

Eric clears his voice before speaking, "Tomorrow will be the last day of stage one, you will resume fighting then. Today, you will learn knife throwing. Now take three knives and watch as Four demonstrates." No one moves, "Now!"

Initiates scramble for the daggers. I wince, scaring them into going this fast won't be good. They'll slip up and make a mistake. I watch for a moment as the initiates adjust to holding the knives. They aren't what they are used to, and will take awhile to get the hang of. Bea, I know, could hit bullseye on her first try. I'm hoping that won't happen.

Taking my time, I head to the knife stand and pick three up. Twirling one between my fingers, I stand in front of a target. Inhaling, I aim, exhaling, I shoot. Dead center.

A small smirk grows on my lips, and I repeat the steps for the remaining two knives. Eric grunts, annoyed at my success.

"Line up!" He yells. Each initiate takes a target and begins to throw. No one hits the target, or anywhere remotely close for a long time which is normal. Throwing a knife requires a force and aim that they haven't experienced yet. That doesn't soothe my pacing, and I settle behind Tris. She still hasn't thrown, probably figuring out how to look good without drawing attention to herself.

"Hey Stiff! Remember what a target is?" Her jaw clenches and her shoulders tighten. Before I can blink she's thrown the knife and it hits the target with a satisfying clunk. Bullseye.

Peter's knife misses his target once more, "Hey Peter, remember what a target is?" She says back. I hold back a laugh, though the realization of what she has done sinks in. She's made herself a target. Everyone in the room is staring at her, mouths open. Eric slowly walks over to her.

"Where did you learn that?" Her eyes turn cold, defiant.

"I just copied Four. You know, the instructor who actually teaches." My eyebrows raised in shock. An audible gasp spreads through the room. No one is throwing anymore, all eyes are trained on Tris. Please, Bea. Please just be quiet for once.

Eric leans in close to her, lips brushing her ear. I tense up.

"Careful, initiate." He stands straight once more. "What are you doing? I never said to stop!"

A half hour later, I've paced the room nearly fifty times and everyone has hit the target besides the Candor. And Eric is starting to get frustrated.

His knives either hit the floor or bounce off the wall. The next time he misses, Eric stalks up to him. I bite my cheek in anticipation. This isn't good.

"How slow are you, Candor? Do you need glasses? Should I move the target closer to you?" Eric yells straight in his face, and the poor kids face turns bright red. I would be surprised if he passes stage one. He's very close to the bottom, and from the looks of this, he is only going to get lower.

Al tries to throw another knife, but it misses again.

"What was that initiate?"

"It, it slipped," Al said. I shake my head. If you're going to make up an excuse at least think of a good one.

"Well, I think you should go get it." All other initiates immediately stop throwing, scared of what Eric is doing. To be fair, I am as well. "Did I tell you to stop?"

The soft sound of knives hitting the board begins again, though slower this time. Al says something quietly, and Eric replies. The silver piercing in his eyebrow moves as his eyebrows furrow together.

"No," All says defiantly. I'm surprised he has the guts to speak up to Eric. Just go get your knife kid. No one's going to hit you.

"Why not? Are you afraid?" Eric's beady eyes gleam.

"Of getting stabbed by an airborne knife? Yes, I am!" That was a mistake. He took it too far this time. Eric is pissed now.

"Everybody stop!" Eric yells. "Clear out the ring, everyone but you." Eric glares at Al. The initiates gather at the edge of the room, inching forward to get the best look. I notice Bea hides in the back, and I grimace. She doesn't want to see this any more than I do.

"Stand in front of the target," Eric hisses. "Four, can you give me a hand?"

Reluctantly, I walk over knife in hand. This is the last thing I want to do. My mind is foggy from exhaustion, the last thing I need to do is be a tool in Eric's wrath.

"You're going to stand there while he throws those knifes until you learn not to flinch."

"Is this really necessary?" It's not a smart move, I'm already on Eric's bad side for winning last night and for earlier. But I can't do this without standing against it. This is disgusting, I feel like my father.

"I have the authority here, remember? Here and everywhere else." I gulp, and turn towards Al. He is visibly shaking by the target. I grip the knives harder. This makes me sick.

"Stop it. " A familiar voice echoes through the room. I curse under my breath. Tris.

I turn around and look at her. She's pushed her way through the group of initiates. Fire burns in her eyes. Her hands are in tight fists.

"Any idiot can stand in front of a target, it doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying us. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice." I let out a breath slowly through my mouth. She just roasted Eric in front of the entire group for the second time today. She really needed to stop doing that.

"Then it should be easy for you if you're willing to take his place." No. No, no, no, no, no. I can't do this. Al is one thing, throwing knives at Tris? At Bea? The thought makes me want to throw up.

Slowly, she walks up. Giving Al a small reassuring smile before trading places with him at the target. She sends me a quick glance, I'm sorry.

Shaking my head, I stare at her trying to blur out her face. If I just pretend it's someone else, maybe I can do this.

"Are you sure, Stiff?" The nickname is like paste on my tongue, but I force myself to say it. I see her flinch, eyes turning cold.

"Ready when you are." I smirk. Twisting the knife between my fingers, I scan the target looking for a safe spot to throw first. Inhale, aim carefully, exhale, shoot. The knife hits the target with a clunk. I breath a sigh of relief.

"Eyes up here," I say, pointing in between my eyes. "Remember, if you flinch, Al takes your place." She nods, raising her eyes straight towards mine. My heartrate increases tenfold. Why did I think this was a good idea.

Inhale, aim, exhale, shoot.

The second knife hits closer to her, right above her head barely touching her hair. I see her breath a sigh of relief. My stomach clenches with guilt. Glancing at Eric I see him nod his head. It's my last knife, and I haven't hurt her yet. He'll make me keep doing this if I don't hit her.

Somehow, my worst fear is unfolding right here in the training room. I close my eyes and quickly try to think of the least painful place for me to hit. Her ear. Opening my eyes I stare at her, trying to apologize with my eyes. Breathing, I aim for her ear. The knife leaves my hand. Before I can turn away I see the shock in her eyes. The pain, the betrayal. It's too much for me to bare.

"As much as I would love to see if all of you are that brave, training is over. Pick up your knives and leave." Eric says, disappointment lacing his voice. The initiates drop their knives in a bucket to be wiped off and leave, Eric following them.

As soon as they are gone I run off to the bathroom. Leaning over a toilet my breakfast leaves me. My mind replays the last few seconds over and over. The blood dripping down her ear...the pain in her eyes...the betrayal.

Washing out my mouth I leave the bathroom feeling only slightly better. I doubt Tris stayed behind. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't talk to me again. What I did was sick...pathetic...cowardly.

"What the hell was that?" Her voice echoes louder this time. I turn to face Tris at the door. Blood streams down her ear, some starting to dry and some fresh.

"I'm sorry I-"

"No, sorry doesn't cut it. You threw a knife at my ear and cut me. Why? You didn't have to do it. You know, if you want to break up you could just tell me. You don't have to go out of your way to hurt me." I take a step back, shocked. Is that what she thinks?

"What? No, Tris, Bea, that's not it at all!"

"Then what was it? Because you looked perfectly fine doing it too! No guilt, remorse, nothing!"

"Don't tell me how I feel," I say, my voice low. "I just fucking threw up in a bathroom because I feel so guilty! And you want to tell me I did it without remorse?" Her eyes are wide by now, looking at me shocked. "Eric wants to hurt you, Tris. Oh, he wants to hurt you bad. You made fun of him twice today, in front of everyone. No one gets away with that. If I didn't hit you, he would have. And trust me, it wouldn't have been in such a painless spot."

"Painless?" I nearly roll my eyes.

"Yes, or nearly at least. Your Helix has very little nerves in it, so yeah it bleeds but it doesn't hurt much." I shake my head, "Fuck, Tris I feel awful! My stomach is clenched up so tight and gosh I just want too…" My head spins trying to think of something. Sweat drips down my neck, and I realize that I'm shaking. Tears begin to escape my eyes.

A small hand touches my arm. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I had no right to have said what I said."

"No, you had every right. I hurt you, on purpose. I should be expecting you to break up with me...I'm just like Marcus." We both flinch at the name. She shakes her head.

"No, you aren't. Tobias, you are nothing like that monster. Nothing." Her voice is determined and strong. "Look at me," my eyes find her gray ones, "I still love you, Tobias. I understand why you did it now. I had to right to yell at you before I knew the reason. It was stupid of me, and it hurts to know how much you are beating yourself up about this." I shake my head.

"I don't deserve you, Tris."

"And I don't deserve you. We could go through this for hours, but we won't get anywhere. Come on, let's stand up. There you go, do you need some water?" I'm shaking less now, and the sweating has stopped. nausea has disappeared, and my stomach has become less of a knot.

"No, but do you want to come to my apartment and get something to eat? You don't have training for the rest of the day, and you must be starving." She looks down for a moment. "Plus I could help you clean up your ear."

"Sure, I'll catch up with Christina and Will later. Let's get something to eat."

"If you had something planned-"

"No, it can wait. Let's have lunch." I give her a tight smile.

"Great, let's go."


	33. Chapter 33

Tris POV

I can't believe Visiting day is tomorrow. Will my mom come? Will my dad? Will Caleb? I doubt it, they didn't care about me in Abnegation, I doubt they would care enough to come visit me now. Especially Caleb. But what if they do? Should I introduce them to Toby? Reintroduce them really. If I do do I introduce him as my boyfriend?

What scares me most is the possibility of Marcus coming. He must be furious about me transferring, especially right after Tobias transferred. It not only makes Abnegation look bad but since he is a leader, all the blame lands on his head. I don't know what I would do if he comes. Facing him on my own isn't possible. I'm not strong enough. Physically maybe, but mentally I am too scared of him. Just thinking about him coming makes me freeze. Let alone it becoming a possibility.

Pushing my worries of tomorrow aside, I focus on the task ahead of me. I have to be in the training room in twenty minutes and I still have to get dressed. My lack of sleep finally caught up to me last night, and I fell asleep as soon as the dorm lights went out. Christina had to wake me up this morning before she left for breakfast. I would have to skip it to make it to practice in time, but since I was used to days without food a skipped meal wouldn't hurt.

Pulling my shirt over my head, I frown how tight it is before struggling to pull it off. I'll have to get one from the dorms in a bit. Hopping a bit, I try to pull my pants up past my calves. They won't budge. New muscles bulge out from my calf and thigh. I let the pants drop. I hadn't realized how much my muscles had grown the past weeks. Sure I worked out in Abnegation, and sure that kept my body toned and healthy, but barely eating once a day didn't help my muscles grow. Now with a proper diet and constant exercise, they are finally growing like they should. No wonder Toby looks so buff.

Sighing, I wrap a towel carefully around myself taking care to cover all my scars. The towel isn't long enough to cover my torso and all of my legs, but I pray no one will be in the room that will notice. Picking up my clothes I take a deep breath and leave the bathroom.

My stomach drops. Molly, Peter, and Drew are in the corner of the dorm talking and laughing. They look over as I enter the room, but I glance away trying to ignore them. Maybe if I ignore them they will ignore me.

I crouch carefully and awkwardly look through my clothes trying to find pants that would fit. There's that dress Christina bought me, but it's too short. Without leggings, the scars on my legs would show. And I don't have leggings that fit anymore.

After digging around I find a pair of baggier pants. I haven't worn them because they used to be too loose for training, but they should be fine now. Picking out a bra, underwear, and one of my larger black shirts, I turn around, one hand holding clothes and the other clutching my towel in a death grasp.

Peter stands right behind me. My hand nearly lets go of the towel as I jump back, only to find Molly and Drew blocking me from behind. I try and run but he blocks my path by slamming his hand against Christina's bed frame. I'm trapped.

"I didn't realize you were so skinny, Stiff," his voice is filled with malice. I cringe.

"In case you forgot, beat your ass, Peter. And I would gladly do it again if I had to," I try and sound brave, but my voice comes out in a weak tremble. They laugh. "Get away from me."

Peter chuckles, "I'm in control right now, Stiff. There's no escaping me. If you stop resisting, this will be much easier." Images of Marcus flash through my mind, and tears threaten to spill from my eyes. Peter and his gang start to creep closer. This is bad. Very bad.

I glance around, trying to find a path of escape. I could duck under Peter's arm and sprint for the bathroom. If I'm fast enough I might be able to make it.

"Look at her, she is practically a child," Molly scoffs, "do you even have boob's Stiff?" I flinch. Marcus had said nearly the same thing to me before he...raped me. My breathing quickens, my hands start to shake. I'm going to have a panic attack if I don't escape them soon.

"I don't know, she could be hiding something under that towel. Why don't we look and see?" Drew smirks, his eyes gleaming. I choke back a sob, memories of Marcus advancing towards me, ordering me to take off my clothes, ripping them off…

Stop. You need to run. Now. I duck and run underneath Peter's arm. Something grabs at my towel, but I'm running too fast to stop. It's too late. Peter's pulled the towel from around my waist, the fabric dangling from his fist. I gasp, cold air brushing against my naked body. Laughter erupts, and I run as fast as I can toward the bathroom trying to hold my clothes against my body. I know there's no use. They've seen me. The ugliness, the scars, the bruises, everything.

I slam the bathroom door, falling against it. A sob bursts from my throat. I thought Dauntless was going to be safe. I would be safe here, I expected to be hurt, but safe. I could escape my nightmares. Instead, I'm making new ones.

My breathing becomes erratic, tears stream down my face. I wrap my arms around my knees and squeeze them tight, not caring that I'm sobbing naked on the bathroom floor where anyone could walk in and see me. Who cares? They are going to tell everyone anyway. I try to control my breathing, but it proves useless. I can't stop. They saw me, they saw me, they saw me.

The cold tiles of the bathroom floor create chills that spread up my spine. Pushing myself up I pull on my clothes before releasing another sob. What even is the point of going to practice? Molly is going to tell everyone. Soon everyone will know me as the pathetic, abused Stiff. My secret is out.

In the midst of my sobbing, I don't hear the door open. "Tris? I-Fuck, Tris what happened?" Christina stands above me, tall, her dark hair falling in front of her face. Her voice startles me. I jump in surprise and scramble out of the way of the door. "What happened? Why are you crying? I saw Peter, Molly, and Drew in the dorm. They were laughing about something but I didn't know what." I take a breath, hoping to explain what happened, but I end up sobbing harder.

"Shhh, Tris, you're ok. Shhh, look at me." I cautiously look up at her. She's knelt down and sits next to me on the cold floor. "Deep breaths, ok? Focus on me, take deep breaths. That's it." Slowly, my breathing returns to normal thanks to Christina's coaching. "Now, do you think you can talk?"

"Yeah," I whisper, my voice hoarse from crying. "My clothes didn't fit. I-I had to get new ones to change into. I went out in my towel and they-they trapped me. I tried to escape but Peter he-he grabbed my towel." Tears roll down my cheeks and I begin to hyperventilate again. "They, they saw me. They saw everything."

"Shh, Tris it's ok. You're ok. Deep breaths, remember? Follow me," she helps me calm down once more. "There you go."

"I'm-I'm sorry," my voice is shaky and I hate it. I hate how weak I sound "I'm sorry I'm such a mess. You're late to practice because of me." Christina shakes her head.

"Four sent me to find you. Said it wasn't like you to be so last minute, which I agreed with," she glances at me, "I'm glad I did. He seemed to care about you a lot though. More than he does any of us. You have any idea why?" I blush and look down hoping she doesn't see it.

"No, no clue."

"Sure," she says sarcastically. "You're welcome by the way. Don't worry about it, you were having a panic attack it's hard to stop one by yourself. My little sister would sometimes get them, which is how I knew how to calm you down." I nod slowly. "Do you think you are alright to stand up? We have practice to get to, but if you don't feel up to it we can talk." I raise my eyebrows, talking is the last thing I want to do. " On a completely different note, I want to get a tattoo after training today. You should get one too. It might make you feel Dauntless." I roll my eyes but smile nevertheless.

"Alright," I whisper, "thank you. You're the greatest friend a girl could have."

"Of course. I'm sorry about being a bitch at Capture the Flag. My competitiveness got the best of me, I don't know what I was thinking. You totally deserved it." I shake my head.

"It's fine. I think you've already made up for it. Don't worry." She gives me a tight smile.

"Are you good?" I nod my head, "Alright, let's go. You have the last fight today so you should be fine."

"Who am I against?"

"Molly."

"Good"

"If you're-wait what?"

"I wish I could fight Peter again, but Molly is second best. I'm not letting her get away with what they did." Christina smiles and shakes her head with a chuckle. We eventually reach the training room. "Thanks again Christina. I really appreciate it."

"Anytime Tris. That's what best friends are for." I smile. It feels good to have a best friend. Maybe Dauntless will keep me safe after all.

As we walk into the room Christina gives me one last encouraging smile before going to stand beside Will. By the way their hands and shoulders brush from their closeness it's obvious they like each other though I'm not sure if either of them knows it yet. They're good for each other, I just hope it works out.

My eyes scan the room for Toby, and I find him leaning against a wall next to the board of our fights. I hesitate but eventually, I walk over.

The tension in Toby's shoulders relaxes as his eyes find mine and scan me over for injuries. "Where were you, initiate?" His voice is stern, but not harsh. I think back to our fight yesterday, I still feel terrible about it. I had been selfish then, I can't be selfish anymore. I can't risk it.

"I'm sorry, I-I got caught up in the dorms. I'm sorry."

"Sleeping in I expect," Eric says, approaching us. I gulp.

"I'm sorry sir, it won't happen again." By now most of the other initiates are staring at us. I'm not surprised. I'm cornered by both of our male, strict instructors. One of which can make me melt with a simple smile, the other whose presence makes me flinch.

"It better not," Eric's face leans closer to mine, his nose inches from mine. I can smell the stink of his breath. "Because if it does, I won't hesitate to throw you out. Got it?" I nod vigorously, not daring to breathe. "Good."

I let out a deep breath as Eric walks away from me and calls out the next fight, Al and Christina. Good, she won't get hurt. He'll take a few punches and will go down without a fight. She'll get a good ranking, most likely without a scratch.

"What really happened?" Toby asks quietly. I look up to him, his worried eyes meeting my scared ones. "I thought you were avoiding me, but-"

"Tobias," I whisper, making sure none of the initiates can hear. "I wouldn't avoid you. I don't do that." I couldn't do that.

"I know," he manages to say. His voice is filled with concern, making my heart clench, "which is why I was so worried." I sigh and shake my head.

"It's a long story, I'll tell you later."

"Midnight at the chasm?" I shake my head. Hurt flashes across his eyes.

"No, it's not that I don't want to talk to you. I do, and gosh I wish you could hold me right now and kiss me senseless. I'm exhausted though, and Visiting Day is tomorrow. I want to be awake just in case my mom comes." Or Marcus. He nods.

"Alright then, after Visiting Day tomorrow. I'll meet you after lunch?" I nod, a smile spreading across my face.

"See you then," I whisper, giving his hand a quick squeeze before walking over to Will.


	34. Chapter 34

Tris POV

Soon enough it's my turn to fight. Four calls my name, worry evident in his eyes. I give him a soft smile of reassurance before turning to Molly. She smirks at me, putting her arms up in the defensive stance Four taught us the other day. Anger and embarrassment returns from earlier. I clench my teeth.

"Was that a birthmark I saw on your left bet cheek? God, you're pale stiff." A fat, ugly smirk creeps on her mouth. I swallow.

"Shut up," I growl, but don't strike out. She always makes the first move, I just have to wait.

We circle the mat a few more times before she shuffles towards me and aims a punch. I duck, swiftly hitting her in the stomach before slipping past her and raising my guard up again. Easy.

"What about your back? Were those scars I saw?" My eyes widen and my guard slips for a second. She takes advantage of my shock by swiftly kicking my legs out from beneath me. I fall on the ground with a loud thump.

Get up, I yell inside my head. She can hurt you more down here. Get up, get up, GET UP.

"Did your daddy abuse you? Just like Marcus Eaton abused his kid? Hmm?" I freeze one knee on the mat and the other bent midway through trying to stand up. No, no, no, not now. I just stopped crying. I'm past this. "Aw, are you scared Stiff? Scared poor daddy is going to come back and beat you senseless? Just like your ugly ass deserves?" She aims a quick kick towards my side. I fall again, my side aching.

"Stop," I whisper. Pulling myself up, I weakly put my arms in front of my face. My exhaustion is starting to catch up with me as they begin to shake. Molly chuckles.

"Stop? No way Stiff. I am just getting started." She aims another punch, this time towards my head. I duck just in time, causing her to become unbalanced. Taking advantage of that, I run towards her pushing hard into her stomach. She falls, and I pin her down. I aim a punch towards her face, effectively knocking her out. I stand up, kicking her in the ribs one more time. Then I do it again. Fury overcomes me. I forget Tobias is watching me. All I can think about is that she just revealed my biggest secret to possibly the entire initiate group. Blood flows from her nose all over her face, but I don't care.

I pull my leg back again to kick her, but Four grabs my arms. Unable to resist his grasp, I relax.

"You won," he mutters, his voice dark. "Stop."

I brush my hands on my pants and look up at him. His eyes are wide, concerned.

"Forget talking tomorrow, we need to talk now," he whispers harshly, "about what just happened." I shake my head.

"Practice is over! Go have lunch. Someone bring Molly to the infirmary." Four yells. The initiates joyfully cheer before leaving, Drew lifting up Molly and following Peter out. Eric gives me an approving glance which leaves me feeling sick.

"What do we have to talk about?" I ask, hoping that I can get away by playing dumb. His hand is still wrapped tightly around my bicep, squeezing it. I barely notice.

"What the hell was that, Tris?" He yells, ripping his hand from my arm. "You knocked her out with one punch, but you kept kicking. If I hadn't stopped you you could have killed her!" I look down, too scared to look at him. My body aches, my hands cut and bloody.

"I'm-," no, I'm not sorry. She had that coming for her. "Things happened, Tobias."

"What happened?" He demanded. I finally have the courage to look up at him. "I'm sick of you keeping secrets from me! I thought we were in this together, but we barely talk! You keep these secrets stored inside you, never letting me help you with any of them," his voice drops to a low whisper, "is it because you don't trust me?"

"No, gosh no. Tobias, I trust you. I trust you with my life, with my future, with everything. I just…" Realizing there was no excuse I sigh and lean against a concrete pillar. "I was changing today and my pants and shirt didn't fit so I had to go back to the dorm to get new ones. Peter, Molly, and Drew cornered me in just my towel. I tried to escape, but they-they pulled it off." Tears threaten to fall from my eyes but I push them back. "That's why I was late. I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could and cried for I don't know for how long. Christina found me after you sent her to find me, she's getting suspicious of us by the way, and helped me calm down. She said I was having a panic attack."

Tobias ran his hand through his grown out hair. It's different than the Abnegation short that I'm used to, but I like it. I get the sudden urge to run my hands through it, but I ignore it. "And that's why you beat Molly senseless today? Because of that?" I nod slowly. "What was she saying to you up there? You froze again. It isn't like you to freeze like that. You're an adrenaline junkie, you go and don't stop until your adrenaline runs out."

"She just, uh, said some things about earlier. That's all. I was shocked, and she took advantage of it." He looked at me dubiously before wrapping me in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry Bea. I wish I could make this easier for you. You don't deserve this." I shake my head.

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault. I'm fine, I should be stronger than this. I'm pathetic." Toby's face grows hard.

"Stop saying that, Bea. It isn't true." He glances at my hands, and then at my side where I can already feel a bruise forming. "How about I help you get cleaned up? Then we can have a late lunch and you can go have fun with your friends before Visiting Day tomorrow." Though the mention of Visiting Day makes my stomach clench up, I nod.

"Thank you," I whisper, "I don't deserve you." He chuckles.

"No, you've helped me in more ways than I can count. It's only right that I help you now." I give him a small smile, which he returns before reaching for my hand and holding onto it tight.

After Tobias helps me wrap my hands and gives me ice more my side we grab lunch. We sit in the dark corner of the cafeteria where you can only see us if you look closely and eat our lunch silently, simply enjoying each other's presence. Once we finish our salads, he gives me a small kiss and one last squeeze of my hand before leaving.

"Love you," I whisper. A small smile grows on his face.

"I'll never get tired of you saying that," he whispers back, "I love you too Bea."

Afterwards, I head off to try and find Christina. She said something about getting tattoos earlier...maybe she's waiting for me at the tattoo parlor. Deciding to check there first, I throw away my trash and head off in the general direction of the parlor. I'm not really sure where it is, but it can't be too hard to find. After a bit of walking, I find the parlor. It's black like many buildings are in the pit. I walk inside, astounded by the variety of art. It has to be the most colorful place in Dauntless. Designs swirl around me, mixing with colors to create a pleasing atmosphere.

Relief washes over me as I see Christina studying a design. As I walk closer to her I see that it's a bird. It's simple, no colors or anything, but its simplicity is beautiful.

"I like that," I say. She jumps, nearly dropping the picture.

"Fuck! Tris, you scared me." I laugh and shrug my shoulders.

"Sorry," looking around I smile. "You were actually serious about getting tattoos today?" Christina's eyes light up.

"Yes! Here, let me show you the one I want to get. I want your opinion on it." I raise my eyebrow.

"Me? As in the Stiff with no life?" She laughs a nice sound. It's soft but pretty. Not too loud, but not too quiet either.

"I think you've proven that you're not a stiff anymore. Anyways, what do you think about this?" I look down at the picture. A flame which I recognize as the Dauntless symbol is black, and a bright orange bird rises from it. "It's called a Phoenix, it's a made up creature from hundreds of years ago. It stands for rebirth, and I don't know. I like to think it stands for being reborn in Dauntless."

Christina plays with her fingers, not looking me in the eye. She's worried about what my reaction will be. An easy smile grows on my face, "It's perfect for you, Christina. I think you should get it."

"Really? I'm so glad you think so. I'm going to go find somebody."

"Alright, I'll meet you at the dorms ok? Don't wait for me or anything." I say.

"You're getting one, right?" I nod.

"Yeah, I just want to find the right one, you know what I mean? It might take a while." She nods.

"Alright then, see you later Tris!"

After she leaves, I walk around the room a bit more. I feel drawn to the birds, though I'm not sure why. They stand for freedom...independence. I pick up the picture, suddenly getting an idea.

I bring the picture of the birds up to one of the helpers that are casually walking around the shop. "Hey, is there any way I could sketch something with these birds and have that as a tattoo?" When the lady turns around I instantly recognize her. She's the same person who led my test.

"Beatrice, isn't it? I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"You work in the tattoo parlor? I thought you did the aptitude tests? Also, it's Tris" She nods.

"I volunteer to lead those every year, I work in here for the rest of the time." Gesturing towards the picture of the birds, "What do you have there?" I hand her the picture and wait a moment while she inspects it. Explaining my idea to her, she nods and leads me to her office. Inside, there is a chair just like the one I sat in for my aptitude test. There's also a desk with lots of papers containing half finished sketches, and lots of multi color pens. Tori sits down at her desk and gestured to the chair next to it.

"Take a seat, make yourself comfortable. We may be here for a while." I nod and watch as she pulls out a pencil and begins to sketch out my idea. After a few minutes, she hands me her sketchbook. "What do you think?" Looking down, I gasp. It's exactly what I wanted.

"It's…perfect. How did you get it on the first try? That's amazing." She smirks.

"I've been doing this for a long time. Now, do you want colors?" I nod and specify the specifics. She nods and uses her colored pencils to shade it as I say. Handing it back to me, I smile.

"That's it. Can I get it now?"

"Of course, I just need to do a few things to prepare it and then we'll be ready to go." She closes the door behind her, leaving me with the notebook. Looking down again, I smile. It's perfect.

A gray birdcage is made of the words liberos, immunes, fortis, dignus in cursive. Supposedly they stand for free, independent, strong, worthy in an old language called Latin. Two of the black birds I picked out earlier fly from the cage, free from its clutches. The cage stands for Abnegation, and the two black birds are Toby and me.

Half an hour later, Tori returns with a bag of things. She sets up the machine next to me before asking where I want the tattoo.

"Um, could you do it on my shoulder blade?" She nods.

"Of course. Do you mind taking off your shirt for me?" My eyes widen. I shake my head. "Why not?

"I, uh, would prefer not to." Please don't force me to take it off. Please. She sighs.

"Well, I'm not sure there is any other way to get it on your shoulder blade then." I look down. "Hey, you were Abnegation. Did you know Tobias Eaton?" I freeze, how does she know Toby.

"Yeah, why?" I ask cautiously. She sits next to me on the bench.

"How well do you know him?"

"I guess you could say very well."

"Alright, do you know if the rumors are true or not?" I gasp.

"Uh, yeah. Do you?" She nods, letting out a large sigh.

"Yeah, I do. He transferred here you know. He came in here during his initiation and got a large tattoo to cover all the scars on the back. He had the same reaction you had." She glances at me again. "So I'm assuming you have the same problem he had."

I stare at her, speechless. My mouth opens and closes like a fish.

"I just want to let you know that you aren't the only one. That you can trust me, and that if you let it, this tattoo can be a part of your healing process." I think back to what Shauna said to me at one of our meetings the other day.

"You have to take control of your body again. For seven months he controlled your body. Now it's your turn to do something and take back control."

"Alright," I whisper. With shaking fingers, I lift my top up and over my head trying to forget the last time that I did this it resulted in a beating harsh enough to knock me unconscious. I lay on my stomach and take a deep breath.

"So, I'm thinking right about here," Tori whispers softly, tracing a circle on my right shoulder blade with a light finger.

"Sounds good."

"Right, let's get this over with then. It's going to hurt, but I'm sure you'll do fine."

Two hours later, and my tattoo is finally finished. I hear the snap of a camera, and sit up. Tori hands the camera to me.

"It turned out great, here." I take the camera and gasp. It looks even better than it did on paper. My skin is red, which explains the slight pain in my shoulder, but it was completely worth it. I smile.

"Thank you so much, this is perfect. How can I thank you?" She shakes her head.

"It was my pleasure. Helping you is thanks enough." I smile again and give her a tight hug. "Hey, Tris?"

"Yeah?"

"If you ever need anything, I'm always here. And I would try to find Tobias if you can. Talking to him will help." I give her a tight smile and nod.

"Thanks again."

"You're welcome. Come back soon." I nod.

"Of course." I leave her office, and head to the very bored looking cashier. I hand her the bill Tori gave me, and she quickly deducts it from my point balance. Giving her a small nod, I leave the parlor feeling more empowered than I had since before Toby left for Dauntless. Toby. I can't wait to show him the tattoo.

Talking to him will help.

I want to, no I need to. Just not right now. Not when everything is working out so well. No, I won't tell him, for now.


	35. Chapter 35

Tris POV

Visiting day has finally crept up on me. To say I'm anxious is an understatement. I wish I had time to talk to Shauna. She always makes sense of things and helps calm my anxiety. I'm starting to get more comfortable talking with her, and I always feel relaxed after our sessions. Maybe I'll see if I can visit her after today. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.

Everyone else has already left the dorms, leaving me alone with my thoughts. They're probably eating breakfast. I couldn't bring myself to go with them; the thought of eating still makes my stomach curl into knots. I'll have to go down to the Pit eventually, but I dread what I will see. Will there be someone clad in grey? In blue? Multiple people in grey? I would prefer none of the above.

Eric came in earlier warning us not to be disappointed if our family doesn't come, reminding us of Faction before Blood. Honestly, I would prefer no one come for me. Then I could enjoy my day off with Toby like I've been wanting to do all week. It's unlikely though. I guess I'll just have to wait until tonight to talk. I'm worried about that too, what if he asks about Marcus? What if he sees Marcus coming today? It would be disastrous, but it would also make telling him easier. I rub my eyes. Sometimes I'm too much for myself. Visiting day has kept me in a vicious cycle of anxiety for the past week, and I can't wait to get it over with.

I take a deep sigh as I push myself off the bunk bed. Might as well get the day over with. I'm probably working myself up too much; maybe it won't be too bad. I'll be fine as long as Marcus doesn't show up. If he does...I don't want to think about it. The chances are slim though. He didn't visit Tobias, so why would he visit me? It would be too much of an inconvenience for him.

I walk out of the dorms and head to the Pit. My eyes are immediately drawn to Tobias, whose standing against one of the walls at the edge of the pit. He glances up and gives me a small smile, easing my anxiety a bit. I walk down the steep steps towards the ground. People in all different colors fill the floor. Red, blue, white, and...grey?

I walk towards the person in grey, quickly recognizing them as my mom. A bright smile fills her face as she sees me approaching.

"Beatrice!" She exclaims, extending her arms. I fall into them, giving her a quick hug. It isn't every day an Abnegation hugs you. I can only remember hugging her four times in my life, this being the fourth.

"Hey mom," I mumble into her grey dress. The rough material is familiar, reminding me of home. Or what used to be my home anyways. "How are you?"

"I'm doing well, but let's not talk about me today. Today is your day. Tell me how you are doing." Though she says it in a light tone, her eyes portray the real depth of the question. I take a deep breath, a chance for me to gather my thoughts.

"I'm doing alright. I'm pretty high in the rankings, and I've made a few friends," and a few enemies I remind myself.

"And?" She raises her eyebrows and nods to the other side of the room. I follow her gesture and blush when I see Tobias watching us from against the wall. I give him a small wave, which he returns with a nod and a small smile. "You two seem to have found each other quickly. I'm glad."

"He's my instructor, so no one knows about us yet. But yeah, we've found each other. I missed him."

"I know," she says simply. "Have you told him?"

"About what?"

"Marcus."

The name alone sends chills down my spine. I shake my head. "Not yet," guilt bubbles in my stomach. "I will soon. I'm worried about what his reaction will be. I don't want him to hate me." Her disappointed look softens into one of pity.

"Beatrice, he can't hate you. By the way he is looking at you right now, it's obvious he wants to spend the rest of his life with you." I blush, "you're going to have to tell him sometime."

"I know, and I will. I-I have to accept before I can even consider telling others. Or really just him." She grabs my shaking hand in her warm one, calloused from years of community service. "I'm trying though. I've gotten a therapist, she's great. She's helped me a lot."

"I'm glad." Though her words are comforting, her eyes still hold worry. "Why don't you invite Tobias over here? I would like to talk to him." I start to shake my head but stop myself. If my selfless mom will go out of her way to ask for something, who am I to deny it to her?

I turn back to Toby and find that he is still watching us. I shake my head and wave my hand, beckoning him over. He raises his eyebrow in question, and I smile and wave my hand once more. He stands up straight, brushes his hands on his jeans, and begins walking towards us.

His hair is cut shorter than normal, he must have cut it this morning. His shirt is tight, showing off his abs and biceps. I blink and look away, feeling flushed. My mom looks at me with amusement.

"Good morning Mrs. Prior," Tobias says formally, bowing in the tradition Abnegation fashion. Mom bows back.

"Hello Tobias, It's good to see you again." A tight smile crosses his face.

"You too." I hook my arm into his and rest against his shoulder. I feel his muscles relax, and my mom smiles.

"Is there anywhere we could go to speak privately?" She asks politely. Tobias nods, understanding the serious tone.

"Follow me." I let go of his arm, taking his hand instead. "How are you doing Mrs. Prior?"

"I'm doing very well, thank you for asking Tobias. How are you?" He glances down at me, and his smile grows.

"I'm doing the best I have in a while, Mrs. Prior." He steps ahead, and I let go of his hand as he opens a door for us. "After you."

"Thanks," I whisper. He nods and steps in after my mom. The room is dark but lights up as we step into it. It reminds me of the lights in the training room back in Abnegation, how they were motion activated. A few tables sit in the middle of the room, and multiple chairs are stacked along the walls. A storage room.

"Is this alright?" Toby asks. My mom looks around.

"Are there cameras?" Tobias nods, pointing towards the camera in the top corner of the room.

"There are only two rooms in the compound without cameras, besides in the apartments. They are on the other side of the compound though, and no one ever checks this camera. I work in the Control Room, if necessary I can delete the footage from this meeting afterward."

"Thank you, Tobias. I would appreciate that." He nods. "Alright, we might as well get to business." Tobias pulls out a chair at one of the tables, and gestures for her to sit. As she sits he pulls out the next chair for me. I blush, and he lightly chuckles.

"It's way too easy to make you blush," he whispers, causing me to blush more.

"You two are so cute," I blush even more. Tobias laughs and sits down in a chair next to me.

"Thank you, Mrs. Prior. Now, about this business-"

"Please, Tobias. Call me Natalie."

"Alright. Natalie, what exactly would you like to talk about?" She glances at me and raises an eyebrow. I'm giving you a chance to tell him. I shake my head and she sighs.

"I need to talk to you about Beatrice." He gulps, and I shrink into my chair. Not this, not now. She laughs. "Not in that way, at least not yet." She adds. "Before I tell you this, I need to be absolutely sure you are committed to Beatrice, Tobias. That this isn't some fling."

Toby's face scrunches up in confusion. He shakes his head and grabs my hand underneath the table. I give it a small squeeze, slightly worried about the answer myself.

"No ma'am, I can promise you this isn't some fling. I truly believe Beatrice is the one for me. I love her, and there isn't anything that can stop me from loving her." Heat fills my face and I know I'm blushing again. I can practically hear her telling me I told you so. She nods, satisfied.

"That's what I thought," he squeezes my hand again, "Beatrice, I'm going to ask you something. Promise me that you will answer it truthfully?"

"I promise."

"Are you Divergent?" It feels as if Peter just threw me on the fighting mat. All the air is knocked out of my lungs. What do I say? Tori told me not to tell anyone. But this is my mom and Toby. If I can't trust them, I can't trust anyone.

"You can trust us, Bea. We aren't going to tell anyone." Toby whispers, his lips brushing my ear and sending chills down my spine. I gulp.

"Yes," I expect shouts, anger, surprise. Instead, I simply get a nod from my mom.

"I thought so. Alright, Tobias, if I'm correct stage two of training starts soon?" He nods, surprised.

"Yes, ma'am. It starts tomorrow. How-"

"Tobias, promise me you'll watch out for her. Teach her how to make it through the simulations. Delete her footage. Protect her." Her voice is desperate but determined. Tobias nods. A look of understanding passes between them.

"Yes, ma'am. With my life." She nods.

"Good. Beatrice, listen to me." Her warm eyes have turned hard. She isn't kidding around. "Follow exactly what Tobias says. I don't care if you want a better score, you need to stay safe. Stage two is when they begin to look for the Divergents. If you aren't careful they will find you." I nod, and just now realize that I've been squeezing Toby's hand in a death-like grip. I let go and give him an apologetic look. He shakes his head and grabs my hand again before giving it a squeeze. Relieved, I turn back to my mom.

"Mom, how do you know all of this?" I have my suspicions but-

"I was raised Dauntless." She chuckles at Tobias and I's shocked faces. "I transferred to Dauntless after I fell in love with your father. I guess my Dauntless genes were passed on to you." I grin. "Well, your dad is going to be wondering what's taking me so long. I should get going."

"Why didn't he come? Did he go to visit Caleb?" Does he still hate me? No, I remind myself, he loves you. He took you from Marcus. After seven months.

"Your father has been very selfish lately, Beatrice. He didn't want to come with me, he claimed you needed to get used to Faction before Blood." I nod, not even disappointed. A sick feeling of relief washes over me.

"Alright. That's fine." Tobias looks at me worried, but I ignore him. "Thank you for coming mom. I've missed you.

"I missed you too sweetie. I'm so glad you're fitting in. I can tell you belong here. I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, mom." She opens her arms once again, and I lean into her warm embrace for the fifth time in my life.

"He really loves you, Beatrice, don't keep this from him for much longer. He cares for you. Trust and honesty is everything in a relationship. He's good for you, I approve." I pull back.

"You do?" She nods, smiling. "Good. Do me a favor and be sure to tell him that. I can tell have you and dad's approval is important to him, even if he won't admit it."

"I love you, sweetie. Don't forget what I said."

"I won't. I'll see if I can visit you after initiation. If not, I'll see you next year. I love you too." She nods and giving Tobias and me one more amused and happy look, leaves. As soon as the door closes he turns to me.

"Are you alright?" His change in tone startles me. The way he can change from Four to Tobias in a split second still amazes me.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" He shrugs.

"You probably won't see her for a year. Most people are sad when they say goodbye to someone they care about."

"Oh, um, last year we kind of grew apart. We made up and I still love her, but we aren't as close. It's not as hard to say goodbye." Wow, good job at being unsuspicious Tris. Now he's going to ask what made you grow apart. His eyes narrow. He doesn't believe me.

"Ok." A nervous look crosses his face briefly. "Hey, I need to ask your mom something. Do you mind if I go catch up on her real quick? I'll meet you in the chasm later, it shouldn't take long." Confused, I nod.

"Yeah, alright. What do you need to ask her?"

"Oh, um, nothing important. I'll tell you later." The response surprises me. Tobias hasn't kept me in the dark since he told me about Marcus years ago. What is so important that he feels like he has to keep it from me? I'm tempted to pry further, but I hold myself back. It wouldn't be fair, seeing that I'm also keeping something from him. Trust and honesty are everything in a relationship my mother's voice echoes in my head.

"Alright, I'll see you later I guess." His mouth opens as if he was going to argue against something before he made a sound. I smile; the face is quite comical.

"Uh, yeah. Bye." I wave as he leaves, a small part of me concerned about whatever he has to ask mom. He's going to tell you later. There's nothing to worry about.

I still worry.

Deciding to take a walk I leave the room and enter the crowded pit. People in the various faction colors surround me, black taking the majority. I look around in hopes of finding Christina or Will or at least someone familiar. Now that Toby was gone, the fear I felt early begins to creep back, and my breathing begins to quicken. I walk faster and try to convince myself that I'm being completely irrational. Marcus probably has an important meeting today, one that he is attending with my father. There's no way that he would come visit me. He's probably forgotten-

"Ah, Beatrice. I was hoping that I would find you here."

Tobias POV (HAHAHA EVIL POV CHANGE :D)

I haven't kept anything from Bea since that night in Abnegation when I told her about Marcus. I feel awful for doing it, yet I know I have to. She's keeping something from me, I know she is. I'm not mad about it, not really. She has her reasons, and she would only keep something from me if she was scared. Which scares me. I don't want her dealing with that on her own. Not when we are finally together.

I rush through the crowd of people in the pit. The normal black crowds are replaced with specks of white, blue, and the occasional red. I'm focused on finding one grey speck. Hopefully, she hasn't left yet, these crowds are suffocating. It would take her a while to get through. Especially with the Abnegation habit of putting everyone before you, she wouldn't have been able to make it far.

At the edge of my vision, I see a grey robe. Twisting my head around I try to get a better look. There. Across the room near the staircase. I push against the person in front of me, desperate to reach her before I lose her again.

"Hey, mister! What do you think you are doing?" I turn around. A candor man stands behind me, face red. His son stands next to him, blushing.

"Dad, that's my instructor Four. You know, the one who nearly shot that guy in the head."

"Oh, um, excuse me, sir. I apologize." I nod my head in response and turn back to the staircase. I don't need to push anyone else; I'm known, or rather feared, by enough people that they part for me automatically. Normally the power annoys me, but right now I'm extremely grateful for it.

"Mrs. Prior! Natalie!" I call out, rushing towards her before she ascends the stairs. She turns around and scans the crowd, looking for who called out her name. "Mrs. Prior!" Her eyes catch my frantic ones and she pauses.

"Tobias, what do you need?" Her voice is hushed but urgent. "Why aren't you with Beatrice?" Her eyes scan the crowd and worry begins to creep into her voice.

"She'll probably want to meet some of her friend's parents. She'll be alright." Still looking unconvinced, Natalie nods. "As for me, um, I had a few things I wanted to ask you without Bea." She raises an eyebrow.

"Tobias, I already told her that I fully approve of you two. If that's what this is about-"

"I was wondering about-wait, what? You approve?" She chuckles at my shocked expression.

"Yes, I told Beatrice before I left. I assume she didn't tell you. She said you would be worried about our approval, I had assumed when you called me that that was what you were seeking." My eyes widen. Bea had read my mind once again. Not that seeking their approval was something I had been dying to do. Honestly, I hadn't even thought about it until now. I didn't realize how much I had wanted their approval until now. Somehow, Bea knew what I wanted before I even did. Gosh, that sounds cheesy. I bow my head.

"Thank you, Mrs. Prior-er, Natalie. I really appreciate that."

"Of course Tobias. I know you'll be good to her. No matter what you tell yourself, she does deserve you." I open my mouth to protest, but she continues before I can say a word. "But if you hurt her, don't doubt for a second that I won't contact all of my Dauntless connections and make your life a living hell." I flinch. Abnegation don't make threats. If they are breaking the rules to threaten you, you know that they are serious.

"No, ma'am. I wouldn't dream of it." Rather, I have nightmares about it. Thanks for that Marcus.

"Of course not. You're a good man Tobias." Red tints my cheeks. "Now, what was it that you were going to ask me?"

We've moved to an isolated hallway be now. It's a bit narrow, but not enough for my claustrophobia to kick in. A camera is at the end of it, but we stand far enough away from it that it won't pick up any audio, and our images will be too blurry to be recognized in the control room.

"It's about Bea. I'm worried about her. She's been acting weird since she transferred. She isn't herself. I was wondering...is there anything that happened after I transferred that would have caused her to act this way?" Please say no. Please say I'm making this all up.

Natalie stiffens. No, no, no. Please don't say yes. Please don't tell me it's Marcus.

"Yes, there was something," she says hesitantly. I sigh and nod, dragging my hand over my face. "I want to tell you, but I feel like she should be the one to tell you herself."

"Natalie, I would hate to argue with you over this but I don't think Bea is going to tell me. I'm going to find out soon from her fear simulations, and I would rather talk to her about it beforehand than have to watch it unprepared."

"Have you tried to ask her about it?" I nod.

"Yes, but all she says is that she's fine. She's come to practice at 4 am after going to bed at 1 because she couldn't sleep. Only I am up that early, and that's because of my nightmares. You saw her today, she has had those bags under her eyes since she got here. They are only getting worse too." I rub my face again. Watching her struggle through this alone is driving me insane. She won't let me help and it feels like a kick in the stomach every time I see her walk in the training room looking like she has seen a ghost and shaking like a leaf. Whenever I try to hug her she becomes stiff and flinches. When I ask her about it all she says is 'sorry' and changes the topic. I can't do it anymore. I can't." I shake my head and push back the tears that are threatening to spill. I can't cry in front of Bea's mom. I can't. "It's breaking me, Natalie. I can't watch her suffer by herself anymore. She doesn't deserve this. I want to take the pain from her, I want to know what's causing her to be like this. Bea is strong, stronger than I'll ever be. To watch something break her like this and not know what it is...it's unbearable."

Natalie looks at me for a while, and I can only wonder what she sees. A man who is hopelessly in love with her daughter? A mess? Both?

"I think you already know what happened, Tobias." She whispers. I freeze.

"Marcus?" The name is a whisper on my lips. Shivers go down my spine. Please, laugh. Tell me that's ridiculous. Tell me I'm dreaming and that Bea is fine. Tell me it's homesickness, doubt, anything.

For some reason the universe hates me. It put me with an abusive dad for half of my life after my only loving parent faked her death, and now, the one thing that I ask of it, the one thing I beg and pray won't happen, happens.

Natalie nods.


	36. Chapter 36

Tris POV

Shivers crawl up my spine, and my body immediately begins shaking. No no no no no no no. This can't happen. I turn around, and my worst fears are confirmed.

"Marcus." My mouth has gone dry, and my voice is hoarse and shakey. "Wh-what are y-you d-doing here?" A sadistic grin fills his face. I hate that my fear is feeding his satisfaction.

"You've been a naughty girl, Beatrice. I came to teach you a lesson." I cringe away from him. He always said that before his worst beatings. "Come with me. If you make a single sound, I'll be sure to pay Toby a visit too. Understand?" I nod and try not to wince as he harshly grabs my arm and drags me along after him. That's going to bruise tomorrow...I'll have to wear sleeves for a while to hide it.

As Marcus begins to walk down a dark hallway, presumably to an office that he has already with no camera's, a familiar voice calls out.

"Hey! Who are you, and what are you doing to Tris?" Uriah.

Marcus glares down at me as if this was all my fault. His grip on my arm somehow tightens. I try and mask the pain in hopes that somehow Uriah leaves us alone. He can't drag himself into this mess. It only leads to pain and is rarely ever worth it. Nothing is ever worth it when it comes to interacting with Marcus.

Uriah rushes up to me when my attempt to mask the pain in my arm fails. I flinch, knowing this isn't going to go well with Marcus. Every second Uriah is trying to help me is another minute of torture later. I shudder.

"Tris, what's the matter? Why are you with him? Are you alright?" I look up to Marcus, silently asking him for permission to speak. He gives me a small nod.

"I'm fine, Uriah. Don't worry. Mr. Eaton and I just need to talk. I'll be alright." I try to keep my breathing at a normal pace and calm down my racing heart. Sweat begins to shine on my skin. My lie is awful, but he has to take it. "I'll catch you in a bit, alright? I don't want you to waste your family day on me."

Uriah glances at Marcus, whose face has turned from one of anger to one of complete relaxation. I hate how he can do that. It makes him look so reliable and trustworthy. In this case, however, I'm grateful. It makes my terrible lie look somewhat credible.

"Why does he have to hold your arm so tightly if all you want to do is 'talk'?" I cringe. He's caught us. "And why do you keep flinching?"

"I simply wanted to show Beatrice a place to talk. She doesn't know this side of the compound as well, and I didn't want her to get lost." Marcus saves me.

"Tris knows the compound perfectly fine. Let go of her arm. Now." Uriah's voice has gone deathly quiet and still. Marcus gives me a subtle look to remind me of his threat earlier before he releases my arm. I hope Uriah doesn't notice the red marks that will form bruises in the next hour or so. "Tris, you can come home with me if you like. I can," he gives an untrusting look at Marcus, "help you."

All I want to do is say yes and run away from the monster who is standing behind me. Marcus's breath sends a shiver down my spine, and his hand on the small of my back is a reminder that if I do anything against his will, Toby will be hurt.

After a moment of thought, I shake my head slowly. "Thanks, Uri, but really, we just want to talk. I'll check up on you later, alright?" Still unsure, Uriah nods.

"Alright, I'll-I'll leave you to your reunion." He begins to walk away, turning around once as if to reassure himself and then runs off. Marcus grabs my arm once more and leads me further down the hallway. Uri was one of the first people I've seen that defied Marcus. I doubt that he recognized Marcus, but I hope he will at least stay away. He is already under Marcus's radar for challenging him. If anything were to happen to Uriah because of this...I don't want to think about it.

"Keep up bitch," Marcus's breath is hot against my neck and sends a shiver down my spine. I begin to feel nauseous as I follow him and the reality of my situation starts to sink in. He's leading me to an abandoned room without cameras as far away from Toby as possible. No one is going to find me. I'm on my own with Marcus. He's going to be able to do whatever he wants and get away with it.

I'm sure to keep my mouth shut, afraid to speak in case I say something wrong. You never know with Marcus. We walk to the end of the hallway, where he roughly pushes me through the last doorway and closes the door behind us. Propping a chair underneath the door handle, he turns to me.

"Now, Beatrice, we can finally have some fun."

My hands clench into fists, as I try to hide how hard they are shaking. He knows how much he scares me, and it satisfies him. I may not be able to control what he does to me, but I can at least pretend he doesn't terrify me to death.

Marcus circles around me like a predatory animal. His eyes stare lustfully at my chest, and all I want to do is crawl into my skin and disappear. "Now, where to start? There are so many options and so little time…"

Please, hit me. Punch me. Kick me. Anything but rape me. Maybe Uriah decided to come back for me. Maybe he followed Marcus or went to get Toby. Toby's the last person I would want to know about this, but right now I wouldn't even mind if Eric came to save me. Well, that's controversial. If he came, he might decide to join Marcus…

Marcus's sharp fingernail catches on the soft flesh underneath my chin, scraping it ever so gently. "I think we'll start with your lesson. Then we can have some...fun." I flinch as he grabs my already bruised arm and throws me onto the ground. A small gasp escapes my mouth. Marcus clucks his tongue in disgust. "My, Beatrice. For being Dauntless, you sure have grown weak." His eyes glimmer with sick excitement. "You know the drill."

Nodding slowly, I pull off my shirt. The harsh underground air of Dauntless hits my back, as I expose my well worn back. My back tenses as Marcus slides his belt from his pants, drawing out the process long enough for me to shiver in fear and anticipation. Soon enough, pain embraces me like an old friend as the belt whooshes through the air and the familiar searing pain laces up my back. Tears sting my eyes, but I hold them back. I can't give him the satisfaction of my pain.

"What is this for, Beatrice?" His voice is cold and malicious, though it holds a hint of satisfaction. As if he enjoys this. He probably does.

"To...to teach me a lesson." The belt comes down again, harder this time. If I don't give the right answer, he's going to switch sides and hit me with the belt buckle. The familiar words bubble out of me like they have a hundred times before. "I have been selfish. I transferred out of Abnegation. I ruined your reputation. I deserve all of this and more."

"That's right." Another hit, but no belt buckle yet. Maybe this time won't be as bad. "And what exactly do you deserve."

No matter what I say, the result is going to be the same. Uriah already pissed him off earlier. Right now was not the time to test his patience. Not when he had an undetermined amount of alone time with me.

"The...the belt buckle." My voice is strained, and I'm surprised that Marcus actually hears me. I hear the sound of the belt as Marcus flips it in his hand and I brace my back for the harsh impact. If he's already using the belt buckle, it won't be long before I fall unconscious. Then he'll either leave me alone or rape me. Again.

"Good girl. See, you are finally learning Beatrice." I remain still, waiting for the belt buckle, but it never comes. Instead, I receive a sharp kick to the side. The wind is knocked out of me, and I gasp, desperate for air.

I roll over onto my stomach. Exposing my stomach would just mean more pain. Though it won't matter soon anyway. Black has already begun to tint my vision. Blood soaks through the thin straps of my bra, but it won't matter soon. Marcus will rip it off anyway.

Marcus's boot presses into my back, and I hold back a scream. The dirt and grime sink into my cuts and the tough rubber digs into the fresh sores as he presses down harder and squirms it around. More black dots fill my vision. What did I ever do to deserve this? Why does the universe hate me so much? I thought transferring to Dauntless would keep me safe from him. I shouldn't have been so hopeful. I should have known he would have come back. I should have prepared. Instead, here I am, pressed up against the cold stone floor of Dauntless bleeding out as my attacker prepares to rape me. He gives a few half-hearted hits with the belt buckle, which wouldn't have hurt besides the fact that my entire back is torn up at this point.

After he gets tired, Marcus resorts to kicking me a few more times before picking me up by my ponytail. Why was I stupid enough to wear one today of all days?

"Have you learned your lesson, bitch?" I'm frozen in fear. My limbs have completely locked up, my mouth has gone dry. I can't talk or do anything but hope I will pass out soon. Marcus's calloused hand slaps my face, breaking me from my thoughts. "Answer me bitch."

I open my mouth in an attempt to reply, but all that comes in nausea. I quickly close it. Throwing up on Marcus would not be the smartest move.

"Going to be quiet today, are we?" Marcus throws me back on the floor. My head hits the stone with a loud bang. "Do I need to remind you what will happen to your precious Toby if you don't start obeying?" I shake my head quickly.

"No sir," I say with a hoarse voice. Blood from my busted lip coats my mouth, making it difficult to speak. "I've learned my lesson."

"Good, because I'm getting impatient. Let's have some fun now, shall we?" I freeze again.

"No," I gasp, "Please, no, no. Anything but...please kick me more. Punch me more. Kick

me more."

Marcus draws out a knife that I recognize from the training room. How he got it, I don't know. I honestly don't want to know.

"Now Beatrice, I know you enjoy this as much as I do. And I know you don't want

Tobias to get hurt. So let's make this quick and simple alright?"

I shake my head but do nothing to stop him as he continues to pull off my pants and I dissolve into painful darkness.

Uriah POV

Tris and that man don't sit right with me. The look on her face and the way he was grabbing her arm didn't seem at all friendly. She looked almost scared of him. Like he was scaring her into saying what he wanted her to say. She didn't look fine at all. She looked terrified.

I felt awful for leaving her there.

But that's what she wanted, right? That's what she had practically begged me to do, leave them alone. One thing I have learned though is that sometimes what people ask and what people want are two entirely different things.

After walking away I had turned around quick enough to catch a glimpse of the man, Mr. Eaton Tris had called him, leading her down the hallway. One of the only two hallways in the compound with a room without cameras in the compound. Sketchy, but maybe he just didn't want them overheard.

Four was from Abnegation. If he knew Tris, maybe he knew Mr. Eaton too. I try to convince myself that he is probably her uncle or someone, but I can't shake the bad feeling I get when I think about that dangerous look he had in his eyes...Making up my mind, I jog across the compound to the Pit. If he's following instructions, he should be there meeting the initiate's parents.

Halfway to the Pit, Four comes running toward me. Terror and sheer panic run wild in his eyes. He stops before crashing right into me, and I lightly chuckle.

"Woah, man, what's up?"

"It's Tris. Have you seen her? I need to find her."

"Uh, yeah. I saw her earlier with someone on my side of the compound." Four's eyes narrow and his shoulders tense even more.

"What did he look like?"

"Um, typical Abnegation I guess. Baggy, grey clothing. Grey hair. His name was Mr. Eaton she said. I was actually about to come find you about him."

Tobias POV

"Mr. Eaton?" I whisper underneath my breath. "Fuck, he's already got her. Uriah, come with me. Now. Run the fastest you have ever run before." Without another word, I take off towards his house. It's no surprise he would take her there. It had one of the two hallways without cameras in the compound. The perfect place to teach someone a lesson.

I cringe at the thought of Tris having to go through what I did. Through the pain, the hunger, the fear. She of all people didn't deserve that. No wonder she had been so weird since she got here. She's been hiding it from me. Protecting me from finding out. I hate that she thought she had to do that, that she didn't feel comfortable confiding in me.

Once Uriah catches up with me a few minutes later, he begins asking the inevitable questions. I can't bring myself to answer in more than a few words. All I can focus on is getting to Tris as fast as possible.

"So do you like know this dude or something?" I grimace.

"Unfortunately, I do."

"Is he trouble for Tris?"

"Yes."

"Like, a minor bruise on the face trouble? Or like, I need to start calling the infirmary trouble?" Even the thought of a bruise on Tris's face because of my father makes me cringe. I run harder, ignoring the burning in my lungs and exhaustion in my legs.

"Depends on how fast we get there." I try to keep my breathing even, but eventually give up. There's no way I will be relaxed until Tris is safe, in my apartment, away from Marcus. "How long ago did you see them?"

"About a half hour ago."

"Shit. Ok." My brain whirls. Uriah can't see Tris in that room. By the time we get there her back is going to be torn apart by lashes. That will only raise more questions. But he already has questions. Tris wouldn't want him to see her that way. Hell, she won't want me to see her that way. "Can you rent one of the compound's buggies? The control room has access to two. Have your brother rent one out, tell him that I told you to and I'll pay him back later. Then drive it over to the hallway you saw them walking down, and I'll meet you with Tris. Can you do that?"

"Uh, yeah." He turned around and began to run right as I ran forward. Every step was a step closer to Tris. I can't help but think back to my worst beatings. They felt like hours, but looking back, I realize most of them were only twenty minutes. The worst one was almost an hour. If Tris has already been with him for half an hour, then it takes fifteen minutes for me to get there...I don't like thinking about what he can do to her.

The familiar cluster of Dauntless-born houses comes into view, and a slight tension relaxes in my chest. I'm close. I'll get to her soon. Maybe I'll get the chance to beat up Marcus while I'm at it. Beating me up is one thing, but beating up Tris...that was completely different.

As I get closer, I can't help but feel a growing sense of dread and anxiety grow in my stomach, joining with the already large ball of panic and fear. There are rare moments where I allow myself to feel fear. I can ignore it when I'm walking twenty feet above the floor, or when I'm in a small room. But now, as I'm running to the only person who gave a shit about me, the person who is currently being beaten up by my father, I can't ignore that fear. It overwhelms me. Fills every limb in my body. And I can't ignore it.

My hands are shaking, and my breath is much faster then it should be. I need to calm myself down for Tris. I have to try, for her.

The hallway is dark, and there have to be at least a dozen doors along it. Thanks to my hours in the control room, I know the exact one that I'm looking for. 16F.

For one dumb second, I try to open the door with the handle. Unsurprisingly, it's locked. My shaking hands dig through my pockets, searching for my keys. I pull out the emergency ring that I had taken from the control room earlier. It was a skeleton key for all the main rooms we had access to as control room members. I had never used it before now, and I find myself praying that it works.

The click of the key in the lock does nothing for the ball of dread in my stomach that is slowly making me nauseous. I push open the door and scan the room for Marcus and Tris. Marcus is nowhere to be seen. Tris, however...

I hear a faint groan from the corner, and I walk over, anticipation building in my chest. I push away a few boxes to clear space before I see her. Tris.

She's bloodied, bruised, and naked. Her slight form shivers in the small pool of blood that surrounds her. Without hesitating, I pull off my shirt and gently ease her up from the floor. I pull my shirt over her head, trying to be as careful as possible and ignoring the blood that soon soaks it and covers my hand. In the distance, I hear the sound of a cart stopping. Uriah. I make sure my shirt covers Bea the best it can, it's like a dress on her, and ease her into my arms.

A gasp of pain escapes her mouth, and I wince in pain. I want to cry, to scream. This is all my fault. I should have known, should have protected her. Because I wanted everything to be fine, I ignored everything that I should have been looking for. The way she flinched whenever I touched her, her inability to sleep, the way she acted exactly like I did when I got to Dauntless. And I just ignored her.

I run Tris out of the room and towards Uriah's cart. I gently lay her o the back seat and strap a seatbelt across her midsection before sitting down with her head on my lap.

"Drive Uriah. Straight to my apartment." My head jerks back as he suddenly accelerates the cart and speeds towards my apartment.

"Not the infirmary? She looks pretty bad."

"Too many questions."

"No offense, but are you going to be able to take care of her? There's-"

"A lot of blood, I know. Goddang it Uriah, just drive to my apartment. I know what I'm doing.

"You better. I don't care that you're the big bad Four of the compound. If you do anything to hurt her more-"

"That's not going to happen. Drive."

Uriah seems to get the message and accelerates more. I sigh, and we drive in silence for a few minutes.

"What happened?" Questions. What I try to ignore most.

"It's a long story." I see his shoulders sag, and I sigh again. He at least deserves some answer. He did sort of steal the cart for us. "That man is bad news. I didn't realize he knew Tris. Otherwise, 6I would have tried to stop this from happening." There. Simple, but informative.

"Is she going to be alright?" Uriah's head turns around and looks back at Tris's unconscious form before turning back to the road with wide eyes.

I release a deep sigh.

"I hope so, Uriah. I hope so."


	37. Chapter 37

Tobias POV

Uriah and I get back to my apartment five minutes later. I pick Tris up again out of the back seat, careful to place my hands on her neck and the back of her knees where it will hurt the least for her to be carried.

"Thanks for the help, Uriah."

"No problem dude. Take care of her, alright? I know you will but...she's already like a little sister to me. I can't lose her."

"I can't either, Uriah. I'll do everything I can. I'll keep you updated."

"Alright man, thanks."

He drives back to the control room, and I rush inside with Tris. I fall into the all too familiar routine that I followed almost every night in Abnegation. Except, this time it was with someone else's back.

I lay Tris on my bed on her stomach and head to my bathroom. With shaking hands, I pull out the first aid kit and gauze. I wet a black towel with warm water and grab another dry one before heading back to my room and push all thoughts other than helping Tris away into a dark corner. Selfishness is the last thing I need right now. Right now, Tris needs me. And I'm not going to ignore her this time.

I gently peel off my shirt, for once thankful that she is unconscious. I'm not sure I could handle doing this with her consciously feeling this pain. I don't know how she did it with me all the times that she did. My heart shatters at the lashes on her back. New and old, though the old ones are barely visible. And a tattoo, covered in blood. Stop getting distracted.

I wash off the blood with the wet towel and make sure that the cuts have stopped bleeding and before I dry her back off. I add anti-bacterial and numbing cream before wrapping her back in gauze. I do the same to her arms and legs, but instead of gauze, I use bandages. I dress her in the smallest shirt and pair of pants that I could find in my dresser, but they were still huge on her.

I wash my hands in the bathroom, watching the blood turn the water pink as it swirls down the drain. I need to go to the training room and punch something. I need to hunt down that bastard and teach him one of his own I can't. I need to be here when Bea wakes up, which is who knows when.

I drag a chair from my kitchen and pull it beside my bed. I grab Bea's hand, finding comfort in the faint but steady pulse in her wrist. I can't believe I let this happen. I had tried so hard to prevent this, I had hoped so hard that this wouldn't happen. That she wouldn't have to go through the pain I did. Go through the fear I did. The loneliness.

"I'm sorry Bea." I choke out, tears streaming down my face. I can't bring myself to wipe them away. "I'm sorry that I let this happen. I'm sorry I didn't notice. I failed you. I don't know why you don't hate me already. Or maybe you do, and you've just been hiding it. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

The words come pouring out, and I am unable to hold them back. "You don't deserve this. You don't deserve me. You never have. I don't know why you stayed. Why you followed me. It only leads to this, to pain. And I'm sorry. You're too perfect for that. You don't deserve that in your life."

"I wish I could take this away from you. I wish I had noticed sooner and had been able to help. You've been fighting on your own for so long. Why didn't you just ask for help?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you like you were for me. I'm sorry I wasn't there to clean your back and comfort you in the closet. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from that monster. I'm-"

"Shhh," I stop mid-sentence. Did I imagine the sound, or was she awake? "Toby...it wasn't you're fault." Bea's eyes squinted open. Her voice is hoarse and quiet. "It's okay, honestly."

"No, it's not. I-"

"Toby, listen to me, okay?" She turns onto her side with a grunt and looks into my eyes. "I kept this from you. It's my fault, not yours. I didn't want you to know. I tried to hide it from you. You didn't know because I did everything I could to keep you from knowing."

"Why?" She sighed.

"I've meant to tell you. Honest. I just couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to tell you that you're worst fear had come true. I couldn't break your heart like that. I mean, look at you. I haven't seen you cry this much in years. I didn't want to make you hurt like that."

"So you hid it until he came here and beat you unconscious?" She flinched.

"That wasn't part of the plan, but I guess, yeah." I shake my head. "Can you help me sit up?"

"Won't that hurt your back?"

"The numbing cream here is a lot more powerful than the one in Abnegation. I barely feel anything right now, so no."

"Alright, I'll help you." I gently hold her back as she pushes herself up. "Better?"

"Much."

"Do you want some water?"

"Uh, yes, please. And maybe some crackers?" I nod and get it quickly from my kitchen. I come back and hand her a glass of water and a plate of saltine crackers.

"Is that alright?" She gives me a small smile.

"Perfect." I nod, deciding silence is the best policy right now. She needs to lead the talking. I've already invaded her secrets enough. "So I guess I should tell you everything now."

"Whatever you feel comfortable telling me." She gives me a wry grin before biting into another cracker.

"If that were the case, it would be nothing. But I need to tell you; I know I do. I'm just...scared."

"Why?" She pauses for a moment, finishing her cracker and taking a sip of water. For a second I worry that I've already pushed too far, but then she starts to speak.

"I almost feel like its invalid... you dealt with him for ten years, and here am I complaining about barely seven months with him." So it wasn't the entire year. That's good news.

"Tris, you were still abused. For however long doesn't affect that fact. I'm not going to see you as weak for telling me about it."

"I guess."

"I'm not going to judge you. Or criticize you. I just want to know what you went through so I can help you. Protect you. Keep things like today from happening again." She flinches, but nods.

"Alright. I-I'll try." She breaks eye contact with me.

"It happened after Visiting Day. Or on Visiting Day actually. I came back from visiting you on the train and jumped off. It was still the middle of the day, and I thought both of our dads would be at work.

"They weren't. Marcus was waiting for me at the train tracks. He dragged me to my house, and apparently, my dad was worried sick. They talked about my 'punishment.' Eventually, they decided that they would pull me out of school and that I would help Marcus around the house every day instead.

"I'm sorry, Toby. I know I told you I would try and avoid him. I really did try. I did everything right besides that one thing. I had to visit you on Visiting day. I told you that I would, and they were all supposed to be at work. I'm so, so sorry." Her shoulders shake, and her breath catches.

"Bea, calm down. I'm not mad at you." I try and make my voice as soft as I can. She can't blame herself for this. It's not her fault in any way.

"You're-you're not?" She hiccups.

"No, not at all. You tried your best. Marcus is a sneaky bastard with power that he manipulates for his own good. Stop blaming yourself." A bit of tension relaxes in her shoulders.

"Okay, okay." She whispers. I rub her shoulders with my hand, careful to avoid any of her major cuts.

"Are you alright to keep going?"

"Yeah, give me a sec." She takes a deep breath and another sip of water. "So that's what I did. I basically moved in with him. There was no point in going to my house every night since I was expected there before dawn the next morning, and you know what would happen if I was late. Plus, it was rare for me to have no visible bruises. Marcus stopped trying to hide them once you left. The first few weeks weren't too bad. Only a shove or yell a few times a day. It confused me more than anything.

"Training kept me sane. I did it during the day while he was away. It was risky, but not as risky as going at night. And I rarely was capable of walking at night let alone climbing out the window."

"It was that bad?" I whisper, my heart breaking for the pain she had to go through alone.

"Most nights, yeah. He took his anger about you on me, as you predicted before you left.

Then, of course, there were the things I messed up that made him mad too. He was pretty much always mad at me."

"I managed it for a while. Thinking about meeting you in the training room kept me going. I looked forward to it for weeks."

"Why didn't you come?" Tris flinches, and her hand flies to her necklace. "I'm sorry, am I pushing you too far? We can stop here?" She shakes her head.

"No, I need to tell you. I want to tell you." A bit of warm relief spreads through my chest. At least she knows I'm not forcing her into this. "I, uh, that day he found out about my necklace. The one you gave me? I knew I should have hidden it in the training room once I started living with Marcus, but I couldn't. It kept me sane during the beatings, while you were gone. He found out about it one night and threw a fit. He ripped it off of me and hid it. Then he-he,"

"Shhh, I've got you. He's gone. I'm not letting him touch you ever again. Promise."

"He beat me really hard that night. He only beat me unconscious a few times before, and that was one of the nights. He locked me in the closet for a few days after that. So, yeah. I wasn't really able to see you that night. I felt awful. I hated that you didn't know why I didn't come. I hated that you would think I abandoned you. Especially after the second time."

Guilt washes over me. I can't believe that all this time I thought she chose to ignore me, that she decided I wasn't worthy enough to come out. She had been fucking unconscious in a closet.

"I'm sorry that I didn't come find you. I'm sorry that you had to go through that alone. You shouldn't have. You didn't deserve it. Any of it."

She chuckles coldly.

"You don't even know the half of it." I flinch. "I'm sorry, that was so uncalled for."

"No, you're right. I don't. Don't be sorry. Why weren't you there the second time?" Her body begins to shake harder. "Shhh, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to judge or leave you because of what happened. I went through it too. I'm here for you. I've got you, shhh."

Tears stream down her face, and I wipe them away with my thumb before, but she continues. "Before I knew you wanted to meet, I planned to steal back the necklace while Marcus was at work one day. So after he left in the morning I went into his room and found the necklace. I ran it over to the training room, knowing that he would search me for it as soon as he found out it was missing." I grab her hand and squeeze it. I already don't like where this story is going.

"When I got to the room I saw your note, but I had already taken the necklace, so I hid it and hoped he wouldn't notice for a few days. I wasn't so lucky. It had been in his shaving drawer in his bathroom so he would find out eventually.

"He, he found out that night. After dinner, he went upstairs and then he came back down, which you know isn't normal for him. He was fuming, and my sarcasm didn't help."

"Wait, your sarcasm? You were sarcastic to Marcus?" She chuckled.

"Yeah. I knew he was mad and was going to beat me unconscious anyways. I was fed up and said and did some stuff."

"Like what?" I could barely get through a beating, let alone be sarcastic to him.

"When he was half choking me against the wall, I spat in his face and called him a bastard." I flinch and push back all the memories of him doing the same thing to me.

"You did what?" A grin spreads across my face. "I can't believe you actually did that."

"Me neither. Afterwards, he kicked me a lot, but then my dad knocked on the door, so I had to go upstairs and wait." I flinch again. Waiting was the worst. Especially if someone interrupted. He would just come back more angry than before.

"What did your dad want?"

"He wanted me to come home. Apparently, he and my mom both knew what was happening, but they never said anything because Marcus was, well, Marcus. But apparently, they were tired of never seeing me, so he told Marcus I had to be back by the end of the weekend." She sighed. "I only wish he had done it sooner and he could have helped you." I squeeze her shoulder.

"It's alright Tris. I had you to help me." But I can't help but wish the same thing…

"That really pissed him off. He thought I told him or something, which I didn't. He came upstairs and beat me like normal. I ended up in the closet that night too." She ends it really quickly and hunches her shoulders. I can tell she's holding back, but I don't want to push her too much.

"He didn't beat you unconscious?"

"No," she agreed.

"He didn't do anything else?" Please say no again, please agree with me.

"Um, not exactly." I knew it was too good to be true. I wait for her to continue speaking. Her hands are shaking even harder now, and the water glass shakes as she tries to lift it to her lips. I cover her hands with mine, steadily guiding the cup to her mouth. She took a sip, and I set the glass on the bedside table. I hold her hands again, squeezing them in an attempt to comfort her. "He really wanted to find that necklace. It wasn't on me, obviously. If it were, I probably would have been unconscious that night. But he couldn't find it. He-he made m-me t-t-take of-f m-my c-clothes s-so h-h-he c-c-could check." I freeze. No. No, no, no. Marcus was a monster, but not that much of a monster. "I tried to stop him, Tobias. I really did. But I hurt so bad and he was so strong and forceful, and it hurt so bad, Toby. So, so bad." By now she was sobbing into my chest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

I climb onto the bed with her and wrap my arms around her shoulders in a silent comfort. She climbs onto my lap, and I rock her back and forth, whispering kind words into her ear. Her entire body is shaking. She doesn't need my anger now, even though I want to kill Marcus for what he's done to her. If it hadn't been for that necklace...guilt washes over me again. This is all my fault.

"Shh, Bea, don't apologize. It's not your fault."

"But I could have done something to stop him. I was weak and cowardly and pathetic, and now I'm just a dirty slut and-and you're going to realize it and realize what a waste of time I am and hate me and leave."

"Bea, you are none of those things. Did Marcus tell you that?" She nods, and I wonder how many times he had to have said it for her to believe such pathetic rubbish. "It's not true. I love you, Bea. I hate Marcus for what he did to you. You're beautiful and perfect, and everything that I want and need."

"You don't have to lie for me, you know. I know the truth." Her voice is soft, and I just barely hear it.

"I'm not lying, Bea. Whatever he told you was lies. Believe me, I know how hard it is to forget. I have unloveable carved into my back for fuck's sake. But it isn't true." I shake my head. "Did he do it more than once?" I feel her head nod against my chest. I feel nauseous with grief and guilt. "Jesus, Bea. I had no idea. I'm so sorry. If I hadn't bought you that necklace, none of this would have happened."

"This isn't your fault either, Toby." Her voice is sharp again, and louder. "You just told me how this wasn't my fault, but it isn't yours either. You could have done just as much as I could have."

'If I hadn't bought the necklace for you though…"

"He would have found some other excuse. It's not your fault, okay?" I nod.

"Have you tried to get help from someone since you came here?" She nods.

"Yeah, I had to go to the doctor because it still hurt after a few months, which even I knew wasn't right and I got a therapist. Do you know Shauna?"

"Zeke's wife?"

"Yeah, her. She specializes in domestic violence and rape cases. It was a coincidence really. She's helped me a lot mentally. Physically, well, before this happened, I was alright." She gulps and pauses. I don't say anything, realizing that she is preparing to say something. "When she scanned me, she realized that he had caused a lot of damage down there. She said, she said one of my ovaries collapsed from the trauma and that my fertility rate decreased by 50%." My heart drops. Not only did Marcus take away her virginity, but he took away half of her likelihood to have children?

She chokes on another sob. "And I know it shouldn't mean much because I wasn't planning on having children for a few years anyway, but he took that from me, Tobias. He took that from us." Tears gather in my eyes, but I hold them back the best I can. I have to stay strong for Tris. She chokes back another sob. "Later, she said I had to refrain, refrain from sex for a year to recover, which I was okay with. I wouldn't have been able to mentally anyways. Apparently, it would decrease my chances by another 15% because of how much damage he caused. Any more stress on that area and it would tear up more than it already was ."

"Well, that's ok. We can get through that much Bea. I don't mind." She gulped and turned around, so her eyes stared straight into mine. Tears glistened, sparkling in front of her grey eyes.

"That's not the thing. Today. He...he did it again. In the office after he beat me." I can't hold back my tears anymore. I let them fall freely, let them stream down my face. I pull her close to my chest again, savoring her comforting warmth. I rock back and forth, both of us comforting each other.

"You don't deserve this, Bea. You don't deserve any of it. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop him. I'm so, so, sorry."

"Will you come to my next appointment with Shauna?" She whispered, looking up at me shyly. I look at her, surprised. "Everything in the sessions is confidential, and she knows about us from Zeke, and she's asked me a few times to bring you, once I tell you everything."

"I don't want to intrude or anything," I stutter. She smiles.

"You won't. I mean...if you don't feel comfortable going, I completely understand. You don't have to go, I was just asking cause she's brought it up a few times and I was wondering, but you don't have to go or anything."

"Bea, I'm honored that you trust me enough to ask me. I'll go." She grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly while looking up at me with a tiny bit of hope.

"Thank you." I give her a small smile.

"Anything for you Bea, anything at all."


	38. Chapter 38

Tobias POV

Bea and I cuddle for a while after that, trying to enjoy the rest of our day off as much as we can.

"Hey, Bea?"

"Yeah, Toby?"

"When I was cleaning off your back...there was a tattoo. When did you get it?" Tris turned onto her side, wheezing slightly from the effort. She looks me in the eyes, and I can't help but admire her grey-blue eyes and how they still sparkle despite the hell that she's lived through.

"I got it a few days ago when Christina convinced me to come with her. Did you see the whole thing?"

I shake my head.

"I would show you, but it's wrapped in bandages now. Tori helped me design it. It's a grey birdcage, made of the words liberos, immunes, fortis, dignus in cursive. Supposedly they stand for free, independent, strong, worthy in an old language called Latin. Two blackbirds fly out of the cage." I smile. "The birds stand for us. Escaping from Abnegation and...him." Her eyes sparkle even more. "Shauna told me I had to...reclaim my body after what Marcus did. So I got the tattoo." I smile.

"It sounds brilliant," I brush a piece of hair out of her face, marveling at how she could be so beautiful after all that life had thrown at her. "I did the same thing, you know. With my tattoo" She nods.

"Tori told me. She asked if I knew you, and I told her that I knew you well. And she told me I should talk to you about everything, that you would be able to help me." She gives me a small smile. I sigh. I still can't believe that I was ignorant enough to let this slip by. I wasn't able to help her. Not even when she needed me most. I still don't understand why she stays with me. After all the pain I've put her through, she still chooses to stay. "What's your tattoo of?"

"It's...Do you mind if I just show you?" She shakes her head. Sitting up straight, I peel of my shirt. Heat fills my cheeks, and I'm sure they turn a very bright sade of red. Sure, she's seen me shirtless plenty of times. But normally it was her taking off the shirt while I was half conscious. I've never taken it off for her like this. It leaves my vulnerable in a way that I'm not used to. And despite this, I feel...safe.

I turn around so she can see the five symbols on my back and the flames along my side. Tingles run down my spine, and I gasp as she traces them with a gentle finger. Heat rises and fills my chest. I doubt I could form a coherent sentence right now. Her cold fingertip traces the letters carved into the top of my back, unloveable. I had told Tori to cover them with ink, but the scars are still visible. I shudder.

"Why?" Her finger leaves my back, leaving me cold once more. My thoughts slowly come together.

"I don't want to be just one thing. I want to be brave, and selfless, and honest, and smart, and kind. Though I'm still working on the kind part." I sigh. "I don't want to ignore parts of me simply because of which faction I live in. I don't want to be recklessly brave without thinking about the consequences my actions will have on other people." I turn around, hoping to gauge her reaction. Suddenly butterflies fill my stomach."What do you think?"

It's as if I break her from a trance. Tris jumps a bit and looks up at my eyes.

"No, no. They're perfect. Amazing. And stand for something really special. I-" her voice cracks. She pauses and shakes her head. "I love it."

Relief courses through my body. "And I love you." She chuckles. Despite her smile, her shoulders remain tense. She started fiddling with her fingers. "Tris? Does this make you feel uncomfortable?" Her eyes shoot up to mine.

"No, no, no. It's just…" Her voice trails off. I let her collect her thoughts. I can't imagine what a mess her head must be right now. I'm surprised she's talking as much as she is. "I don't have much experience with...this. Us. A relationship. In Abnegation it was easier cause we couldn't do anything, and you didn't have any expectations. But here we can do whatever, and I don't know what you want me to do or what the right thing to do is." Her gaze travels down my stomach, and the butterflies increase. "I mean, here you are, looking, gosh, you look so hot, and beautiful, and perfect. And then there's me, and I just can't see what you see in me. I mean I'm just this big broken mess, and I'm so lost on why you would choose me of all people." A tear rolls down her cheek, and she harshly wipes it off. I grab her hand, holding it in mine. Her fingers are cold, and I rub them between my hands to warm them.

"Bea, I don't know where to start." I take a deep breath, collecting my thoughts. "I love you. I loved you in Abnegation, and I love you in Dauntless. My expectations...gosh Bea, I don't expect anything from you. I never have nor ever will expect anything from you. All I want is for you to feel safe and loved. And you are beautiful, and funny, and smart, and kind, and all the things I wish I were. You're amazing. But that's not why I'm with you. I'm with you because I love you. I love who you are. And yeah, you might feel a bit lost right now. Everyone feels lost sometimes. But I'm here to help guide you while your lost and are trying to find your way." Tears are falling down her cheeks freely now, and I'm pretty sure they are falling off of mine as well. "There is no right thing to do in this relationship. If you are worried about something, we can talk it over together. You aren't alone Bea. I'm here for you now." I kiss her hand and release it from mine. "I know words can't erase your doubts. Only actions can. But I'm going to prove to you that there's no reason to doubt or fear this relationship. I have my doubts too, but those are the things that we can share with each other to make this stronger. Ok?" She nods. "I love you, Bea."

"I love you too." She whispers hoarsely. She scoots her body and curls into mine. "You're warmer without a shirt." She mumbles. I smirk.

"Yeah?" She nods. I chuckle. We snuggle for a while longer until she falls back asleep on my arm. Not having the heart to move her head onto an actual pillow, I stay still and admire how peaceful she looks. The stress on her face has disappeared and has been replaced with peace that I haven't seen since we were in Abnegation before she found out about Marcus.

I should never have grown close to her. I shouldn't have burdened her with this. No matter what she says, I know it's my fault that he found her today. If it hadn't been for me, he wouldn't spare her a second glance. He wouldn't be out to get her all the time, and he wouldn't have beat her for seven months.

I can't change what happened. What happened, happened. All I can do is be there for her now like she was for me. We can get through this. I'm not exactly excited to meet with Shauna, but if it helps Bea, then I'm all for it. It's my fault she's in this mess. The least I can do is help her heal from it.

After a few moments of quiet, Tris begins to mumble in her sleep. Seconds later she rolls off of my arm and begins to fidget.

"Stop...stop...STOP GET OFF OF ME" Her mumbles escalate to screams. My heart pumps faster, and I start to shake her, only to have her scream louder. Tears well in my eyes. It's obvious she's in some kind of nightmare. Probably about Marcus. And touching her only makes it worse.

"Tris, wake up." I try to shake her more, but eventually, give up when she flinches away and yells more. "Bea, wake up baby. Please, wake up. It's just a dream." The tension in her shoulders relaxes, so I keep talking. "It's not real, Bea. Wake up. He isn't here, Bea. He can't hurt you anymore. I'm here with you. Please wake up Bea, please."

Her shoulders begin to shake, but her eyes crack open. I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Bea?"

"Toby?" Her voice is hoarse and dry. I stand up to get her a glass of water, but she protests. "Where are you going? No! Please, don't leave...not now." Dried tears decorate her face.

"To get you some water, I'll be back in a few seconds, ok?" She nods. I quickly grab the water cup from the bedside table and fill it up in the kitchen. I rush back and hand her the cup. Her hands still shake slightly, but less so than earlier. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask softly. I know she isn't ok. Heck, I'm still not ok after a year of being away.

"I-it was about today. A-about it h-happening again. B-but you didn't come to help this t-time. A-and I w-was awake the w-whole t-time." I climb back on the bed and hold her close. I can't say anything to make the pain go away, so instead, I hold her as she cries, into my chest, my heart aching at her gut-wrenching sobs.

"I wish I could say something to make this better." I whisper into her soft hair. "I wish I could tell you that it's ok and that you're fine, but I can't." I tilt her head, so I'm looking straight in her eyes. I try and think back to when I was in this position. What I needed to hear when I woke up unable to breathe from sheer terror.

A tear slides down her cheek, and I brush it away with my thumb. "I love you, Bea. I love you with my entire being, and nothing is going to change that. I'm here now, and I'm not going to leave. I'm going to help you through it." She nods and snuggles her head against my chest again. I sigh contentedly as we settle back onto my pillows.

"I….I don't know what to say." She whispers. I nod.

"Then don't say anything. You don't have to." She sighs and leans back. Heat fills my chest. How could Marcus do this to her? Hurt someone so amazing and so pure. So worthy of love, so trusting, so forgiving, yet he completely took advantage of her. And she couldn't do anything about it.

"We can stay here all day if you want," I say. "I can make us dinner in a bit if you're up for it, and you can stay in here tonight. I'll figure out a story you can tell your dorm mates."

"Thank you." I smile and adjust myself, so I'm lying on the bed more comfortably.

"Anything for you."


	39. Chapter 39

Tobias POV

Tris does end up staying for the rest of the day. I make us pasta for dinner, which is simple enough, though foreign to Bea with its sauce and spices. Bea goes to bed right after and falls asleep minutes after laying down. I stay up, unable to relax. I busy myself with cleaning the apartment, rearranging books and picking up long-forgotten clothes. I'm halfway through reorganizing the kitchen cabinets when the door knocks and breaks the steady silence of the apartment.

Instinctively, I grab a knife from the counter and head towards the door. I'm sure whoever it is is harmless enough, probably just Zeke or Shauna coming to annoy me as always. But it's also Visitors Day, which means anyone could be at Dauntless today, and anyone could be at the door.

I open the door cautiously, only to find one of the initiates standing outside. The one who hangs around Tri, a bunch. Christina, I think. I keep myself from rolling my eyes, but let the coldness of my Four persona take over.

"Yes?" I ask in the most annoyed voice that I can muster. I cross my arms and lean against the doorframe. According to Zeke, it makes me look intimidating. I'm still not sure if he was joking when he said that or not, but I do it out of instinct anyways.

"Um, well, I came to see if you knew where Tris is? I haven't seen her since early this morning, and it's getting late, and I haven't seen her." So the Candor is loyal. Huh.

"And what makes you think that I would know what the Stiff deems worthy to do with her day off?" I hate using the word Stiff, but its what she expects.

"Eric said to come to you because you would know." She looks at me closer. Shit. She's Candor. She knows when I'm lying, or when I'm hiding something. "So where is Tris?"

"She's...safe. And will be at practice tomorrow. That's all I can tell you." She can't know that Bea's sleeping a room away...in my apartment. In my room.

"Where. Is. She." For being Candor, she's quite intimidating. Not enough to scare me, but daunting nevertheless. I'm glad Bea has her as a friend. Not that she can't hold her own, but it'll be good for her to have someone besides me to have her back.

"I can't-"

"Bullshit. I don't care. I need to know where my friend is, and I don't care if you make me do a hundred pushups or throw knives at me at practice, but you will tell me where she is. Now." I don't even open my mouth. I can't tell the Candor of all people about us, especially not without talking to Bea about it first. And certainly not like this. "Honestly, she's your initiate! Eric is a dumbass, but I thought at least you would have a heart. Your initiate has been missing for an entire day with a bunch of new people in the compound, and you don't care? What if she was kidnapped? Or killed? Do you even care?"

My patience snaps. She's Bea's friend. She's willing to fight her intimidating instructor to find her. She seems trustworthy enough. It's only a few weeks until initiation is over anyways.

"Fine." I glance around, checking the cameras. None are angled this way, so I push her inside the door and shut it quickly behind me. "What I'm about to tell you, you don't repeat to anyone, you understand? And if you do, I swear I'll make you regret it for the rest of your life."

She nods. Sweat beads on her forehead and she plays with the hem of her shirt. At least I'm still making her nervous. I sigh and point towards my bedroom. "Tris is in there. Sleeping. So be quiet. She was attacked, not by an initiate, and I won't say who. Uriah and I found her earlier, and she's been in here resting since."

"Why didn't you take her to the infirmary?"

"She didn't want to."

"So you didn't take her because she didn't want to? How bad was it? What if something is seriously wrong with her? Can I see her?"

"I knew what I was doing. And no."

"Why is she in your apartment? Is that even allowed?" Her eyes narrow, and my skin crawls a bit.

"I've known Tris for a long time. We were friends in Abnegation. She followed me here. I know if she tells me no she means it, and I knew how to heal her. She'll be fine." I run my hand through my hair, "And no, I'm pretty sure it's not allowed. She's here because there's no way I was leaving her in the dorms in the condition she was in earlier. I...I don't entirely trust all of the initiates. She didn't want to go to the infirmary, I didn't feel like answering questions, so I just brought her here."

She looks at me intently, deciding whether or not what I said is truthful. She gives me a slight nod, a small sign to tell me I passed.

"So you're telling me you and Tris were friends back in your old faction, and now you've reunited and are in love but have to hide it since you're her instructor." My eyes widen. I know what I said. I said nothing about- "Oh, please. It's obvious you care about her. I mean, gosh, your eyes soften when you look at that bedroom. You're in deep." She softly chuckles. "I guess you have a heart after all."

"Careful, Candor. I'm still your instructor. And we have fights tomorrow."

"Yes, sir" Her voice is serious but holds a tad bit of sarcasm. I'll scare that out of her no problem tomorrow. I hate how mushy this has gotten. I have to reign at least some control over the conversation. "I don't have to ask you whether Tris's place is going to be because of favoritism, do I?"

"Eric is in control of most of the scoring. I simply approve it. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to change his mind." She nods. "Anything else?"

She shakes her head, and we walk back to the door. "Oh, and Four?"

"Yes?"

"I don't care if your one of the strongest men in Dauntless. If you hurt her or take advantage of her in any way, I'll find ways to make sure you regret it for the rest of your life." Protective too….I guess she isn't as bad as I thought she was. She doesn't wait for a response, before slipping out the door and heading down the hallway. I head back to the kitchen, and haphazardly put away the rest of the utensils. I need to lay down. Lay down with Bea and comprehend everything that just happened.

Knock Knock Knock

Fuck.

I head back to the door, knife still in hand. I open it.

Eric.

Great.

"Yes?" This time I don't have to fake the annoyed voice. All I want to do is lay down with Bea and sleep. I think I'm forming a migraine too.

"Aren't you going to invite me in? Whats with the knife?"

"No." I don't even answer the second question. I'd stab him with it right now if I could get away with it. It would be too messy and complicated. I finger the knife anyways, satisfied that it puts him on edge.

"Fine. I came to ask if you knew anything about the Stiff. Apparently, the other initiates have noticed she's been missing for most of the day. "

"I don't babysit the initiates. How am I supposed to know where the stupid Stiff is?"

"Do you think she jumped?" I shake my head nonchalantly, even though my heart drops at the thought of that happening.

"No. Someone would have noticed by now." He nods in agreement. We settle into a tense silence. He knows his presence annoys me. He's doing this on purpose.

"I saw Daddy dearest today in the pit." He says, picking his fingernails. My shoulders tense up. "Did he come pay you a visit?"

"Fuck off, Eric." He knows just what to say to get under my skin. And I hate it.

"Ooo, Tobias is scared of Daddy dearest coming to tell him off for being naughty. Tell me, did Daddy come teach you a lesson? Did you get to relive the good ol' days?"

"Leave." My voice is cold. Sharp. Eric laughs, knowing he's won this conversation. I could care less. I just want it to end.

"Fine. I wanted to discuss the fights for tomorrow, but I'll go do it alone now. See you tomorrow."

I close the door, too relieved the conversation is over to comprehend Eric is in control of fights tomorrow. I put the knife away in the kitchen, and grab two cups of water for Bea and I. I head to the bedroom, and take a sip of my water before placing both cups on the table.

I get into the bed, wincing as the springs creak underneath my weight. Bea shifts, but I don't think she's woken up yet. I hope not. She needs sleep. Especially with fights tomorrow.

I need to change her bandages.

Shit. That means I have to wake her up. Again. And she just fell asleep. I stand up and shake her shoulder gently.

"Bea," I whisper. "Wake up."

She jumps out of my grasp and pushes herself across the bed. Guilt heats my chest. I shouldn't have touched her. That was a bad idea.

"I'm sorry," I say softly. She scoots back over, red tinting her cheeks.

"No, no, I'm sorry." She says, her voice quiet and dry. I hand her a cup of water, and she takes a sip. "Is it morning?"

"No. But I need to change your bandages, and I didn't want to wake you up in the middle of the night to do it." She nods slightly and places the cup of water back on the table. Her hand shakes, but I don't say anything. "Do you want to take your shirt off, or are you alright with me doing it?"

Her cheeks grow an even darker shade of pink "Can you?" I nod and try to do it as gently as possible. I go through the familiar routine and talk to keep my mind off of the familiar scars and lashes that I'm treating.

"So, are you and the Candor girl close?" From how protective she was, I wouldn't be surprised. But I need to be sure.

"Um, yeah. And her name is Christina." So I was right. "Why?"

"She came here asking about you."

"What?"

"Yeah. She was worried and asked me if I knew where you were since I was your instructor and everything. She was very persistent."

"She gets that way."

"I had to tell her about us."

"What?!" I chuckle.

"I didn't tell her everything, but she figured most of it out. You're going to need to talk to her tomorrow. She's going to want answers." I pause for a moment, "You don't think she will tell anyone, do you?"

"No. She may have been Candor, but she knows how to keep a secret." I nod.

"Good."

"She really came asking about me?"

"Yeah. Why is that so surprising?"

"Well, it's just, you terrify her. I mean you terrify everyone, that's practically your job, but she's been scared of you since you got all in her face that first day. For her to even come to you...wow. I guess I didn't realize she cared about me that much."

My mind drifts to her threatening me before leaving...if she's as scared of me as Bea says she is… "She's a good friend."

"Yeah," Bea says softly. I finish with her back and help her put her shirt back on. She gives me a small smile before a yawn takes over her mouth.

"You should sleep. More fights are tomorrow, and Eric is completely in charge of organizing them. I won't be able to get you out of any."

She sighs, and her eyes flutter close before opening again. "That's fine. As long as I've got that numbing cream, I'll be fine." I grimace and get in bed next to her again.

"I wish this could be the norm for us," I whisper. "Spending the day together...waking up next to you…normal couple things."

"Me too." She whispers back and turns around, so she faces me. "A few weeks left. And then we have the rest of our lives together. Just like this."

"Just like this," I repeat and smile. "I like the sound of that."


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to put out an update for this story. I just wanted to thank you all for your continued support and encouragement! I sorta mixed up the timeline here, sorry. Typically the rankings are announced the night of visiting day, but with Marcus and everything you can see why that wasn’t able to work out. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter despite all that!

Tris POV

Everything in my entire body is sore when I wake up. Mentally, my brain is completely shattered, and emotionally, I’m a complete a wreck. 

I've never been more thankful for a day off in my entire life. Today, we’re supposed to find out our rankings, and after that, we have the rest of the day to prepare for the next stage of initiation. I don’t know how much my body can take after yesterday, so hopefully, it isn’t anything that is too physical. There’s no way I’m going to let myself appear weak in front of the other initiates or, God forbid, Eric. 

Tobias woke me up on time that morning and apologized the second I opened my eyes with a sheepish smile. He rewrapped my bandages and lent me the smallest clothes he owned for me to change in to. If I time it right, I’ll hopefully have time to visit the dorms to grab some of my own clothes before the rankings are revealed. 

Unlike most of the initiates, I’m not really concerned over the rankings. Physically I could beat all of the transfers. The Dauntless-born are iffy, but I know that I’ve done well enough in this stage to keep myself from being cut. 

Tobias had made a simple but delicious breakfast of pancakes that morning. Despite the pain in my back, I managed to enjoy my last few moments with him. Besides the occasional concerned look, Tobias did a good job staying away from the topic of Marcus. Instead, we talked about how we slept and what our future together would look like. 

“We’ll have to get a new apartment,” Tobias said an optimistic smile on his face. “One that’s bigger and has everything we’ll need.”

“This one is plenty big,” I argue, “you don’t have to waste your points on a new one.”

“You deserve the best, Bea.” His sincere voice makes a soft blush creep up my cheeks. “This apartment is functional, but it works just for me. I want one that is for us.” 

The thought of a future with Tobias makes me giddy and flustered. Whenever he reminds me that he is just as serious and committed to this relationship as I am, warmth fills my chest. That I was permanent in his life, and he was proud of that. 

“Ok,” I mumble, taking a sip of coffee. Though I still don’t like the taste of it, I drink it for the caffeine and much-needed energy. Today especially, I would take as much energy as I could get. Finishing up my pancakes, I offer Toby an apologetic smile. “I need to leave now if I want to get changed before the rankings come out.”

Toby’s face falls, but nods. I wish this could last forever. I feel safe around Toby. Being in this apartment with him makes me feel like nothing outside of this apartment could hurt me. 

Toby stands up with me and offers a gentle hug. “How are you doing?” He asks softly. I grimace. 

“I’ll live,” I mumble back, blushing from the attention. “I have to visit Shauna sometime today or tomorrow, she’ll probably have a few things that’ll help.” 

“Mentally?”

“Pretty bad,” I admit, “Right now, though, I’m pretending to be fine because there isn’t anything else I can do. I can’t cope with it all right now. Not with initiation and rankings and everything.”

Tobias purses his lips, obviously unhappy. “I wish you didn’t have to go through this, Bea. I’m here for you if you need me later. If you need to laugh or cry or anything, I’m here.”

“Thank you,” I pull out of the hug and see tears glistening in Toby’s eyes. “Hey, I’m okay. Don’t worry about me. I’ll see you in twenty minutes.” He nods, and I blow him a kiss before walking out the door. 

The walk to the dorms is thankfully uneventful. When I arrive, everyone is at breakfast, so I’m able to quickly change into my own clothes. I don’t bother meeting everyone in the cafeteria as they’ll all be back here in a few minutes waiting for Four to post the rankings. I sit on my bed and wait, trying to keep myself distracted by counting the cracks in the wall.

Initiates started streaming in, and Tobias eventually follows them. He glances my way, and I give a slight nod to reassure him that I’m fine.

Though I know I should be paying attention as Four begins to explain the how the ranks are determined, I can’t seem to concentrate as I scan the room of initiates. I don’t see Christina. She must be on her way with Al and Will, who are both missing as well. 

A minute or so into Four’s explanation, the remainder of the initiates arrive. As soon as she spots me, Christina walks over in a rush to sit on my bunk and pulls me into a tight hug. I wince from the pain in my back but reciprocate the hug nevertheless. 

“I was worried about you,” she whispers. “Four said you got attacked, how are you feeling?”

“Sore,” I admit, “we’ll talk later, okay?” 

She nods, and we turn our attention back to Four who had paused talking and let the new initiates find places to stand. 

“For those of you who just came in, I’m explaining how the ranks are determined,” he says. “After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improvement and more points for beating someone of a high skill level. I don’t reward preying on the weak. That is cowardice.”

Christina nods in agreement next to me. Four continues on to explain that stage two in initiation is weighted more heavily than stage one. Still, if we want to have a high ranking by the end of initiation, we need to have a high ranking from stage one. Before showing us the ranks, Four reminds us that the fact we are transfers will not affect who is cut.

With that, he turns over the board. My name is first, as I expected it would be. Edward follows me, and after him, Peter. Will and Christina are next, then Molly, Drew, Al, and Myra. 

Though he isn’t dead last, Al is almost guaranteed to be cut. I’d hate that for him, but part of me has known it was inevitable. Christina looks satisfied with her position and nudges my side. 

“Look at you in first place! Can’t say I’m surprised. You’ve been kicking ass since day one.” 

I smile. “Congratulations to you too! Fifth is really good.” Christina opens her mouth to respond but is interrupted by Peter.

“What? I won all my fights except for one. Why is the Stiff ranked above me?” I flinch at the nickname and see Four tense up before replying tersely. 

“If you intend to secure a higher rank, I suggest you don’t make a habit of losing to lower ranked opponents,” he says. 

Though I know, he doesn’t mean them, the words sting. Four pockets the chalk and walks out. Peter turns and glares at me. 

“You,” he snarls, “You are going to pay for this.” 

Instead of lunging at me like I expect him to, he simply walks out, followed by Edward and Molly. Uneasiness begins to grow in my stomach. They can’t be satisfied with their rankings. They’re going to be planning something. And I’m probably the target. 

Will comes over and hugs Christina in congratulations. He offers me a high five. 

“It’s good to see you, Tris. Look at you, number one. How does it feel?”

“Terrifying, honestly.” I force a chuckle. “But good.”

“We should celebrate.” He declares, a broad grin spreading across his features. 

Christina nods. “Tris and I need to talk first. We’ll meet you in the cafeteria afterward, sound good?” Will nods. 

“Save us some nachos, will you?” she adds.

“Sure.” After giving Christina a final hug, Will heads to the cafeteria, leaving Christina and me alone in the dorms. 

“Why don’t we head by the chasm and chat?” She offers, a gentle smile on her face. “That way we won’t have to worry about anyone overhearing us.”

I nod in agreement, and we head to the chasm. She leads me to a small area with benches along the edge. Not close enough where it would be easy to fall, but close enough to give you a spike of the classic Dauntless adrenaline. 

“Ok,” she says, sitting down. “Spill.”

I take a deep breath and gulp. What should I tell her? What do I hold back? I’ve only known her for a week. Can I trust her? What if she tells all the other initiates?

Then I think about the time she calmed me down from a panic attack. How she’s stuck with me since the very first day. Through the teasing and name-calling, she’s stuck by my side. She threatened Four to keep me safe. She deserves the truth. At least, most of it. 

“You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you,” I say, “It’s a lot, I’m going to tell you that now. If you want me to stop at any time just let me know. You’re my best friend, and I feel like you deserve to know.” 

Christina nods and grabs my hands and squeezes them. “Thank you, Tris.” 

I start off with Visiting Day and tell her everything leading up to last night. I leave out Marcus’s name and instead say it was a family friend, which technically was true. Tears are streaming down my face again, and her hands squeeze mine in a death-like grip. 

When I try to tell her about Marcus attacking me yesterday, I burst into tears. Christina runs her hand up and down my shoulder before pulling me into a loose hug. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you aren’t ready,” she whispers. “You’re strong, Tris, to have gone through everything you have and still have the energy to get up every day and work as hard as you do. I’m proud to have you as a best friend.” 

I smile, unable to form words due to the lump in my throat. With a final squeeze of my shoulders, Christina lets go. “Thank you for telling me, Tris.”

I nod, and we sit in silence. Once I get my tears under control and feel up to it, we agree to go ahead and meet Will in the cafeteria. A smile grows on my face as I realize that soon, this will be my life. Waking up in Tobias’ bed, having breakfast with him, hanging out with friends – living free, away from Marcus.

Later that night when everyone is getting ready for bed, Four enters the dorm and glances around. 

“I need to talk to you, Stiff. Meet me outside.” I can’t help but notice how the muscles in his arms tense when he calls me ‘stiff.’ I nod, giving Christina’s hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance, though I have no idea why Tobias needs me this late at night. 

I walk out of the dormitory and walk down the hall towards Toby. He’s leaning casually against the stone, reminding me just how young he is. His tough Four exterior gives the impression that he’s in his mid-twenties, but here, now, leaning against the wall, I’m reminded that he’s only a 17-year-old kid. 

“What’s up?” I ask. 

“If anyone asks, I’m scolding you for disappearing yesterday, got it?” 

I nod. Toby sighs. 

“What’s the matter?”

“I wanted to ask you if you were comfortable sleeping in the dorms tonight.” I look at him confused. 

“Erm, yeah. I’ll be fine.” Tobias gives me a searching look, and I feel like I’m missing some vital reason who I wouldn’t be fine in the dorms tonight. It’s not like Marcus is still here. I look up at him, and he must see the question in my eyes because he hastily continues to explain himself.

“It’s just that-you’re ranked first. People aren’t happy after the first set of rankings go up, Bea. Things could get ugly tonight.” 

I know better than to think he’s insinuating I can’t take care of myself. In my condition, though, I doubt I would be able to fend off an attacker. 

“It’s not like I can sleep anywhere else, Tobias,” I whisper his name, conscious of the camera a few yards away from where we stand. 

“You can stay in my apartment again,” he offers, voice low.

“People would get suspicious.” Toby nods, knowing I’m right. “But hey, we have a little bit until I really have to get back. We can spend some time together.” 

“You aren’t tired?”

“I’m always tired, Toby. That isn’t going to stop me from enjoying myself with my boyfriend.” He smiles. 

“I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.” He glances up at the camera. “Careful, though.”

“Of course.” 

We head to his apartment, making comfortable small talk the whole way there. It’s nice to do this, to just have a casual chat that doesn’t consist of updates on potentially life-threatening injuries. 

Later, Toby brings two plates of cake to his couch, offering me one as he sits down. I take the plate and take a bite, savoring the delicious chocolate. 

We keep up our small talk, talking about anything and everything. We share a few sloppy chocolate kisses, which are relaxed and filled with love. We stay up until midnight, making each other laugh and giggling over nothing. I feel light for the first time in months. For once, I’ve been able to take my mind off everything that’s happened and enjoy myself. 

“I should probably be leaving soon,” I say, regret lingering in my voice. 

“Yeah,” Toby’s voice is soft but reassuring. It reminds me that I wasn’t the only one having a good time. “Do you want me to walk you back to the dorm?” I shake my head. 

“It’ll probably look suspicious. I’ll be fine, everyone’s typically asleep by now anyway.” He nods slowly. “Thank you though.”

“Stay safe, okay?” Bending down he gives me a final kiss, lingering for a moment before finally pulling away. “I love you.”

“I love you too. See you in the morning.” 

“Yeah, get some sleep, okay?”

I grimace. That’s easier said than done. With my nightmares and the soreness, I would be lucky to get even two hours of sleep. “I’ll try.” He nods. 

I close the door behind me with a sigh and begin to walk down the deserted hallways to my dorms. The silence feels eerie and presses on me. Chills creep down my spine as I get closer to the dorm I suppress a shiver, telling myself that nothing’s wrong. 

Suddenly, a loud scream echoes through the halls. It’s coming from the direction of the dorms. I walk faster, heart racing, and push open the door to the dormitories.

My eyes squint closed at the flood of light, not expecting the dorm lights to be turned on at this hour. I open them slowly and freeze. Blood coats the floor, and I close my eyes again to keep myself from throwing up. Flashbacks of Marcus flicker behind my eyelids and I open them again in an attempt to stop the memories. Blood. Pain. Darkness. 

One thing’s for sure.

I’m not going to be sleeping tonight.


End file.
